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Footage Of Great White Sharks Mating?
Robert Berry - 11/05/00


Nobody has ever got footage of great white sharks mating.

It's just one of those things that were not supposed to see.

It's said that if JFK were shot today, there'd be 35 differet videotape versions of the event, in SKULL SPLITTING BRAIN-O-VISION.

There's too much on TV.

Somewhere there's channel showing you crapping in your toilet, you just haven't found it yet.

Hordes of camcorders suck the publich like leeches, spitting up the red-stained goo every nite while legions of glazed-eyed bobbing heads watch newscasters who pretend not to masturbate under their CNN desks.

We're such hypocrites. Bitching and screaming to tone down TV violence, while we privately delight in the way a suicide jumper looks when they bounce off the sidewalk like a superball from a grocery store candy machine.

Why don't we quit pretending and just start teh 24 HOUR FACES OF DEATH NETWORK, THE NECROPHILIA CHANNEL, ALL ANIMALS ATTACK ALL THE TIME!

It's nothing new. It goes back to the Hindenberg blimp exploding in black and white flames while Movietone News watches drooled in their popcorn. And since nobody got film of The Titanic sinking, we had to make it ourselves.

We're hungry toothless rats, learning to use the remote control before we can wipe our ass, with a IV full of TV static going right from the TV into our skinny twitching arms.

White Ford Broncos In Slow Speed Chases
Nancy Kerrigan holding a Shattered Knee
Pamela Anderson sucking the cock of every 80s Rock Star
The Columbine Death Cam
Owen Hart falling from the rafters
George W. Bush calling all of you "Major League Assholes"
Your coworker pissing in the company coffee pot

Somewhere, someone has to have footage of Kurt Cobain spraying his brains on the ceiling. They're just waiting Don King to give them a juicy Pay Per View deal.

But in spite of all this...

Nobody has ever got footage of great white sharks mating.

It's just one of those things we're not supposed to see.

-Robert