REPLIES: 71 comments
Chestnuts roasted by
I've slowly turned my apartment into a Christmas village, but not just any regular Christmas village. A really crappy and holy ugly Christmas village. I do this every year - continually buying more and more decorations until even I can't stand looking at them anymore. I like the Christmas season probably more than anything else in the world, so I'm always setting up the holiday decor way too early. It's not the fact that I've had X-Mas junk up since the beginning of the month that's the problem, rather the fact that part of my sickness is a constant need for more. If I started piling this shit on my walls in mid-December, I wouldn't have enough time to completely ruin my apartment. Since I started on November 1st, I've had plenty of time to do just that.
Making matters worse is my penchant for thrift store wares, compiled with the fact that I've been helping some women set up their thrift store's Christmas section this year. It's afforded me the chance to buy a whole lotta dead people's old Christmas decorations, and boy did these people lack taste. I don't know why I can recognize that and still continue to buy all this shit, but at least nobody can accuse me of not being festive.
What's really bad is how terrible I am at keeping my decorations in good condition from year to year. These'll probably stay up till mid-January, and most will be broken and trashed by the time they come off the walls. So I'll have to go out and buy a whole new truckload of stupid shit next year, and every other year for the rest of my life. It's a good thing the cigarettes will kill me by the time I reach 27.
Anyway, here's a look at some of the stuff I've picked up recently. Every item was from a thrift, and nothing cost more than a buck or two. On the plus side, some of these decorations are great eBay fodder, and I'll actually end up turning a profit from my stupid holiday obsession. Though I'll have to force myself to part with the hundred various Japanese Santa Claus plastic devil dolls first. That's the tricky part.
Christmas ornaments: Now you might think buying eighty-five boxes of old ornaments is a tad much, but really, they don't make them like they used to. Today's boxes of ornaments are usually crap - they're either made of cheap plastic or yarn, or they're all uniform. And they're mighty expensive. The ornaments I picked up from the thrifts are vintage 50s/60s glass with frosted trim and all that jazz. Yes, stores still sell ornaments like these, but they're usually sold in single- or double-packs for four times what I paid for an entire box, if not more.
That said, my apartment has no room for a real Christmas tree, and I really don't have anything to do with the 36,000 ornaments. My plan? I'm going to start a cult, with the initiation process involving making would-be members run barefoot over a river of the glass ornaments. I didn't have any big interest in starting a cult, and I don't know what kind of cult it'd be, but you have to admit - it'd justify me owning 36,000 Christmas ornaments.
Scary Santa Doll #82: The latest in my long line of unattractive Santa Claus statues, this one just might be my favorite. Aside from having a bruised skin tone, Santa's head is shaped just like a prototypical alien's. The white in Santa's eyes isn't very white at all - rather a sky blue color that somehow makes him look like a murderer. I don't see how this could be construed as a 'good feel' decoration, since it truly is frightening to look at. It's bluish freaky eyes and UFO head seem to follow you around the room. Once Christmas is over I'm burning it. I hope nobody thinks it's as an effigy towards the real Santa Claus. It's not - I'm just really scared of it and I want it dead.
Macy's Snoopy Doll: It's kinda cute, but this one is strictly for eBay. A 1970s doll that was sold exclusively to Macy's customers who spent a certain amount on Chanel perfumes and whimsical ties. The one I picked up is pretty gritty, but the Woodstock earmuffs are still attached at least. I paid fifty cents, but they usually sell for 20 bucks or more. The strange stains all over him will help me get over whatever misgivings I have about selling it. I can justify a lot of things, but I can't justify keeping a doll that some kid shit all over thirty years ago. Well, unless it's a Mego Green Goblin doll. Then I'd make an exception. Not for Snoopy, though.
