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Presented by Matt on 04/05/00

eBay is a dream for people who want money with minimalist effort. In effect, eBay is not an auction line, it's a place for writers with very little talent and patience to cash in. It's capping off now, but for the past two years, eBay was my solid source of income - and believe me when I tell you I made more money with it than I could have wearing a tie doing data entry. There's certain finesses to it, that once you get the hang of how it works, exploiting it's patrons is easier than convincing your dog to run into a screen door.

Downside? Well, my house at points looked like a cross between a 1984 Toys R Us and a Mexican pawn shop with all the crap lying around I was intending to sell. The people who use eBay are easily persuaded, but some stuff is just too ridiculous to convince anyone to pay for.

However, that's a very fine line. I've sold things on eBay that you wouldn't imagine a person wanting to buy. Truth is, the probably didn' I said, they're easily persuaded. Adding the phrase 'don't miss this!' or 'last chance auction' to your ad makes these guys and gals feel like they're getting the deal of the century - and this is a theory I've proven time and time again.

Whenever someone asks me how to make extra cash, this is the first thing I suggest, since it's absolutely can't-miss. You can go to one thrift store, spend 5 bucks, and theoretically make a hundred off of it in a week. My sister's paid 25 cents for board games and sold them for over 200 dollars.

It actually become a sickness...everywhere you look, every store you go into, you see something you just know would 'go' on eBay. I've gone to beaches and left with shells I knew I could hock. And then there's the impending doom of running into a clearance section of a store...that's a surefire way to blow 200 bucks for stock.

I wouldn't say *everyone* could do it, cuz it actually does take a few small skills. If you wouldn't be a good telemarketer, you wouldn't be good at eBay. However, as what I'm about to show you proves, making money with it can be ludicrously easy.

From time to time, I've come across items that even I knew I couldn't sell 'as-is'. So I wrote up these little stories about them in the ads. Sure enough, I'd be making 15-25 bucks off stuff that I normally couldn't give away. Prepare yourself....what you're about to see is an actual ad I used on eBay. Someone actually PAID for this.



"When Business & Viscera Join

         .....Anything Can

.  The Man, The Myth, The
Legend.  Brother to Viscera Man &
the original King of Swing, Johnny Corpse,
Corporate Viscera was the more reserved and revered
of the Viscera Bros...preferring to bide his time
quietly, working on Wall Street until his bank account proved that he indeed
was the true hero of Family Viscera,
Corporate Viscera was a happy little
businessman...until he got fired.  Now he's a miserable as
a guy who just found out that 'Diff'rent Strokes' wasn't really filmed before
a live, studio audience.  He's got no job, he's got
no money, all he has is his nice red suit and tie, and that wrinkled,
demented face that only a member of
Family Viscera could have...


Most of Corporate Viscera's free
time nowadays is spent either sulking, or staring at his size 12 foot.
 It's a barren life, but at least he can say that he's got the
reddest socks this side of Boston.


Uh oh, here's Corporate Viscera's
bookie!  He hasn't made good on his old gambling debts!
 What'll happen to our favorite Visceral


bad luck streak continues.  The
beating he took here just added to his already-inflated misery, and
Corporate Viscera is really considering if this
Visceral life is worth living.  Even
his three new best friends, shown below, can't cheer him up.

But wait, Corporate Viscera's bad
day isn't done yet....

Much to his shigrin, the cashier at the local supermarket explained
to Corporate Viscera that a penny just wouldn't
cover the price to gain him his favorite food--beets.  Now,
jobless, hopeless, even beetless, Corporate
is really on the verge of mental breakdown.

Hell, even his toilet has turned
on him....

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What does the future hold for Corporate
?  Only time will tell.  But YOU might be the only
one who can save him.  Bid on Corporate
, take him home with you, care for him, get him back on his
Visceral feet.  Without you, our beloved
Corporate Viscera will just continue down this
path of self-degregation and destruction....

Don't just give up on poor Corporate
.  Don't turn the other cheek.  You have the
power within you....only you can prevent the demise of this
once-great Viscera

And there it was. More proof that the people who frequent eBay were exposed to toxic chemicals which made them extremely gullible and stupid. Really though, this was kidna fun, as there was a group of about a dozen society outsiders having a bidding war for Corporate Viscera and his past & future family members. It made me feel better that yes, while I was stupid for sitting and writing these things out, there were those much worse off for actually paying for them. I've got a ton of these ads saved, so look for more of them in the future.

-- Matt