I apologize for the lack of updates over the last week or two. I'd like to say I've been doing lots and lots of interesting things to warrant the sporadic breaks, but truth is, I've been slamming my face into the keyboard for the past two weeks trying to think up ways to incorporate more apes and a little Oddish onto the site. So far, no results. For what its worth, I've got 2-3 articles lined up to start as soon as I finish this one, so check back in a bit.
We're going to try something a little different today, hopefully fun for all in ways no one had previously imagined. Here's the deal -- oftentimes, people will e-mail, IM, or ICQ me with a question regarding some godforsaken toy or bad cartoon they can't remember the name of. And since I'm so god damned tired of people literally thinking out loud to me while trying to remember the name of those little furry things from Go-Bots, I've decided to turn it all into one giant heeping mess of an article, thinly veiled as...
Sorry, no prizes. Unless you count having superior knowledge on the utterly useless as some form of personal wealth. And hey, if you do, here's your chance to feel good about yourself. Its time to put your loyalty to eternal geekdom to the ultimate test, with twenty questions of terror that are sure to delight and educate the masses.
Here's how it works. On this page, I'll show you a picture, ask a question, and supply four answers. I'm not feeling particularly bitchy today, so don't worry, no trick questions. Maybe. Anyway, I'm going to wash and repeat that process twenty times over, so you should at least get some of these right. Unfortunately, I have no scripting abilities. So you'll have to keep your answers in your head. After you read through the questions, click on the link at the bottom to get to MUDDAFUGGIN' PAGE TWO, where not only will I supply the answers to these eternal mysteries - but also the background and maybe even some cute personal anecdotes about each.
By our troth, we are off!
#1 - The cockrocker up above is named Stan Bush. What's his cultural significance as far as we're concerned?
B) His songs were featured on the Transformers: The Movie soundtrack.
C) He invented 'Quackers', a cute but sadly extinct duck-shaped cheddar cracker snack.
D) He had a cameo rock role in the Masters of the Universe movie.
#2 - Back in the 80s, the candy market was so furiously competitive that the companies needed to do absolutely stupid things to get us to buy one over the other. Case in point - this particular candy's commercial featured people getting assaulted by giant pieces of fruit after eating it. Readers...what was that candy?!
C) Fruity Tutti
#3 - Go-Bots, realizing they were just a sucky, sucky version of the Transformers, sought to capitalize on the one thing Autobots never had: furry pig animals with no eyes. Hey, they really rolled! What were they called?
B) Rock Rollers
C) Rock Narlies
D) Rock Frenzies
#4 - When new Star Wars toys came out in recent years, us fanboys went nuts. Nuts enough to buy 1,000 bags of potato chips to get 'exclusive' mail-in figures. One such mail-away offer gave collectors (and kids, I guess) the chance to pick up a figure who, for all intents and purposes, was never even mentioned in the movie. Who be dis?
B) B'omarr Monk
D) Djahs Puhr
#5 - Inhumanoids was a truly great cartoon and toy series from the mid-80s that never got its fair shake. That green fellow up above, he's my boy. If you've been reading this site long enough, you should know his name. If you haven't - take a guess!
#6 - In Spaceballs, the villains are trying to board escape pods before the ship explodes, but some pretty dubious Spaceballs staff cuts 'em off. Which one of the following was NOT one of the people who stole their spots on the pods?
B) Bearded Lady
C) Spaceball Drummer
#7 - The doll up above, in a covert homage to you know who, is called Jibba Jabba. But here's the real question - why was it banned from toy stores, following legal threats to parent company Ertl?
B) The hair and clothing was extremely flammable.
C) It encouraged kids to choke each other.
D) The paint used was later revealed as semi-toxic.
#8- The Horde might have been evil, but they still had issues with Skeletor. One of Hordak's main henchmen is pictured above, a sad sack of fur who offered little more than the occassional grunt on the cartoon while that weird demoness who compensated for having no face by having completely exaggerated breasts predicted the future. Let's not get off track. Who's the sasquatch?
B) Moss Man
At this point, I'm starting to realize the hell I'm about to put myself through on the answer sheet, which will end up being around 80 pages long by the time I'm detailing every last nuance of the stupid questions I'm asking. For the sake of brevity, and considering that its a Friday and you people should be out doing stuff rather than combing the net trying to figure out Hordak's henchman's name or the secret candy that causes fruit to fall on you, we're going to abridge this little trivia lesson to 15 questions. Let's continue!
#9 - Explain what's going on in the picture above.
B) Looks like someone's about to engage in a little Lazer Tag.
C) Another failed attempt at making a wireless NES controller that attaches to every part of your body except your hands.
D) Does it have something to do with flossing?
#10 - Here's a tough one for our resident Transfans. Well, semi-tough. Which Decepticon followed Murphy's Law to become the only Decepticon to ever internally hold the Matrix of Leadership?
#11 - Tasha Yar was part of the Star Trek: Next Generation crew. Until, of course, she died in probably the most asinine way ever devised. Amazingly enough, Denise Crosby would go on to even greater success as the zombie wife with the drippy eyeball from Pet Cemetery. But in Star Trek, how'd she bite the bullet?
B) A giant, black Jello-O mold killed her.
C) She misfired into Wel Gu'nardcha's 'pool' stomach.
D) Fat Frakes ate the bitch.
#12 - What guy does the above action figure represent?
B) George Steele
C) Future-Present Bane
#13 - Back in the day, race car tracks were one of the hottest selling items for kids. To get a bigger share of the market, companies would make slight adjustments to the normal track in the hopes to win kids over with crazy crazy bonuses! In this case, we have Tyco's Daredevil Cliffhangers. What set it apart from the rest?
B) Track glows in the dark.
C) Cars could 'jump' from one side of the track to another.
D) Button-activated 'bombs' sent opponents off the track.
#14 - What line of toys was that stupid green monster pictured above featured in?
B) Star Wars
C) Mego Superheroes
D) Monster Force
#15 - A little X-E trivia. Fat Daddy - purveyor of plastic peanuts who remained consistent for a two-month span in keeping his hand in his crotch isn't only fan-friendly...he's downright fashionable. What are the colors of the two shirts he was seen on this site wearing?
B) Blue and yellow.
C) Yellow and pink.
C) Pink and green.
15 questions. 45 wrong answers. Something's gotta give. Think you have what it takes to compete for no prizes? Yeah, that's what I thought. Pussies.