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Aaron is in complete love with Flaffy, read all about it! Aaron Talks Dragonball:
The Five Worst Characters Ever!

Aaron - 5.05.01


I promised my buddy Matt another article around two weeks ago, but I really couldn't figure out what to write it on. I didn't want to write an article on a subject that I felt belonged in my entertainment section, and I didn't want to write about something from my childhood so obscure that average readers wouldn't "get." (I was a weird kid...)

I finally settled on a choice between writing about Fantasy Zone, Final Fantasy, Phantasy Star, and Dragon Ball. I ended up picking Dragon Ball after a weird selective process that included "pick the topic out of the three that does not belong."

I know that many of you out there hate Dragon Ball Z. After all, it is the most popular anime out there besides Pokemon and is adored by children everywhere. To watch something as mainstream and light as Dragon Ball Z is not "elite," no, only convoluted anime such as Lain or Evangellion will suffice for many.

Well, that's you. There are many, many fans of Dragon Ball. Some like it for the fighting, some like it for the style, others have been following ever since Son Gokou was a little kid and have seen some of the best character development ever in a series; growing attached to the Z warriors almost as if they were members of their own family. Okay, that's taking it a bit far, but the point still remains - Dragon Ball is a shining example of buildup and character development that can only really be appreciated if seen from the beginning. It gets a little hokey around the Boo saga, but it's still an enjoyable, lighthearted watch.

Anyway...enough defending of the series. Now it's time for my little rant.

I shall now present my 5 least favorite characters out of all 3 Dragon Ball series (including movies), characters that I feel are the low points of the story. If all you saw were episodes featuring any of these characters, I don't blame you for your opinion of the series, as they just plain suck. In my opinion at least.

Lets begin, shall we?


NUMERO FIVE: BROLLY!
(Warning, this rant is the longest of all of them. If you don't care much about his back story, skip to the next one!)

I must admit, my hatred for Brolly stems mainly from the fanboy love of this character. Brolly is big, Brolly is strong, Brolly is invincible. Brolly is like Dragon Ball Z’s equivalent to the Incredible Hulk (And I’m talking about the stupid “Hulk Smash!” Hulk here). Brolly also represents most of what is wrong with Dragon Ball Z.

First, a little background on this guy. Brolly’s name is actually “Broccoli.” All Saiyajin names are based off of vegetables; Vegeta is vegetable, Radditz is raddish, Kakarotto is carrot, and so on and so forth. Brolly was first featured in Dragon Ball movie number 8, which was all in all one of the better Dragon Ball Z movies. He was later featured in movies 10 and 11 as well, making him one of two Dragon Ball Z movie villains that actually return in multiple films (The other being Cooler, one of my favorites). He’s also really big, really strong, and really stupid.

Movie 8 gives us the background story of Brolly. When Brolly was a baby, he was tested and found to be the legendary Super Saiyajin, a rare breed of Saiyajin that is born with exponential power. He was stored next to Gokou (Saiyajin babies were stored in a nursery of sorts, later to be sent to other planets to destroy them), which proved to be one of the biggest mistakes of the series’ history.

Gokou has always had mental problems, proven no more evident than by the fact that he cried 24 hours a day. The constant crying of Gokou, coupled with the unstableness of his own awesome power, made Brolly quite insane.

Vegeta-O, father of Vegeta, king of the Saiyajins ordered that Brolly be killed. If Brolly was allowed to live, he would pose a major threat to Vegeta’s position of power, and we can’t have that, can we? Therefore, despite the pleadings of Brolly’s father, Brolly was promptly stabbed and left for dead.

This also happened to be the period of time in which Freeza decided to blow up Planet Vegeta. Brolly (who was not actually dead) sensed Freeza’s attack and flew he and his father out of the planet before it was destroyed. Many years later, his father placed a slave crown on his head in order to control his power and psychosis. Thus, the setup for movie 8.

Movie 8 was one of the best Dragon Ball Z movies until the fighting actually began. The first half of the movie was setup and plot development, all done quite well. After a great bit with a drunk Kuririn singing, Gokou and the rest were invited to a planet by Brolly’s father to fight the “Legendary Super Saiyajin.” Saiyajins, especially Vegeta, cannot turn down a good fight, so off they were to the planet. Once they arrived, a calm Brolly was seen (with the slave crown on, of course) and seemed to hold a special hatred for Gokou. After a bit of banter between Vegeta and Brolly’s father, things erupted and Brolly’s immense power was released, destroying the slave crown in the process.