Christmas Tree Stand: Again, bought with the intent to hock for mo' money. I researched the higher priced items before hitting the thifts, and noticed that vintage aluminum trees and their accompanying stands did fairly well. This one definitely fits the bill - it's from the 1950s, all white with glitter. The cool thing? After you plug it in, the stand will make your Christmas tree rotate. AND - it actually plays music. When I was growing up, our Christmas tree stand was just this big hunk of green metal. Not very pretty. This one's gorgeous. It could've been Miss America if it was a girl and not a metal tree stand.
Toys R'Us Pull-Toy: Geoffrey the Giraffe and his giraffamily become immortalized in the plastic 1982 pull-toy. You've got his wife, kids, and for some reason, a suitcase and a pile of bricks. Geoffrey's car looks like something you'd drive on a safari expedition, but I guess that sort of makes sense given that they're, you know, giraffes. When you pull the thing along, Geoffrey bounces back and forth to illustrate his overwhelming sense of pride and joy in being the only giraffe on the planet who knows how to drive a car and who can fit into a polyester blazer. Go Geoffrey!
The eye-stickers are missing from his wife's figure, so I'll have to pretend that she's blind or sleeping. I prefer blind because it lets me imagine Geoffrey waking up bright and early each morning to dress her and glue a new wig to her head. Giraffes can be so much fun if you just try a little bit.
A Charlie Brown Christmas Video: I won't say much about it, because I'm sure I'll be reviewing this one by the time mid-December rolls around. I already own the tape, but couldn't resist picking this one up since it's apparently the original cassette from 1965. I thought they invented the VCR in '96? You know, because people really wanted to watch Independence Day from home to see if the effects were indeed dependent on the big movie screen and huge speakers. No? Give me a break, it's still early. By the way, this is certainly the best Christmas special ever.
Tiny Plastic Nativity Set: I have several of these, but this one's the smallest. I could tell you that I pictured it next to the tiny ghost candle to give you a better idea of it's minuscule size, but the truth is, I haven't gotten around to taking down all my Halloween decorations yet. Dracula statues standing next to Mrs. Claus statues do have some merits, though. I like how, in this depiction, baby Jesus' head looks like a donkey. It lends credibility to the theory that we were all created by a futuristic race of super-donkeys from the planet Zwilarto. I appreciate that.
Vintage Bubble Lights: One set of these can sell for over a hundred bucks, but since mine is unboxed and used, it'd probably sell closer to 50 or 60. Thing is, I really like them. I'm not sure I can give them away. If you're unfamiliar with bubble lights, they contain a glass vial of colored oil that bubbles as the light heats up. They still make them today, but they're just not the same. eBayers go nuts for these - I've seen some boxed sets go for higher than 200 bucks. It's scary that we live in a world where people would rather spend 200 bucks on a strand of old bubble lights than 800 packs of Juicyfruit gum.
Since we have several cats, the bubble lights need to be constantly monitored and protected. One wrong move, and we'll find them shattered on the kitchen floor as a result of the feline hockey matches that seem to take place regularly here. I made the rule that I'm allowed to break one cat limb for every Christmas decoration they break. We've got four cats - most are still getting by with two or three legs unbroken, but one is on deck for a neck-snapping. So in a way, I kinda hope they do break the lights. I like killing cats. It's what Christmas is all about.
More Nativity Statues: This time, baby Jesus looks like Andy from Family Ties. That's sooooo much more blasphemous than the other nativity set with the donkey-faced Christ.
Turtle Doves: Why did I buy them? I wanted to be like Kevin from Home Alone 2 when that old toy store guy with the lisp gives him stupid Turtle Dove statues. Why did I want to be like Kevin? HE GOT TO MEET TIM CURRY.
Toys & Trinkets: I found several old tins full of old trinkets, both Christmas-themed and not Christmas-themed. Everything from Santa to seagulls to naked babies. Easter bunnies to baby deer to old women on little rocking chairs. It's all here! I think they were originally used for craft projects, but I've got no interest in that. I'm not sure what to do with them exactly, but it seemed like a real bargain. Retrospectively, I've got enough stupid toys. Guess I'll have to burn these alongside the alien Santa from up above and my collection of 'All About Teeth' educational posters. If anyone can suggest a good use for this crap, feel free to drop me a line.
