Owner of the website, Cover Girl compact enthusiast 'Matt', had this to say: "The whole Zaius thing is purely coincidental. That's actually a photo of me. I spend most of my time inside running websites, so I don't have much use for shaving. Now that that's cleared up, do you happen to know Corey Haim's telephone number?"

Unsatisfied with his response, our reporters sought out also-girly 'Swandive'. "Don't blame me. If I owned a website, you could bet Ginger Spice would be the pic used to get people to my message board. It's not my fault Matt has an ape fetish. Now lemme alone, Pokemon's on."

Apparently, this 'message board' was created to let the readers of the (name withheld) website to correspond with the writers and other readers in a total, free forum. It is expected to keep most website users at their computers 24 hours a day, constantly hitting refresh in order to see if anyone's answered their inquiries about who was the best character on Thundercats.

Finally, we caught up with the site's graphic designer, 'Brant', who had this to say: "No, I'm not gay. They are. I wanted the linking pic to be a pair of big tits. They wanted Spice Girls and Planet of the Apes. Don't blame me, I'm not the one who's gay."

In any event, whether (name withheld)'s message board become a success depends fully on the site's wonderful readers. Wonderful, wonderful readers. While the site in question is still posting their thoughts on such ground-breaking items as 'failed cereals of the 1980s' and 'stupid video game quotes', we're certain it's only a matter of time before respectful Zaius fans step in and shut it down.

- Associated Press