People often make the assumption that Dragon Ball Z is just people flying around in the air, staring at each other, screaming, and shooting ki. This is really off; the big fights between main villains are like that, but only after months of development and buildup. The drawn out fights make sense in this context, even if sometimes a bit excessive (such as Gokou’s two-episode long genki dama against Freeza).

The problem about the Brolly fight is that it is ridiculously one-sided. NOTHING works on Brolly; all of the heroes use their most powerful attacks and they don’t even phase him. It’s ridiculous to see the heroes simultaneously pound on him to no effect whatsoever. At least show him blink or something! This goes against all of the conventions set by the show; there has never been a villain or hero that could just walk through every attack imaginable. And it doesn’t help when the guy can’t talk either…once he goes Ultra-Saiyajin (Which isn’t even as powerful a transformation as Super Saiyajin 2…or Perfect Cell, for that matter), all he can do is mumble “Kakarotto” for a half hour.

Anyway, Brolly is finally defeated after everyone gives Gokou their ki and he punches Brolly through the scar in his stomach. However, this is not the last we see of Brolly…

Movie 10 brings us to a teenage Gohan, his younger brother Goten, and the young Trunks (Vegeta’s son). Somehow, Brolly survived his apparent death and the explosion of the planet that he was on and has come to earth looking for Gokou. He is frozen in some ice or something until he is discovered by Trunks and Goten. Brolly comes out mumbling about “Kakorotto” and mistakes the young Goten for his father (While Goten complains about not liking to eat carrots or something). Then another fight begins, this one containing child abuse, mooning, and Brolly’s face being peed upon. The teenage Gohan finally shows up and actually does phase Brolly a little bit. Of course this is really stupid since the teen Gohan is stronger than Cell, who is stronger than Brolly. But we’ll ignore that for the moment. Anyway, after finding out that you can’t even kill Brolly by dumping him in lava (Huh?), Kuririn flies in and saves the day. Oh wait, nevermind, he gets knocked down in one hit. Gohan and Goten throw a last ditch Kamehameha at Brolly and kill him with the spirit of their father helping them along. Or is it? The world may never know.

In Movie 11, Brolly returns yet again. This is actually my favorite movie with Brolly in it, as it features 3 of my favorite characters, Kuririn, Android 18, and my personal favorite, MRSATANTHEBESTCHARACTEREVER! Not recognizing that Mr. Satan is the best character in the entire series is like not having Dan Hibiki as your favorite character in Street Fighter Alpha…it’s preposterous! Anyway, some guy used Brolly’s blood to create a clone of him and invited the WORLD CHAMPION MR. SATAN to come participate in a Martial Arts tournament against a group of bio-engineered fighters. Goten, Trunks, and Android 18 tag along for the ride and take a tour of the place. Goten and Trunks run across the vat storing Brolly and get mad and shoot it. The contents spill out, creating a sort of Blob-Brolly, as well as releasing the blob-like liquid that constantly grows and devours anyone that it touches. After a bit of fighting between the heroes (and Kuririn who once again appears from nowhere, this time to save his wife), they defeat the Bio-Brolly and are now forced to stop the liquid substance. Mr. Satan saves the day by discovering that salt water stops the liquid, and Goten, Trunks, and Kuririn destroy the bio-liquid with a well placed Kamehameha tidal wave. (Can anyone explain to me how the “me” syllable could be made with your mouth wide open?)

My main problem with Brolly is that I am naturally not drawn to big dumb people, whether heroes or villains. I never liked Heman or any cartoon featuring a guy wearing underwear. I don’t like Superman, and I don’t like the Hulk. Hell, I wouldn’t even like Ah-nold if he wasn’t so darn funny! (Who I your daddy and what does he do?!) Thus, I hate Brolly by default if for nothing else than being the biggest, strongest, dope on the show.

Brolly also ruins the balance set by the entire series. He gives merit to all the anti-mainstream people who say that Dragon Ball Z is “just fighting and yelling,” and really cheapens the whole movie series by appearing 2 and a half times.