Huge Strands of Plastic Fruit: Okay, so they have nothing to do with Christmas. So what. Like you've never eaten a grape on Christmas? I got a gigantic box of these for three dollars, and some of the strands extend for at least five feet. I was thinking about cascading them over our doorways, but then the outside world would think an old grandmother lived here and start leaving baskets of prunes and TV Guides on our doorstep. Hey, free TV Guides! Guess I'll put them up after all. Some of the fruit aren't exactly scaled in a true-to-life size, unless I'm just missing something and there actually are pineapples the size of oranges. Also: some of the 'fruit' isn't really fruit at all - just colored plastic bulbs in various sizes that look nothing like any existing fruit or vegetables. The fact that they utilized imaginary fruit somehow makes me enjoy this purchase a whole lot more.
Old Avon Catalogs: See how bad my obsession is? I started buying fucking AVON CATALOGS just because they were holiday editions. I hate myself.
Well, my house is full of dirty Christmas crap and I think I should go try to restore order. Wish me luck and send me an angel. Right now. @ 00/00/ 00:00 EST
My neighbours have several pesky cats. Now I shall hang Christmas decorations on the shed so I hae an excuse to kill them...thanks for the inspiration.
Chestnuts roasted by Feral @ 11/23/2002 12:47 PM EST
wow matt, i suffer from this addiction as well! my room is literally covered in miscellaneous christmas crap right now! i just can't help passing up a good thrift store deal... and i am envious of the stuff you got! by the way, you can always put the little figures in the boxes you send to people! either that or stick them in odd places around the neighborhood or in doctor's offices...
Chestnuts roasted by Ashley @ 11/23/2002 12:56 PM EST
Wow I have like 10 boxes of bubble lights i am so in the money thrift stores rock! you can find old Ataris in there and crap and have isn't spelled hae
Chestnuts roasted by Douglas Dixon @ 11/23/2002 01:57 PM EST
I like cats, you dick.
:P
Well we have vertical blinds. Everytime my cat goes through them, I want to throw her across the room, because she screws them up everytime she winds her feline body around them.
Chestnuts roasted by Andophiroxia @ 11/23/2002 02:25 PM EST
I have that creepy miniature nativity set...and Jesus does look like a donkey. Not a cute donkey, either.
Chestnuts roasted by KEF @ 11/23/2002 04:00 PM EST
You could make up a contest and the toys could be prizes. I dunno', I just want free stuff...sigh.
Chestnuts roasted by Kennef @ 11/23/2002 04:27 PM EST
You have one sick obsession Matt...
Keep it up. :)
Chestnuts roasted by Matty @ 11/23/2002 05:07 PM EST
It's Christmastime in Hollis Queens...
Chestnuts roasted by Yeti @ 11/23/2002 05:37 PM EST
Those really are some bad nativity scene sets you've got there. But you obviously already knew that. I think having the ghost candle next to the first one makes it look better. =) And the tree in the corner with the ornaments on it that's in the first picture is just so festive. Hehe.
I have that song stuck in my head now. "Send me an angel. Send me an angel. Right now. Right now..."
Chestnuts roasted by Jessica @ 11/23/2002 05:43 PM EST
That is freakin' cool Matt. Sure the stuff is cheesy, but that's what makes it so great. I like your tastes.
Chestnuts roasted by Nathan @ 11/23/2002 06:37 PM EST
I've got a tiny plastic Christmas tree standing on a shelf in my bedroom that's been there for the past three years (or maybe four). I dunno, maybe if I keep this up I'll end up in the Guinness Book of Records.
My friends might start avoiding me though, but that's just a risk I'll have to take.
