||Aaron Talks Dragonball:
The Five Worst Characters Ever!
I promised my buddy Matt another article around two weeks ago, but
I really couldn't figure out what to write it on. I didn't want to
write an article on a subject that I felt belonged in my entertainment
section, and I didn't want to write about something from my childhood
so obscure that average readers wouldn't "get." (I was a
settled on a choice between writing about Fantasy Zone, Final Fantasy,
Phantasy Star, and Dragon Ball. I ended up picking Dragon Ball after
a weird selective process that included "pick the topic out of
the three that does not belong."
that many of you out there hate Dragon Ball Z. After all, it is the
most popular anime out there besides Pokemon and is adored by children
everywhere. To watch something as mainstream and light as Dragon Ball
Z is not "elite," no, only convoluted anime such as Lain
or Evangellion will suffice for many.
that's you. There are many, many fans of Dragon Ball. Some like it
for the fighting, some like it for the style, others have been following
ever since Son Gokou was a little kid and have seen some of the best
character development ever in a series; growing attached to the Z
warriors almost as if they were members of their own family. Okay,
that's taking it a bit far, but the point still remains - Dragon Ball
is a shining example of buildup and character development that can
only really be appreciated if seen from the beginning. It gets a little
hokey around the Boo saga, but it's still an enjoyable, lighthearted
defending of the series. Now it's time for my little rant.
now present my 5 least favorite characters out of all 3 Dragon Ball
series (including movies), characters that I feel are the low points
of the story. If all you saw were episodes featuring any of these
characters, I don't blame you for your opinion of the series, as they
just plain suck. In my opinion at least.
begin, shall we?
NUMERO FIVE: BROLLY! (Warning, this
rant is the longest of all of them. If you don't care much about his
back story, skip to the next one!)
must admit, my hatred for Brolly stems mainly from the fanboy
love of this character. Brolly is big, Brolly is strong,
Brolly is invincible. Brolly is like Dragon Ball Z’s equivalent
to the Incredible Hulk (And I’m talking about the stupid
“Hulk Smash!” Hulk here). Brolly also represents most of
what is wrong with Dragon Ball Z.
a little background on this guy. Brolly’s name is actually
“Broccoli.” All Saiyajin names are based off of vegetables;
Vegeta is vegetable, Radditz is raddish, Kakarotto is carrot,
and so on and so forth. Brolly was first featured in Dragon
Ball movie number 8, which was all in all one of the better
Dragon Ball Z movies. He was later featured in movies 10
and 11 as well, making him one of two Dragon Ball Z movie
villains that actually return in multiple films (The other
being Cooler, one of my favorites). He’s also really big,
really strong, and really stupid.
8 gives us the background story of Brolly. When Brolly was
a baby, he was tested and found to be the legendary Super
Saiyajin, a rare breed of Saiyajin that is born with exponential
power. He was stored next to Gokou (Saiyajin babies were
stored in a nursery of sorts, later to be sent to other
planets to destroy them), which proved to be one of the
biggest mistakes of the series’ history.
has always had mental problems, proven no more evident than
by the fact that he cried 24 hours a day. The constant crying
of Gokou, coupled with the unstableness of his own awesome
power, made Brolly quite insane.
father of Vegeta, king of the Saiyajins ordered that Brolly
be killed. If Brolly was allowed to live, he would pose
a major threat to Vegeta’s position of power, and we can’t
have that, can we? Therefore, despite the pleadings of Brolly’s
father, Brolly was promptly stabbed and left for dead.
also happened to be the period of time in which Freeza decided
to blow up Planet Vegeta. Brolly (who was not actually dead)
sensed Freeza’s attack and flew he and his father out of
the planet before it was destroyed. Many years later, his
father placed a slave crown on his head in order to control
his power and psychosis. Thus, the setup for movie 8.
8 was one of the best Dragon Ball Z movies until the fighting
actually began. The first half of the movie was setup and
plot development, all done quite well. After a great bit
with a drunk Kuririn singing, Gokou and the rest were invited
to a planet by Brolly’s father to fight the “Legendary Super
Saiyajin.” Saiyajins, especially Vegeta, cannot turn down
a good fight, so off they were to the planet. Once they
arrived, a calm Brolly was seen (with the slave crown on,
of course) and seemed to hold a special hatred for Gokou.
