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Dr Rocket Presents:
4 Quick and Easy Halloween Costumes
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Dr. Rocket
- 10.14.01
Well, it's just about Halloween time again, and that means it's time to ask one of the most difficult holiday questions of the year: "What am I going to be?" For some people, their Halloween costume is an elaborate project worked on up to months ahead of time. But if you're like me, you're looking for something that can be whipped together an hour before going out, but is a little more creative than the old sheet with two eye holes cut out. Assuming you fall into the second category, you've come to the right place because this year XE is doing all the work for you! I've come up with some great costumes that are not only easy to make and cost almost nothing, but will impress your friends a lot more than that shitty pirate costume you were going to wear again.
Costume #1 - Don Lapre
Necessary Materials:
* Khaki Pants
* Red Polo Shirt
* Classified Ads section of the local newspaper
* Optional wad of Monopoly cash
What to do:
All you have to do to pull this one off is act the part. If anyone asks "Who are YOU supposed to be?" immediately begin explaining how they could be making "limitless amounts of cash, simply by placing tiny ads!" while waving your fistful of cash. If you come across any particularly gullible people (like Matt) you may even end up making some money in the process. The best part about this costume is how versatile it is. Have a friend who forgot their costume? Just have them follow you around as your "satisfied customer." Plus, if during your night of drunken partying you happen to lose your classified ads, simply tell people you're a Target employee and ask if you can help them find anything.
 
Costume #2 - Future Guy
Necessary Materials:
* 2 Black Plastic Garbage Bags
* Duct Tape (Preferably Grey)
* 1 Adhesive Label
What to do:
Cut two holes in the bottom of one of the bags for your legs and pull the bag on like a pair of pants. Next, cut two arm holes and a neck hole in the bottom of the other bag and pull it on like a shirt. (Garbage bags can be dangerous if you wrap them around your head until you can't breathe... be careful! This costume not recommended for children under 3.) Tuck your "Future Shirt" into your "Future Pants" and wrap the duct tape tightly around your waist several times as a "Future Belt." Write something futuristic on the adhesive label like "Future Suit 3000" or something and stick it in the center of your chest and you're all set! Throughout the night make a point of saying things like "I knew that was going to happen, you see, because I'm from the future." If anyone asks you to predict anything, just say you aren't allowed to reveal future events or it may screw up the space/time continuum. You can even use it as a great pickup line! Something like "Boy, you sure look familiar. Oh, I remember! We had that wild night of amazing sex back on Halloween 2001! Wait a minute... that's tonight, isn't it? Imagine that!"
 
Costume #3 - Pop Sensation Lionel Richie
Necessary Materials:
* Digital photo of Lionel Richie (provided)
* Software capable of basic photo editing
* Color printer
* A piece of cardboard roughly the size of your head
* (1) Large rubber band
* Stapler
* A suave outfit
What to do:
Start by copying the following picture to your hard drive.
Open your photo editing software and increase the size of the image as large as you can while still fitting it on one sheet of paper (8.5x11"). Print the picture in the highest quality you can on a nice heavy paper and then cut out the outline of Lionel's head. Next, spread some glue on the back of the picture and stick it to the cardboard. Once again cut along the outline of Lionel's head through both the paper and cardboard. Hold your mask up to your face and mark where your eyeholes need to be and cut them out. Cut the rubber band in half and staple one end to either side of the mask. Put on your suave outfit and mask and you're ready to go! I honestly can't give you any pointers on how to act like Lionel Richie, I've never met the guy, but I guarantee none of your friends have either, so feel free to adlib. In a pinch you can always say "Gee, that ceiling sure looks great... for dancing!"
 
Costume #4 - "Girls Gone Wild" Superstar
This one is really easy, but takes some daring to pull it off. If you're a female you need to accept that if you aren't careful, a lot of people are going to see your boobs. If you're the typical male reader of this site (like me) you need to accept that a lot of people are going to laugh at your horribly out of shape body. But for those of us with no shame about our flabby, hairy bodies and who plan on being severely drunk Halloween night, this can be a memorable costume!
Necessary Materials:
* A rectangular piece of cardboard or posterboard about the length and size of your upper chest
* A large permanent marker
* String
* "Daisy Dukes" shorts, bikini bottom, or any other lower body apparel common amongst drunken coeds
* Baggy T-shirt - preferably with some kind of "Spring Break" logo on it
* Mardi-Gras beads
What to do:
First you need to make sure your cardboard sign is cut to an acceptable size to span your chest, yet still fit underneath your shirt. With permanent marker write "Girls Gone Wild!" in large, bold letters across the sign. Other acceptable phrases are "Too Hot For TV!" and "Totally Uncensored!" Punch two holes in the top of the sign, one on either side of the center. Measure a piece of string to hang around your neck and hold the sign across your chest, then tie the string in the two holes. If you're concerned about revealing anything, you may want to tape the sign down or find another way to hold it in place. Put on your sexy shorts, hang the sign around your neck and put the tshirt on over the sign. Add a pile of mardi-gras beads and any other appropriate accessories and you're done! Make sure you "flash" everyone you see throughout the night while yelling things like "Whooo! Spring Break!" As I said before, this costume is greatly enhanced depending on how drunk you and everyone around you are. With enough beer even the fattest guys will feel like a nubile coed slut.
 
There you have it, four great costumes you can put together in less than an hour for less than $10. But what happens if you get stuck in a last minute situation where you forgot or didn't know you were supposed to have a costume? Here's a few last-minute excuses that could save you.
1. You and your friends were going to be "Harry and the Hendersons" but the guy with the elaborate "Harry" suit got sick.
2. Take off one of your socks and put it on your hand as a puppet. Complement yourself with it often and say you're a "Narcissistic Sock Puppeteer." Or put a sock on both hands and say they're your conscience.
3. Say you're being Abraham Lincoln's brother Leonard, that has been somehow transported to modern times. Who can really argue with you on that?
I hope these tips help at least one person out there! If anyone wants to try these out, email me at drrocket@x-entertainment.com and share your pictures and I'll post them here. Have a great Halloween everyone!
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Dr. Rocket
drrocket@x-entertainment.com
AIM: schordock2 Reader Submissions:
 
 
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