Chestnuts roasted by MrCoffee @ 11/23/2002 07:33 PM EST
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, on Christmas... :(
Chestnuts roasted by Baum @ 11/23/2002 09:41 PM EST
i think the trinkets scream 'x-e mystery box'
Chestnuts roasted by evin @ 11/23/2002 11:02 PM EST
Funny.
All that talk of e-bay makess me think you should do another e-bay article, Matt, because you said you were sick of reviewing stuff. And also none of the pics on those original articles ever work for me. I just get those bastard little x's.
Chestnuts roasted by asruidet @ 11/23/2002 11:25 PM EST
My mom would die to have those
Chestnuts roasted by Past1986 @ 11/23/2002 11:34 PM EST
I know this is off the subject but I need help! I have been looking for days for information on the old ytv! you peeps know, the old fuzzpaws named "Grogs" and the early "p.j.'s" Can anyone heed my call?
Chestnuts roasted by Past1986 @ 11/23/2002 11:38 PM EST
I just love old gaudy christmas ornaments...we had a set of old ones that were shiny orbs with little flowers and glittery stripes painted on them. My personal favorite was the one that was colored light green and had white flowers on it. One year, I accidently knocked down the whole tree. Only one ornament broke. Guess which one.
I also like those lighted ceramic trees that are full of holes, and inside each hole is a colored, plastic bit that makes it look like the tree has lights on it...you know what I'm talking about? I've been hitting Sonic Adventure 2 nearly all day and my mind is a bit fried (must...find...lost...chao...)...so I'm not doing very well at describing stuff.
We've a set of bubble lights. We also had this set of lights shaped like flowers. They looked pretty cool...except for this one psycho light that burned really dimly, but got mad hot. Scary!
I've got two holiday Sears Wish Books from 1989 and 1992. I love looking at them to see what was in style back then...and to see the "state of the art" electronics! Anyone remember those?
I want some flocked bunnies!
Chestnuts roasted by nuzzles @ 11/23/2002 11:48 PM EST
i love the chirstmas stuff if u want i hae two retarted santa that would go good with the skeme
Chestnuts roasted by e-dubb @ 11/24/2002 02:25 AM EST
We used to have several cats. They all died under mysterious circumstances.
Chestnuts roasted by Groover @ 11/24/2002 02:34 AM EST
Well... they weren't that mysterious.
Chestnuts roasted by Groover @ 11/24/2002 02:36 AM EST
You Fucking Bastard! You killed the cats! I'm selling your Star Wars toys. And no more internet porn for you!
Chestnuts roasted by Mrs. Groover @ 11/24/2002 02:39 AM EST
Me and my grandpa used to throw those glass bulbs at my other relatives. Ah, memories...
semi-precious memories...
Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 11/24/2002 04:01 AM EST
I tried to put up some christmas decorations in my room, but Skeletor and Metlar ate them.
Chestnuts roasted by Secondpillow @ 11/24/2002 12:14 PM EST
Metlar is so cool.
Chestnuts roasted by Secondpillow @ 11/24/2002 12:14 PM EST
I used to work at Target. In the stockroom, we had tons of ornament boxes. Half the stock always had broken ones, so we'd open them up in the stock room and throw them around. The ornaments would shatter into thousands of shards. Good times.
Chestnuts roasted by gall0wsp0le @ 11/24/2002 02:20 PM EST
GAH, the little donkey Jesus nativity scene.
When I was in grammer school, every Christmas they'd hand those things out to all the kids, sicne it was a Catholic school. One class at a time, you'd go down to the library to meet Santa (one of the preists dressed like him), and you'd shake his hand and he'd give you this wrapped box, and it was ALWAYS that stupid nativiy scene. Even if you didn't open the box itself to check it out, by the time you got back to class you were covered in more glitter than Jessica Rabbit. The teachers would make us dump out the boxes before you went back into the classroom just to keep the glitter from getting everywhere.
I think by the time I graduated though, they learned their lesson and switched over to little white angel orniments with no glitter.
