In light of the recent news concerning Cuban boy 'Alien' Gonzales, we here at X-E went out of our way to uncover the truth about what really happened this early Saturday morning, when the U.S. finally barged in to kick poor Alien out of our fair nation. As they say in the movies and assorted Kodak commercials, a picture is worth...a thousand words.   Narrator: Poor Alien Gonzales...a boy with no true homeland. Here we see little Alien playing with the gifts all the rich Cuban Americans have bestowed upon him. But can toys replace one's need to be a rightful, just citizen? I think not.  Narrator: But what's this? Someone's grabbing little Alien! What's going on here?!  Aunt Crazygirl: Ahhlien! Ahhlien! We must go away far! Bad men'a comin! Comin'...for you!  Alien Gonzales: But Auntie Crazygirl! Me no want to go hiding again! Me want to stay here! Me love America! Me love Cuba! Wait...damn... Me want that American officer to tell me who me should love again! Me is forgetful, Auntie Crazygirl! Auntie Crazygirl: C'mon c'mon little Ahhhlien, we haven't time for dis!  Auntie Crazygirl: I's gotta hide you before dem Americans come and try to snatch you again, little Ahhhlien. Come, must hurry! I hear the American soldiers coming now!  U.S. Officer Grey: ALIEN! ALIEN GONZALES! Come out with your hands up! You've gotta go back to Cuba! All these picketers are blocking traffic! I promise I won't hurt you! I'll even let you hold my gun!  Auntie Crazygirl: No one gonna go find us in here...no one gonna take my Ahhlien away from me, no sir!  Auntie Crazygirl: Ahhlien, you hide in here. No one gonna go find you in 'dere. I promise it. You be real quiet, mmmkay? Auntie Crazygirl promise you no harm no foul, little Ahhlien... Alien Gonzales: But Auntie! It smells vaguely like burnt popcorn in here...me no like burnt popcorn! Auntie Crazygirl: Juss shut yo mouth before my accent gets ev'n worse, little Ahhlien!  Officer Grey: Okay, where's Alien? Auntie Crazygirl: Ahhhlien? What Ahhlien? I seen no Ahhlien, sir! I swear it! Officer Grey: I'm not leaving without Alien Gonzales maam. Nothing you can say will dispersuade me from tearing your home apart right now looking for him. Auntie Crazygirl: Well how bout some nice coffee, sir? Officer Grey: Hey! OK! ::a few minutes pass...::  Officer Grey: ...yeah, so I finally rented The Sixth Sense. What I don't understand is why that little kid never told Bruce Willis that he was a ghost. Auntie Crazygirl: Oh I know whatcha sayin', sir! That movie had more loopholes than a OJ testimony! Officer Grey: Wait a second...  Officer Grey: This coffee is kinda cold. I like my coffee how I like my women. Auntie Crazygirl: Hot? Officer Grey: No, black...and in an instant! ::cymbals crash:: So I'm just gonna put this in the microwave for a second...  Officer Grey: I think a minute or so should do the trick...  Auntie Crazygirl: Ohffficer! Ohfficer!  Officer Grey: Nothing like a good, hot cup of coffee. Hold on, I hear my phone ringing.  Officer Grey: What's that, General? Oh...I see. Uh huh...right. No, my shoes are black. Right. Okay, got it. Toodles...  Auntie Crazygirl: What was that all about, eh? Officer Grey: Well maam, as it turns out. We've decided to let your nephew stay in America for as long as he wants. Just...try to bathe him once in awhile.  Auntie Crazygirl: Ohhh Officer! Celebrate good times! Temporary layoffs! Good times! Ain't we lucky we got 'em! GOOD TIMES!! Officer Grey: Yes...well. Goodbye, miss.  Auntie Crazygirl: Ahhlien...you okay down in there Ahhhlien?  Auntie Crazygirl: Oh Ahhlien! Oh no!  Auntie Crazygirl: My poor poor little Ahhhlien. Oh my poor boy...  Auntie Crazygirl: I haven't been this upset since Murphy Brown went off the air.  Auntie Crazygirl: But I see no point in letting this tragedy happen for nothing, little Ahhlien.  Auntie Crazygirl: I might be a tad more remisce little Ahhlien...if you weren't so gosh darn tasty! I love happy endings!  - Matt | |||