As most of you know, Transformers hit the big screen with their very own movie in 1986. The film was slammed by critics when it came out, but over the years everyone's warmed on it to the point where no self-respecting geek is without the DVD. The movie wasn't a simple extended episode, rather a vehicle to usher in an entirely different core of characters for the next few seasons.
So, they killed Optimus Prime off.
It was shocking, not so much because a cartoon robot died, but because they actually went ahead and removed their most popular character. It was a careful risk - the post-movie episodes of the Transformers are almost a different show entirely, and to pull it of successfully, they needed to get rid of the old guard. This wasn't an exercise in art - Hasbro just wanted to sell more toys. Instead of trying to sell an Optimus Prime figure in a market where every kid already had an Optimus Prime figure, they changed the scope of the series to introduce many new characters, and thus, many more toys.
While the post-movie episodes were interesting in one regard, they were a complete failure in another. I personally like the later episodes because they're such a train wreck, but these shows admittedly lacked the charm of the earlier episodes. There were several problems - the storylines for the post-movie eps were either boring or flat out ridiculous with few exceptions. The characters were never developed; you were just watching tons of colorful robots bounce back and forth with little to differentiate themselves. The earlier shows were usually lighthearted and left warm feelings, but the later episodes were typically pretty depressing.
Above all else, there was no central character. None. We used to have Optimus and Megatron as focal points. Now we had 'Rodimus Prime' and 'Galvatron'. Galvy may just be Megatron in a different body, but boy did he ever lose a lot of what made us like him. Rodimus was the bigger problem - he was almost totally inconsequential to many of the shows, and I seem to even recall a few where he didn't appear at all. Without central characters or any good secondary characters, kids were quickly losing interest and moving on to greener pastures. But in the middle of all the lost viewers, there was one message pouring through so loud that nobody could ignore it:
Bring Back Prime.
After a season or two of passable-to-terrible shows, Hasbro finally listened. They brought back Optimus Prime. Of course, by this point it was far too late - the popularity was gone and it wouldn't come back, literally, until this year. "The Return of Optimus Prime" is a famous two-part episode which not only brings the true Autobot leader back to life, but features a galaxy-spanning civil war where it's every 'Bot for himself.
Before we start the review, I just want to mention that this isn't a terribly great episode. Memorable, definitely. Regardless of the show's overall quality, you've got to admire Hasbro - even if they did it with a financial incentive - for giving us back our hero and letting him live on in our Transfantasies. Here's how it happened...
 
Okay, we're aboard some test shuttle with two people who's names escape me. Their names don't really matter, we'll just call them Dr. Bob and Carolyn. They've piloted themselves near a star that's about to explode, to test out the new ship's durability. While there, they notice another, seemingly dormant ship on a crash course with the star. Aboard it is the lifeless body of former Autobot leader, Optimus Prime.
I don't know if they ever explained how he got on the ship. If they did, I certainly can't remember it. I'm also not sure how he got his color back after turning gray in the movie. I recall a few things from the post-movie eps where Optimus shows up in some fashion, so even when the guy's dead he's still pretty well traveled. I still don't understand why they didn't just put new batteries inside him. I mean, you don't throw your car away when it dies, ya just get it fixed. Optimus is sort of a car.
 
Dr. Bob is pissed at Optimus for an earlier incident that scarred his face, or something like that. Carolyn protests that they can't let him crash into the star, and that they should risk their lives to retrieve the body of a dead robot. I don't care what sort of prizes you promised me, there's no way I'd go for that. But Carolyn's persistent and Dr. Bob is already considering the evil ways he can use Prime's body, so they board the other shuttle and get him out of there right before everything explodes.
The 'human element' was sorely missing from most of the post-movie shows, so it's no surprise that they're getting such a prominent role in this landmark episode. Nobody watching at home really gave a shit about any human character, but they did help move the story along and offered the type of insights 20' robots just can't give.
 
When they get back to Earth, they notice that the ship is covered in alien spores. So they throw some spores in with a cage of rats. That's the first thing I'd do if I found alien spores. Fuck the health risks - let's get some test rats. It proves effective, as the spores are revealed to be a hate-inciter, causing anything they touch to GLOW BRIGHT RED and become really, really violent.
I'm torn as to what's the worse side effect. Being really violent all the time might have some negative aspects, but on the other side of the coin, you'd be awful at hide-and-go-seek if you GLOWED BRIGHT RED. Carolyn begs her father and some other maladjusted human to throw the spores back into space, but they're too damn twisted to care.
 