Chestnuts roasted by Lim @ 11/24/2002 03:37 PM EST
Ahhh, here comes Christmas. This will be my first X-mas away from home...alas I will be in Boot Camp. I miss this crap. I miss those old ornaments that my grandmother put up that I was't allowed anywhere near, and hey to this day I can't go near 'em. I could make an easy grand if I sold all that stuff... Oh well, I'll be celebrating this year by doing push-ups and sit-ups... HOORAH
Chestnuts roasted by Ryan the Sailor Man @ 11/24/2002 09:02 PM EST
damn cats, they keep stealing the peanut butter from my pants...uh...hey...anybody wanna join a cult?
Chestnuts roasted by peanutbutterf etish @ 11/24/2002 09:09 PM EST
My family has the cheesiest Nativity set ever, and I would be tramautized if anything happened to it because it's been around my whole childhood.
It's from Mexico, 2 baby Jesus's, no Mary, a random women with a purple dress, blue tights and a sunhat, and the 3 wisemen that are matadors and singing into wire microphones?!?
My favorite part is a Friar that has a crucifix even though Jesus is a baby and hasn't been crucified yet.
Chestnuts roasted by Lindsey K @ 11/24/2002 10:01 PM EST
Lindsey K.
It's always good to plan ahead.
Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 11/25/2002 04:41 AM EST
I dunno dude. I looked up your bubble lights on ebay and most of them were only going for between 7 and 20 bucks! The in box mint ones were still only fetching between 40 and 50. But I guess if you only paid a buck it's still pretty sweet.
Chestnuts roasted by Karlo @ 11/25/2002 06:01 AM EST
Matt, I like the festive pictures because we have the same IKEA entertainment center and it reminds me why I don't let my girlfriend put ALL of her crap on it.
Chestnuts roasted by Ahrohbeebee @ 11/25/2002 09:48 AM EST
Matt you are fucking hot! (I just thought you would like to know! :P)
Also, my mom goes crazy with Christmas crap and we have a tiny little house, so it kinda looks like your place!
Chestnuts roasted by Pararu @ 11/25/2002 10:31 AM EST
I would make some kind of garland with that box of misc. trinkets. Just for year round fun. Same reason why I have purple lights all over the place and it's Halloween every single day of the year in my bedroom.
Chestnuts roasted by Lauren @ 11/25/2002 11:58 AM EST
i don't have any cool vintage christmas ornaments. no bubble lights, no satanic st. nick figurines, no blasphemous nativity scenes. but....i do have one creation that is very special to me. it is: the ONLY african-american light-up santa i've ever seen! standing about three feet tall, it plugs into the wall, and with its special...uhm..."ethnic" glow, the good people at Kmart pose the question, "who says santa has to be white?!"
...ok, so, really, its not that impressive. try as i might, Black Santa just isn't as cool as Devil Murderer Alien Santa. but, i've never seen another santa like him (and trust me, i've gone through many a Kmart in search of another ethnic santa). and, if you want to see pictures of The Man Himself, you can check out my homepage...it has a game called "Find Black Santa." its the only time I'VE ever seen santa speaking in really, really poor, totally-obvious-that-some-dumb-white-kid-knows-nothing-about-the-ghetto-except-that-rappers-are-from-there ebonics.
Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 11/25/2002 12:16 PM EST
AFTER YOU BREAK THE CAT'S NECK, WILL YOU TAKE PICTURES AND DO AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT??? J/K- I LOVE CATS, BUT COME CHRISTMAS TIME, KILLING CATS IS A FAIR GAME.....
Chestnuts roasted by ranae @ 11/25/2002 01:35 PM EST
You know, the only Christmas thing that I have is a little black Santa, but he's actually some kind of Kwanzaa figure. I have a little plastic snake draped around his neck, and since I lost the card that came with him that explained what saint he was and how he symbolized Kwanzaa, I changed his name to Horsecock Willy. What that has to do with X-mas I have no idea.
