The famous Radio City Rockettes do their thing, segueing into the feel good moment of a lifetime. Santa Claus is coming to town.

With his reindeer and a sleigh adorned with all sorts of golden bones, Santa waves to a crowd that's rapidly dissipating because they've been standing in the freezing cold for nearly eighty hours now. Those who remain are rewarded with unquestioned entry onto Santa's "good" list. Those who left will invariably rot in Hell for all eternity.

Most of the parades end with that shot, but a lot of extra effort went into the '84 edition. By "extra effort," I of course mean "Avner and Joey Lawrence." Uh oh. They're back...

Seems that Joey had just one more holiday wish for his magical clown friend to grant. It's a big one, though. Avner considered the possibilities for a moment, ultimately deciding that he couldn't let down the only child in New York City who paid any attention to him. Avner grants Joey's wish. With the twiggle of a nose and a shake of the gloved digits, Joey is mystically transported from the inhuman dungeon in the bowels of NBC Studios to the velvety plush of Santa Claus' sleigh. Yep.

The best part? Santa looked really pissed off about it. I can understand that -- how far did Joey Lawrence have to travel to make this appearance? 50 miles? 100? Santa had to fly a bunch of deer halfway across the planet. Can't he get his five minutes of glory? Doesn't Saint Nick deserve that much?

Seeing is believing -- check out this clip of Joey Lawrence taking the punch out of Santa's special moment.

Santa Claus arrives. Joey Lawrence shits himself. (3.5 MB)

Whew, we're finished! I hope you've enjoyed the trip; this took forever to put together. Again, 1984 is only the first of many parades you'll see reviewed this month on X-E. I'm not so sure I'll opt to write thirteen god damned pages about the next one, but we'll see. As a special bonus, the next two pages take a look back at several of the ad spots which aired during the parade. Have fun!


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