Let's get through this page quick -- there's still a lot to cover.

All right, so you've got the cast of "Hill Street Blues." That's cool -- it was a big show at the time, and they certainly had star power. Then again, the same could be said for Tim Conway, and look what they put him through. With these guys, it's arguably even worse. You can't at all predict what their performance is going to be about, but once they start singing, you know it's headed someplace awful. Suddenly, the cast of "Hill Street Blues" is surrounded by escaped zoo animals wearing slogan-enhanced T-shirts. The actors are well trained, and do little to suggest that they're ashamed or embarrassed by what they're about to do. For that alone, they should've got an Emmy. It's not just "Hill Street Blues" -- it's "Hill Street Blues Meets The Shirt Tales!"

For those who don't remember, the "Shirt Tales" were a group of animals who taught themselves to speak despite the fact that they were perfectly capable of getting their points across by way of their magical T-shirts, which constantly printed new phrases to reflect their moods. Now that you know the cartoon's gimmick, you probably understand why "Shirt Tales" didn't last very long.

Hill Street Blues meets the Shirt Tales. Now you've seen everything. (6.3 MB)

Nothing I can write will match up to what you'll see in this Betty Boop clip, so just download it and prepare to cackle.

Betty Boop shows leg and tits and ass and puddy. No, really. (800 KB)

Hey, look, it's Desiree Goyette!

You know...Desiree Goyette?



Hahaha, Danny Cooksey. You should remember him as "Sam" from "Diff'rent Strokes" -- the literal redheaded stepchild. Danny probably got all excited about his parade appearance, but boy, he had to be disappointed with the role they gave him. All he gets to do is sit on top of a big turtle, all alone without any surrounding attractions and zero attention from the crowd, appearing on television for all of four seconds before being forgotten completely forevermore.

I hope they at least let him keep the cowboy hat.

Similarly depressing was this lonesome Mighty Mouse -- it's the worst costume ever, and the crowd knows it. You've never heard a major city fall so completely silent as New York did upon Mighty Mouse's waving march. The hosts try to talk over the silence, but since it's about things having nothing to do with Mighty Mouse, it only made his appearance seem all the more sad.


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