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 11/25/2002 03:24 PM EST
My grandmother has THE best nativity scene ever simply due to the fact all the figures have just been thrown together. It contains the following: Jesus, Mary, Joseph, five wise men, three camels, seven angels, Santa Clause,a kid throwing snowballs, a little school girl, donkey, and best of all...A TROLL!! Its great not only due to its randomness, but also because the figures are from different eras. The kids are at least 50 years old, while the the other pieces range from the 60's to whatever time trolls came out. If I wasn't a an idiot, I'd send a picture.
Chestnuts roasted by Caingnazzio @ 11/25/2002 03:28 PM EST
i lub this storie.
Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 11/25/2002 04:38 PM EST
I have a suggestion for using the misc. trinket toys - perhaps you could cut the figures up and randomly splice the figures back together to make a hybrid devil army? A naked baby with Santa's head, an old lady with teddy bear arms and duck heads for feet? I have a collection of plastic horses I intend to do this to, so we could make our mutant armies fight to the plastic death. Or something.
Chestnuts roasted by cARDbOaRD DEaD bOY @ 11/25/2002 07:13 PM EST
cARDbOaRD DEaD bOY
You rock. What looks really cool though is putting MAn At Arms' head on his ass. That way at least he looks like he should.
Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 11/25/2002 08:23 PM EST
Matt,
I have thrift store madness too, but I also have "I work at a library and people donate stuff" madness. I get books, CDs, tapes, records and videos. Someone donated a video just now that is labeled "Transformers II." If you are interested, and it IS actually Transformer stuff, let me know if you want it. Also are two blank tapes with no labels at all. I'm hoping for hardcore amateur porn.
Cheers,
Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 11/25/2002 08:31 PM EST
At the Target I work at we just send the broken bulbs back or something. I dunno. I've been there over four years and all I know is that everyone likes to yell at me and push me into the trash compactor. But I know they're only foolin' with me and I always get out just in time.
P.S. - Flocked bunnies are essential for any happy home and an important part of a balanced breakfast. Well, along with Internet porn. And trolls. And donkeys. And everyone needs more horsecock. Yes, yes.
Chestnuts roasted by Al @ 11/26/2002 06:06 AM EST
Matt, my mom is just as psychotic, if not moreso than you with decoratioins. She dresses my cats up with little Santa outfits. Last year, she even got a mini Santa outfit for my fuckin turtle. I don't know about you people, but it was the first time I ever heard of someone dressing a pet turtle up as Santa.
P.S-I'm still workin on the cure for comulsive buying.
Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 11/26/2002 12:36 PM EST
I adore nativity scenes. I have a thoroughly unhealthy obsession with them.
My favourite, however, would have to be my stepmom's. Baby Jesus is a fucking toddler, at least a year and half old. The theory is that Mary and Joseph really liked the damn barn. Also, they were waiting for presents, and it took the Wise Men a really long time to get to Bethlehem.
The other thing we love about it is the shepherds. They're 17th century shepherds with cherubic, androgynus faces and curly yellow hair, fancy, fluttery clothes and little white slippers, and one them I'm prepared to swear is actually a girl, and she doesn't look prepared to go running about a field full of sheep turds. The other is about an inch shorter than everyone else, so maybe he's from another set. The shepherds are in possession of three or four sheep and what is undeniably a goat.
But Caingnazzio? Your grandmother has the best one I've ever heard of. I am in awe of her.
Chestnuts roasted by Sundragyn @ 11/26/2002 12:45 PM EST
I think there should be a national cat killin' holiday. And it should be done soon, before they take over the government.
Chestnuts roasted by the dog @ 11/26/2002 01:23 PM EST
Can i please have the pink bunny from the trinket box? i like pink.
Chestnuts roasted by Cara @ 11/26/2002 09:39 PM EST
man, what I wouldn't give for one of those fruit...thingies.