After a bit of banter between Vegeta and Brolly’s father,
things erupted and Brolly’s immense power was released,
destroying the slave crown in the process.
often make the assumption that Dragon Ball Z is just people
flying around in the air, staring at each other, screaming,
and shooting ki. This is really off; the big fights between
main villains are like that, but only after months of development
and buildup. The drawn out fights make sense in this context,
even if sometimes a bit excessive (such as Gokou’s two-episode
long genki dama against Freeza).
problem about the Brolly fight is that it is ridiculously
one-sided. NOTHING works on Brolly; all of the heroes use
their most powerful attacks and they don’t even phase him.
It’s ridiculous to see the heroes simultaneously pound on
him to no effect whatsoever. At least show him blink or
something! This goes against all of the conventions set
by the show; there has never been a villain or hero that
could just walk through every attack imaginable. And it
doesn’t help when the guy can’t talk either…once he goes
Ultra-Saiyajin (Which isn’t even as powerful a transformation
as Super Saiyajin 2…or Perfect Cell, for that matter), all
he can do is mumble “Kakarotto” for a half hour.
Brolly is finally defeated after everyone gives Gokou their
ki and he punches Brolly through the scar in his stomach.
However, this is not the last we see of Brolly…
Movie 10 brings us to a teenage Gohan, his younger brother
Goten, and the young Trunks (Vegeta’s son). Somehow, Brolly
survived his apparent death and the explosion of the planet
that he was on and has come to earth looking for Gokou.
He is frozen in some ice or something until he is discovered
by Trunks and Goten. Brolly comes out mumbling about “Kakorotto”
and mistakes the young Goten for his father (While Goten
complains about not liking to eat carrots or something).
Then another fight begins, this one containing child abuse,
mooning, and Brolly’s face being peed upon. The teenage
Gohan finally shows up and actually does phase Brolly a
little bit. Of course this is really stupid since the teen
Gohan is stronger than Cell, who is stronger than Brolly.
But we’ll ignore that for the moment. Anyway, after finding
out that you can’t even kill Brolly by dumping him in lava
(Huh?), Kuririn flies in and saves the day. Oh wait, nevermind,
he gets knocked down in one hit. Gohan and Goten throw a
last ditch Kamehameha at Brolly and kill him with the spirit
of their father helping them along. Or is it? The world
may never know.
Movie 11, Brolly returns yet again. This is actually my
favorite movie with Brolly in it, as it features 3 of my
favorite characters, Kuririn, Android 18, and my personal
favorite, MRSATANTHEBESTCHARACTEREVER! Not recognizing that
Mr. Satan is the best character in the entire series is
like not having Dan Hibiki as your favorite character in
Street Fighter Alpha…it’s preposterous! Anyway, some guy
used Brolly’s blood to create a clone of him and invited
the WORLD CHAMPION MR. SATAN to come participate in a Martial
Arts tournament against a group of bio-engineered fighters.
Goten, Trunks, and Android 18 tag along for the ride and
take a tour of the place. Goten and Trunks run across the
vat storing Brolly and get mad and shoot it. The contents
spill out, creating a sort of Blob-Brolly, as well as releasing
the blob-like liquid that constantly grows and devours anyone
that it touches. After a bit of fighting between the heroes
(and Kuririn who once again appears from nowhere, this time
to save his wife), they defeat the Bio-Brolly and are now
forced to stop the liquid substance. Mr. Satan saves the
day by discovering that salt water stops the liquid, and
Goten, Trunks, and Kuririn destroy the bio-liquid with a
well placed Kamehameha tidal wave. (Can anyone explain to
me how the “me” syllable could be made with your mouth wide
main problem with Brolly is that I am naturally not drawn
to big dumb people, whether heroes or villains. I never
liked Heman or any cartoon featuring a guy wearing underwear.
I don’t like Superman, and I don’t like the Hulk. Hell,
I wouldn’t even like Ah-nold if he wasn’t so darn funny!
(Who I your daddy and what does he do?!) Thus, I hate Brolly
by default if for nothing else than being the biggest, strongest,
dope on the show.
also ruins the balance set by the entire series. He gives
merit to all the anti-mainstream people who say that Dragon
Ball Z is “just fighting and yelling,” and really cheapens
the whole movie series by appearing 2 and a half times.