NUMBER FOUR: BULMA

Take all of the annoying women that you’ve ever known, combine all of their annoying traits, and magnify them by 10. That’s Bulma in a nutshell. Bulma’s name is actually Bloomers, as all of her family is named after underwear (Dr. Briefs, Trunks, Bra). Well besides her mother, who is just known as “Bulma’s mom.” Bulma was actually the first character introduced in the series; it was she that initially introduced Gokou to the outside world by hitting him with her car and then shooting him in the head.In the Dragon Ball series (In the anime - all of the manga is called Dragon Ball), Bulma was the…uh…breast girl, as she was the one always forced to bare her breasts, have them fondled, or have them oogled. Still that does not make me feel sorry enough for her to deny the fact that she is utterly and positively ANNOYING until much later in the series. However, this is not why I hate her.

Bulma was going steady with Yamcha for much of the series. They were pretty much the shows “hot item” for a long time. That is, until Vegeta showed up. After Vegeta almost destroyed the earth but was defeated by Gokou, Kuririn, and Gohan, he was somewhat forced to side with the good guys in the fight against Freeza. After Freeza killed him and he was brought back to life, he was forced to side with the good guys to defeat the androids who were destined to destroy the earth. Sometime during this period, Vegeta changed from an anti-hero into a good guy. What changed him?

Bulma poontang!

Yes, Bulma cheated on Yamcha with Vegeta during the period in which Vegeta was training with the androids and had a baby by him with the name of Trunks. I dunno about you guys, but I don’t much respect any person who cheats on their boyfriend with a guy who was once responsible for the boyfriend’s death. The worst part is, Yamcha can’t even confront Vegeta since Vegeta is 1,000,000 times more powerful than him! All he can do is sit and sulk about the woman that he lost. However, this is still not the reason that I hate Bulma.

No, the reason why I hate her is related to a little game on the NES called Dragon Power. My memories of that game were haunted by some little blue haired girl that constantly badgered and forced you to do things for her. And I don’t mean good “things,” I mean crap like rescuing her from tentacles or rescuing her from being turned into a carrot or having to go through an extra level because she wouldn’t give up her “sandwich.” When I finally saw the Dragon Ball anime, and realized that it was the same as this game from my youth, all my old feelings of disgust with Bulma came crashing down on me. That is why I hate Bulma.



NUMBER TRES: SKINNY BOO

I actually do like the fat form of Boo. He makes me laugh, and he’s a friend of THEBESTCHARACTEREVERMRSATAN. I even like the ultra-evil Kid Boo. And I wish Ubuu was actually used in the series. However, the skinny form of Boo made this list because of one simple reason…

He cheats. Besides the power to turn anyone into candy and then eat them, Boo has done the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen any villain do.

Take Jason Voorhees, a seemingly unstoppable villain. What would be the best way to kill him? Beheading? Nah, someone might reattach it. Disembodiment of all limbs? Read the Jason X movie script. No, the best way to kill an unstoppable villain is to blow him up and then disintegrate every single piece of it.

A smart tactic, and one that Piccolo and Gotenks (the fusion of Goten and Trunks) use against him. Gotenks blows up Fat Boo with the “Super ghost kamikaze attack,” and then he and Piccolo wander around burning every little piece of Boo that is left. You’d think that would kill him, but NOOOOOOOOO, the smoke flies in the air and Boo comes back together! I would immediately give up, right then and there. Drop everything, I’m going home. How are you supposed to destroy something that you can’t even disintegrate? I bet you that even someone like Q could be disintegrated! But not this skinny pink blob thing, right? Stupid.Thus, Boo gets stuck on this list for breaking the undeniable rule of all villainy...

IF YOU ARE DISINTEGRATED YOU DO NOT COME BACK!


DEUCE: SUPER SAIYAJIN 4 GOGETA

Dragon Ball GT started off promising, looking to restore some of the original adventure from Dragon Ball that was lost in the later episodes of Dragon Ball Z. Then something went terribly, terribly wrong.

I'm guessing that the fans wanted "more action" or something, because that's what we got. Bebi was brought into the storyline as a villain, and that gave us our first glimpse of Super Saiyajin 4.