Chestnuts roasted by tacotaco @ 11/26/2002 10:52 PM EST
I had a friend whom hung plastic fruit on her Christmas tree. That is, until we buried it in the backyard. Fruit does not belong on a Christmas tree, nothing pertaining to food belongs on a Christmas tree. Not even those blasted candy canes, for serious.
Chestnuts roasted by Banger @ 11/26/2002 11:19 PM EST
What does your girlfriend think about all of this?
Chestnuts roasted by Anna @ 11/26/2002 11:43 PM EST
His Girlfriend is a robot. He made it because his Imaginary one dumped him.
We should hang out, Matt. :)
Chestnuts roasted by American Vomit @ 11/27/2002 04:45 AM EST
k, so this seems to have turned into a "hey, nativity sets? WE have one of those!" so i will tell you of my favorite nativity set. it is wooden, and approximately 3" long by about 1 1/2" tall. it is triangular in shape, with two triangles for the top and bottom connected by 3 very tiny pegs at each corner. the figures themselves, as far as i can tell, are jesus mary and joseph, tho it's hard to say as they're made of odd shaped wooden things with faces drawn on in sharpie markers, the baby doesn't have a face. there's some other nondescript lumps of wood glued in there, making me think perhaps animals hadn't yet evolved to the point of recognizability, but who am i to critiscize evolution? either way, the things tiny and messed up, i love it, and it's the only ornament i hang on the tree every year. maybe i'll take a pic. or something. as for your box o' crap...i reccomend constructing a slingshot and positioning it near your front door/window, then launching the tiny trinkets at anyone who approaches your house. aim for the eyes! everyone likes you better when you give them presents.....
Chestnuts roasted by raven casey @ 11/27/2002 09:31 AM EST
k, so this seems to have turned into a "hey, nativity sets? WE have one of those!" so i will tell you of my favorite nativity set. it is wooden, and approximately 3" long by about 1 1/2" tall. it is triangular in shape, with two triangles for the top and bottom connected by 3 very tiny pegs at each corner. the figures themselves, as far as i can tell, are jesus mary and joseph, tho it's hard to say as they're made of odd shaped wooden things with faces drawn on in sharpie markers, the baby doesn't have a face. there's some other nondescript lumps of wood glued in there, making me think perhaps animals hadn't yet evolved to the point of recognizability, but who am i to critiscize evolution? either way, the things tiny and messed up, i love it, and it's the only ornament i hang on the tree every year. maybe i'll take a pic. or something. as for your box o' crap...i reccomend constructing a slingshot and positioning it near your front door/window, then launching the tiny trinkets at anyone who approaches your house. aim for the eyes! everyone likes you better when you give them presents.....
Chestnuts roasted by raven casey @ 11/27/2002 09:31 AM EST
d*mnit! sorry, browser got stuck, i hate computers!
Chestnuts roasted by raven casey @ 11/27/2002 09:31 AM EST
Call me privlaged if you want, but my family has a pretty ok set. All the animals are recognizable, and get this, the people look like real people! Well, everything is covered in a once inch layer of white pearl paint. They have lots of gold trim and crap on them too. The whole nativity is very ghetto fab.
Chestnuts roasted by Kennef @ 11/27/2002 02:09 PM EST
Matt yo taste in da x-mas shiznit be fuggly... you fuggly!
Chestnuts roasted by Homeboi @ 11/27/2002 05:32 PM EST
It puts the lotion on the skin and puts it in the basket.
Chestnuts roasted by Buffalo Bill @ 11/27/2002 06:39 PM EST
wait in an elevator for someone to get on....sprinkle trinkets around elevator floor. decalare you do it "for pepe".
Chestnuts roasted by Llama @ 11/28/2002 01:21 AM EST
Ohh, man. I've got some of those vintage bubble lights, too. They've been hanging around the bathroom mirror continuously for the last few years.