Instead, the Doc wants to use the spores to get revenge on the Autobots. See, Carolyn got in this little accident. The Autobots fitted her with cyborg leg attachments so she could still walk. Carolyn thought it was a nice gesture, but her father saw it as the Autobots' way to take over the world. You know, by turning us all into robots. Damn, we're only like six or seven minutes in and already I feel like they're ad libbing their way through the plot.
Doctor Bob orders Carolyn to send the Autobots into his death trap. He wants to make them all GLOW BRIGHT RED and kill each other. I don't care if they kill each other, but I am vaguely interested in seeing what they look like glowing red. Especially Blurr because I've always felt it was his color.
 
Meanwhile, we find Rodimus Prime in deep thought at Autobot Headquarters. He's talking to a tribute statue of Optimus, complaining about what a terrible leader he's been. No arguments there, but Roddy should be a little more optimistic. At least he hasn't thrown the Matrix away again yet. After admitting that he's nowhere near the leader Optimus was, he just stands there looking contemplative for thirty seconds, trying to chip away at his Autobot emblem because he doesn't deserve to wear it.
Rodimus: Optimus, friend, am I really that bad of a leader?
Optimus: Indeed.
Rodimus: Hey, you're a statue! How are you talking?!
Optimus: Confirming that you suck is worth a supernatural phenomenon to me.
 
Carolyn confronts Rodimus, and wastes no time in explaining her father's evil plot. But since he's got Prime's body, the Autobots have no choice but to risk walking into a trap. Why they need a dead robot's body so bad, I can't explain. Maybe one of their giant tables is missing a leg.
 
Sure enough, it's a trap! Rodimus manages to salvage Optimus' body, but at the price of all his Autobot buddies becoming infected with the alien spore red glow disease. Now all of the heroes are maniacal beasts of terror, pounding on one another with extreme prejudice. It doesn't take too long for Rodimus to become infected himself, leaving just a scant few Autobots left who aren't red monsters. The top remaining good guy is fucking Sky Lynx, so it's a safe bet we're drawing closer to a special robot resurrection.
 
Oh yeah, the Decepticons have been infected too. All of them, actually, except for Galvatron. Strangely, the 'Cons maintain their team status even while infected - they hate Galvatron because he's not glowing red, but the rest of them are perfect chums. I'm not sure why the dust worked different with the Autobots. I'm not sure the writers could explain that one either. Chalk it up to the limited number of accepted plot oversights in television shows meant for six-year-old brains.
 
The disease spreads like wildfire, all but conquering Earth and even faraway planets. The Quintessons aren't safe either - their lackey Sharkticons have been infected and are after their masters, so Sky Lynx agrees to rescue one of them in exchange for help in bringing Optimus back to life.
If you don't know what a Quintesson is, don't worry about it. There's no real direct way to explain them. They've got several faces, they're mean, and they like to hold bogus trials. They float, too! Despite their criminal ideals, Sky Lynx realizes that they're the only things smart enough to raise the dead successfully. It's show time, folks.
Sky Lynx: Do you think this will work?
Quintesson: Probably not, but thanks for saving me!
Sky Lynx: Well then what were you doing with his body that whole time?!
Quintesson: I'm not sure. You'll have to ask one of my other heads.
Sky Lynx: Which one?
Quintesson: Try the third one.
Sky Lynx: Which is the third one?!
Quintesson: It's the head with the eyes. It's scary looking.
Sky Lynx: They're all like that!
Quintesson: No, one of them looks clownish.
Sky Lynx: You're a strange individual.
Quintesson: This coming from a guy who's part dinosaur, part tiger, part robot, part space shuttle? You know, people who live in glass houses...
Sky Lynx: Oh shut up.
And with that, Optimus RISES! It's alive...IT'S ALIVE! Or is it? Follow the link below to find out! Part II of The Return of Optimus Prime presents a climax to this enthralling tale - is Optimus really back? Will the Autobots survive the unholy spore dust war? Only one way to find out...
CONTINUE TO PART II
- Matt
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