NUMBER FOUR: BULMA
all of the annoying women that you’ve ever known, combine
all of their annoying traits, and magnify them by 10. That’s
Bulma in a nutshell. Bulma’s name is actually Bloomers,
as all of her family is named after underwear (Dr. Briefs,
Trunks, Bra). Well besides her mother, who is just known
as “Bulma’s mom.” Bulma was actually the first character
introduced in the series; it was she that initially introduced
Gokou to the outside world by hitting him with her car and
then shooting him in the head.In the Dragon Ball series
(In the anime - all of the manga is called Dragon Ball),
Bulma was the…uh…breast girl, as she was the one always
forced to bare her breasts, have them fondled, or have them
oogled. Still that does not make me feel sorry enough for
her to deny the fact that she is utterly and positively
ANNOYING until much later in the series. However, this is
not why I hate her.
was going steady with Yamcha for much of the series. They
were pretty much the shows “hot item” for a long time. That
is, until Vegeta showed up. After Vegeta almost destroyed
the earth but was defeated by Gokou, Kuririn, and Gohan,
he was somewhat forced to side with the good guys in the
fight against Freeza. After Freeza killed him and he was
brought back to life, he was forced to side with the good
guys to defeat the androids who were destined to destroy
the earth. Sometime during this period, Vegeta changed from
an anti-hero into a good guy. What changed him?
Yes, Bulma cheated on Yamcha with Vegeta during the period
in which Vegeta was training with the androids and had a
baby by him with the name of Trunks. I dunno about you guys,
but I don’t much respect any person who cheats on their
boyfriend with a guy who was once responsible for the boyfriend’s
death. The worst part is, Yamcha can’t even confront Vegeta
since Vegeta is 1,000,000 times more powerful than him!
All he can do is sit and sulk about the woman that he lost.
However, this is still not the reason that I hate Bulma.
the reason why I hate her is related to a little game on
the NES called Dragon Power. My memories of that game were
haunted by some little blue haired girl that constantly
badgered and forced you to do things for her. And I don’t
mean good “things,” I mean crap like rescuing her from tentacles
or rescuing her from being turned into a carrot or having
to go through an extra level because she wouldn’t give up
her “sandwich.” When I finally saw the Dragon Ball anime,
and realized that it was the same as this game from my youth,
all my old feelings of disgust with Bulma came crashing
down on me. That is why I hate Bulma.
NUMBER TRES: SKINNY BOO
actually do like the fat form of Boo. He makes me laugh,
and he’s a friend of THEBESTCHARACTEREVERMRSATAN. I even
like the ultra-evil Kid Boo. And I wish Ubuu was actually
used in the series. However, the skinny form of Boo made
this list because of one simple reason…
cheats. Besides the power to turn anyone into candy and
then eat them, Boo has done the most ridiculous thing I
have ever seen any villain do.
Take Jason Voorhees, a seemingly unstoppable villain. What
would be the best way to kill him? Beheading? Nah, someone
might reattach it. Disembodiment of all limbs? Read the
Jason X movie script. No, the best way to kill an unstoppable
villain is to blow him up and then disintegrate every single
piece of it.
smart tactic, and one that Piccolo and Gotenks (the fusion
of Goten and Trunks) use against him. Gotenks blows up Fat
Boo with the “Super ghost kamikaze attack,” and then he
and Piccolo wander around burning every little piece of
Boo that is left. You’d think that would kill him, but NOOOOOOOOO,
the smoke flies in the air and Boo comes back together!
I would immediately give up, right then and there. Drop
everything, I’m going home. How are you supposed to destroy
something that you can’t even disintegrate? I bet you that
even someone like Q could be disintegrated! But not this
skinny pink blob thing, right? Stupid.Thus, Boo gets stuck
on this list for breaking the undeniable rule of all villainy...
YOU ARE DISINTEGRATED YOU DO NOT COME BACK!
SUPER SAIYAJIN 4 GOGETA
Ball GT started off promising, looking to restore some of
the original adventure from Dragon Ball that was lost in
the later episodes of Dragon Ball Z. Then something went
terribly, terribly wrong.
guessing that the fans wanted "more action" or
something, because that's what we got. Bebi was brought
into the storyline as a villain, and that gave us our first
glimpse of Super Saiyajin 4.