Geez, they've been up so long, I don't even remember when we first put 'em on there...
Chestnuts roasted by Will @ 11/28/2002 02:40 AM EST
If you're interested in selling the Home Alone 2 turtle dove ornaments, I'd be willing to take them off your hands. I'm another Kevin McAllister wannabe who wants to give a dove to someone to remember forever. It's sad that I still want to do this 10 years after the movie came out, but oh well, that's the truth.
Chestnuts roasted by Anne-Lise @ 12/02/2002 09:14 PM EST
I used to put icicles on my christmas tree.. But than we moved our tree near the fireplace so i can't do it anymore
Chestnuts roasted by Sire Ken @ 12/05/2002 06:02 PM EST
Ok, nativity set stories... uh, I have a very small nativity set made of wood in my house, with just Joseph, Mary, and the baby Jesus. Except that there's no baby Jesus, so someone... put a marble there... instead.....
And Matt, you're right- the Santa Claus doll is horrific. My mom loves collecting Santa-related stuff, but I doubt even she could stand that.
Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 12/05/2002 06:17 PM EST
Thank you for burning that goddamn Santa doll. I lose sleep many a night, knowing that he knows what he knows. But how does he know? Elves. It's the fricking elves! He is breeding an army of them. They come disguised as peaceful creatures, slowly converting all Christmas gifts into fudge. And by the time we're all to out of shape to fit into our luxury mid-sized overpriced minivans, it will be too late! They will have taken the world. And that sick son of a bitch Santa will be our ruler. Merry fuckin' Christmas!
Chestnuts roasted by Fear Is Your Only God @ 12/07/2002 10:44 PM EST
Y'know, my mother used to have these really nasty, ugly, horrible, plastic strands of 'Christmas Candy' that were basically vague candy shaped pieces of plastic, covered in yellow cellophane and strung together on cheap wire.
...there are I don't know how many bite marks on them from my little sister thinking that they were 'real candy'. I honestly don't know why she thought they were.
And so as not to leave out the obligatory nativity creche comment, my mother had a really lovely set - and seemed to object when I lovingly placed my Demona figure from Gargoyles on top of the manger, because she was going to guard the baby Jesus. ...what's so wrong about that? Parents, I swear. I do have to admit that Godzilla eating the little cows was probably a bad move on my part, however.
Chestnuts roasted by Aeire @ 12/09/2002 05:01 AM EST
I found your website by doing a search for "futuristic donkeys."
Long live the planet Zwilarto.
Chestnuts roasted by Bettina @ 12/11/2002 11:49 AM EST
WHERE CAN I GET HOME ALONE WHITE TURTLE DOVE ORNAMENTS? THANKS, KAREN
Chestnuts roasted by KAREN JOHNSON @ 12/16/2002 11:21 AM EST
In my family, we have a belief that if Christmas isn't tacky, it isn't Christmas. The tree and house should be covered in glowing, bubbling, shiny plastic, metal, and glass. That's just how it is. I hate those people who have formal trees with a matching theme, that's far to tasteful to be in the true spirit of xmas. So needless to say I love you apartment.
Chestnuts roasted by blnkfrnk @ 01/22/2003 02:21 PM EST
I have a santA with a 10 IN DICK, DOES ANYONE WANT TO BUY IT lol
Chestnuts roasted by mark the bird man @ 01/29/2003 12:11 AM EST
Delayed Post... cause I'm lazy
That is one freaky ass Santa! It wouldn't last 5 minutes at my place before I'd be bustin' it apart.
I'm sorry... Child's Play really warped me :)
Chestnuts roasted by Alphacentaurian @ 11/12/2003 10:12 PM EST
Delayed Post... cause I'm lazy
That is one freaky ass Santa! It wouldn't last 5 minutes at my place before I'd be bustin' it apart.
I'm sorry... Child's Play really warped me :)
Chestnuts roasted by Alphacentaurian @ 11/12/2003 10:13 PM EST