Now I'm against the whole "levels of Super" system - it seems like a cheap cop-out to make someone powerful enough to defeat whatever villain they face. The original Super Saiyajin form was good; it was a perfect end to the series (it was initially supposed to end after Freeza's defeat). When Gokou went super, he was initially supposed to be the only one to go super, he being THE legendary Super Saiyajin. The fans wanted more, so we ended up getting the Cell saga, which was also supposed to be the end of the series (once again). Here, Gohan finally recognized his true power (which we only received glimpses of previously), the ultimate form of Super Saiyajin. Of course, the fans wanted more, and Toriyama brought forth the Boo saga. After Gokou realized the totally ugly (and useless) Super Saiyajin 3, "going super" lost its luster.

In whatever case, Super Saiyajin 4 is the most ridiculous form seen so far. The other Super forms had a system - you got more forehead and more gold hair and more electricity with each level. I guess the animators decided that any more hair would make Gokou look like a gold critter, so they decided to mess up the system and give him a…

RED FURRY VEST OF HAIR!

Look at this progression that I have here. Where does the furry red vest fit in?

Some explanation was given as to Oozaru Saiyajin heritage or some jargon. Who knows? All I know is that it looks ridiculous. I thought that Super Saiyajin 4 was going to be the last stupid thing brought to the series, but I was wrong. So very wrong.

The next saga introduced was the final one, the evil Dragon Saga. Apparently, people used the Dragon Balls too much throughout history, causing each to crack and release a powerful dragon. The 4 star (?) Dragon was the most powerful, and neither SSJ4 Gokou or SSJ4 Vegeta was strong enough to defeat him. What did the heroes do? They fused and became SUPERSAIYAJIN4GOGETA!

Fusion was introduced at the end of Dragon Ball Z in order to gain enough power to defeat Boo. However, Saiyajins are naturally cocky and arrogant, and fusion multiplies their natural emotions by two. Not only is Super Saiyajin 4 Gogeta the most idiotically powerful person on the show; he is also the most irritatingly playful! He could have easily destroyed Evil Dragon #4, but instead played around - leading up to Gokou eventually sacrificing his life to save the universe. Again. But this time for good.


UNO: SON FREAKIN GOKOU

Suprising? Yes, I hate Son Gokou. He is the most irritating character on the series to me - the happiest moment of Dragon Ball to me was when he died and Son Gohan took over the show. Why does he annoy me so?

First of all, he's an idiot. When he was a kid, it was funny to see him stumble through life, always hitting stuff with his head and using raw power and determination to defeat the odds. When he was an adult and had children of his own…it stopped being funny.

Second of all, Gokou endangers the world more than he saves it. Half of the sticky situations that the good guys on the show have been in can be directly blamed on Gokou. Who let Radditz's tail go when Piccolo could have killed him right then and there with a makankosappo? Gokou. Who didn't finish destroying all of Red Ribbon, thus allowing Dr. Gero to create the androids that destroyed most of the planet in Trunks' timeline? Gokou. Who blew up Kaiosama and Bubbles when he clearly had time to teleport them away from the exploding Cell? Gokou. Who turned into a big monkey and killed his grandfather by crushing him? Gokou. Who takes his sweet time arriving to every single fight, allowing everyone else to be beaten up/killed in the process? Gokou.

In early Dragon Ball, it was established that Gokou was a pretty naive guy. Of course, he was a little kid as well. Unfortunately, Gokou did not mature at all throughout the progression of the series besides figuring out not to look up random girls' dresses! He's married, has two kids and a granddaughter, and still acts like a freakin' 8 year old!

Gokou is also the least interesting character in the series. Yet, he gets the most attention. Yeah, it's his show, but does he have to be OMNIPOTENTLY POWERFUL? Every time someone gets more powerful than Gokou, he pulls some crap out of his ass and becomes the most powerful person on the show again. Admittedly, this was not the case in Dragon Ball, as until the end of the series, there always was someone more powerful than Gokou (Kamesenin, Tenshinhan, Mr. Popo). However, once DBZ got started, Gokou would always stumble upon some "ultimate power" that he had buried deep inside. That in turn would take away the glory from far better characters like Piccolo, Kuririn, and Mr. Satan.

Well, this ends my little rant. I'm sorry for forcing you to suffer through this tyrade, but I was a little pissed off while writing this. I wish I could blame it on something like a death in the family or something, but it's nothing that noble - just the burdens of a lack of women at the present time. I promise to spread the messages of happiness and joy in my next article!

- Aaron
mail@aaronmccray.com
AIM: AbMcCray
Aaron's Site:
Arrogancy.Net

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