I'm against the whole "levels of Super" system
- it seems like a cheap cop-out to make someone powerful
enough to defeat whatever villain they face. The original
Super Saiyajin form was good; it was a perfect end to the
series (it was initially supposed to end after Freeza's
defeat). When Gokou went super, he was initially supposed
to be the only one to go super, he being THE legendary Super
Saiyajin. The fans wanted more, so we ended up getting the
Cell saga, which was also supposed to be the end of the
series (once again). Here, Gohan finally recognized his
true power (which we only received glimpses of previously),
the ultimate form of Super Saiyajin. Of course, the fans
wanted more, and Toriyama brought forth the Boo saga. After
Gokou realized the totally ugly (and useless) Super Saiyajin
3, "going super" lost its luster.
whatever case, Super Saiyajin 4 is the most ridiculous form
seen so far. The other Super forms had a system - you got
more forehead and more gold hair and more electricity with
each level. I guess the animators decided that any more
hair would make Gokou look like a gold critter, so they
decided to mess up the system and give him a
FURRY VEST OF HAIR!
at this progression that I have here. Where does the furry
red vest fit in?
explanation was given as to Oozaru Saiyajin heritage or
some jargon. Who knows? All I know is that it looks ridiculous.
I thought that Super Saiyajin 4 was going to be the last
stupid thing brought to the series, but I was wrong. So
next saga introduced was the final one, the evil Dragon
Saga. Apparently, people used the Dragon Balls too much
throughout history, causing each to crack and release a
powerful dragon. The 4 star (?) Dragon was the most powerful,
and neither SSJ4 Gokou or SSJ4 Vegeta was strong enough
to defeat him. What did the heroes do? They fused and became
was introduced at the end of Dragon Ball Z in order to gain
enough power to defeat Boo. However, Saiyajins are naturally
cocky and arrogant, and fusion multiplies their natural
emotions by two. Not only is Super Saiyajin 4 Gogeta the
most idiotically powerful person on the show; he is also
the most irritatingly playful! He could have easily destroyed
Evil Dragon #4, but instead played around - leading up to
Gokou eventually sacrificing his life to save the universe.
Again. But this time for good.
UNO: SON FREAKIN GOKOU
Yes, I hate Son Gokou. He is the most irritating character
on the series to me - the happiest moment of Dragon Ball
to me was when he died and Son Gohan took over the show.
Why does he annoy me so?
of all, he's an idiot. When he was a kid, it was funny to
see him stumble through life, always hitting stuff with
his head and using raw power and determination to defeat
the odds. When he was an adult and had children of his own
stopped being funny.
of all, Gokou endangers the world more than he saves it.
Half of the sticky situations that the good guys on the
show have been in can be directly blamed on Gokou. Who let
Radditz's tail go when Piccolo could have killed him right
then and there with a makankosappo? Gokou. Who didn't finish
destroying all of Red Ribbon, thus allowing Dr. Gero to
create the androids that destroyed most of the planet in
Trunks' timeline? Gokou. Who blew up Kaiosama and Bubbles
when he clearly had time to teleport them away from the
exploding Cell? Gokou. Who turned into a big monkey and
killed his grandfather by crushing him? Gokou. Who takes
his sweet time arriving to every single fight, allowing
everyone else to be beaten up/killed in the process? Gokou.
early Dragon Ball, it was established that Gokou was a pretty
naive guy. Of course, he was a little kid as well. Unfortunately,
Gokou did not mature at all throughout the progression of
the series besides figuring out not to look up random girls'
dresses! He's married, has two kids and a granddaughter,
and still acts like a freakin' 8 year old!
is also the least interesting character in the series. Yet,
he gets the most attention. Yeah, it's his show, but does
he have to be OMNIPOTENTLY POWERFUL? Every time someone
gets more powerful than Gokou, he pulls some crap out of
his ass and becomes the most powerful person on the show
again. Admittedly, this was not the case in Dragon Ball,
as until the end of the series, there always was someone
more powerful than Gokou (Kamesenin, Tenshinhan, Mr. Popo).
However, once DBZ got started, Gokou would always stumble
upon some "ultimate power" that he had buried
deep inside. That in turn would take away the glory from
far better characters like Piccolo, Kuririn, and Mr. Satan.
this ends my little rant. I'm sorry for forcing you to suffer
through this tyrade, but I was a little pissed off while
writing this. I wish I could blame it on something like
a death in the family or something, but it's nothing that
noble - just the burdens of a lack of women at the present
time. I promise to spread the messages of happiness and
joy in my next article!
Aaron's Site: Arrogancy.Net