While looking through the Photog entries, I realized that there's just no good way to get 'em all on the blog, so I'm putting together an archive page with all of the entries in an easy-to-navigate layout. It'll take a little less than a week to finish, but Photog fans should enjoy the results. For those who can't go another minute without more Bitneraction, here's another entry:
Yes, 'Goo.' At 99 cents per tube with a mail-in rebate for the full amount, it was essentially free. I say 'essentially' because even the 300 dollar mail-in rebate on the last computer I bought has still remained unsent. This is strange candy even by strange candy standards, and I'm happy to report that they're the most disgusting edibles I've seen this year.
Made by 'Too Tarts,' the tubes contain a slimy, colored liquid that's absolutely engulfed in citric acid - though they come in an assortment of flavors, they all basically taste like lemon juice mixed with Elmer's Glue. It's kind of like drinking the syrup that gives Slush Puppies distinct flavors, which sounds a whole lot better than it is, believe me. The 'Wata Melon' flavor is particularly offensive, combining the scourge of tequila shots with the pucker of bird urine. I don't expect these to last long, so curious parties should hop on the train before somebody blows it up.
Oh shit, now I'm sitting here eating it. I guess candy is candy no matter how vile.
REPLIES: 48 comments
first post. great article... and a trifector of stuff in the blog!
Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 06/12/2003 04:40 PM EST
That's TWO photog entries with undersea life in them. We're such strange people.
Are there going to be anymore runner-up photog entries?
(can't wait to see them all, either way)
Chestnuts roasted by ohgodtheRats @ 06/12/2003 04:41 PM EST
I generally check out XE during my lunch hour, today being no exception...
Well, I was happily reading about mighty Morphman and had just started sucking down a mouthful of soup as I read the line about you using your tongue on Morphman's crotch...
I can't say as I ever want soup to come out of my nose again, but thanks for making me (and those around me) laugh! Although I think my cube neighbors were laughing about the soup/nose/choking/coughing thing, but what can you do?
Chestnuts roasted by Raechel @ 06/12/2003 04:48 PM EST
Does anyone remember the original Strech Armstrong's nemisis? He didn't have any vacu powers. He was green and scaley and his head looked like the one suckerman has.
Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 06/12/2003 05:17 PM EST
Still Photoging it:
I just wanted to say thank you Allen Roberts for inspiring my MOTU Mattel commercial.
On Morphman:
I could never keep these things around. In a handful of days I would have inevitable cut Stretch open and played with his viscera. Stretching toys are some of the most satisfying to break.
Chestnuts roasted by OhgodtheRats @ 06/12/2003 05:25 PM EST
Gozer,
I remember.The toy you're thinking of is Stretch Monster.There was also Stretch X-Ray, an alien who's innards were clearly visible and Stretch Ollie and Olivia the two Octopuses ( Octopi ) I had them all.Somewhere around here is a picture of a five year old me playing with my newly aquired Stretch X-Ray one Christmas morning.
Chestnuts roasted by Tbear @ 06/12/2003 05:26 PM EST
I remember when i was but a wee lad playing with my Stretch Armstrong and Vac-Man on Christmas Morn. Stretch lasted a whole 3 hours before i tied him in a knot and ripped off his head. I had to see how he was able to stretch. Green goo. yes that stuff was sticky. Oh yeah, i remember seing that commercial when i was around 3 or 4... one of my earliest memories (born in 87) But yeah, Vac Man lasted me up untill i reached the age of 14 (2 years ago) you know that age... you just want to see what the inside of everything looks like now that you have a sword...
so yeah. still have the pump though. my posts ramble on, are boring and have no point, and for this i am sorry.
Chestnuts roasted by Bakudai @ 06/12/2003 05:40 PM EST
Oh, how I miss my Vac-Man. It was one of my favorite toys and the only one that my great grandma liked. The ability to stretch and be pulled into strange positions and also bring the generations together, what else can do that? Does anyone remember the Vac-Pack? Vac-man's smaller henchmen were also great, but mine was green and had one leg. *sigh* Nothing will ever compare to Vac-Man, and I rue the day when I managed to poke him with something and his weird insides started to come out. RIP buddy.
Chestnuts roasted by phillip @ 06/12/2003 06:09 PM EST
Beleive it or not, the insides of Stretch Armstrong are quite tasty. I think it like cornstarch or something. I always wanted but never got a Vac-Man. I do remember Stretch's dog, Fetch Armstrong. I hated him. I'll try and find one of those Morphmen, just to be more like X-E.
Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 06/12/2003 06:23 PM EST
Hey Matt,
Thanks for the article. I work in a store (which will remain nameless *coughtargetcough*) that carries these things and I never really understood what they did...until now. Some of my friends had stretch armstrong, but I never did and I'd never even heard of vac-man before. Apparently he's a pretty happenin' cat according to the posts so far. Oh well, can't win 'em all I guess.
Chestnuts roasted by NutfuZ @ 06/12/2003 06:36 PM EST
These things rocked for whipping at people. Especially siblings.
Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 06/12/2003 06:38 PM EST
Was Stretch Armstrong really all that fun? I saw the commercials all the time as a kid, and I never really felt the urge to ask/beg/plead for one. Of course, I never really asked/begged/pleaded for Thundercats toys, either, and I wanted those more than just about anything. Meh.
Chestnuts roasted by ChaosMonkey @ 06/12/2003 06:48 PM EST
God damn that is one ugly toy.
Oh and The Hulk just made me piss by self.
What a weird goal of an advertisement.....
Chestnuts roasted by Child Like Mentality @ 06/12/2003 07:44 PM EST
I had Stretch and his nemesis as a child. Alas, neither survived the surgery. To this day, my mother reminds me of my first(failed)attempts at the art I would ply on Michael Jackson. I still blame the anesthesiologist.
Chestnuts roasted by Bigshow71 @ 06/12/2003 07:46 PM EST
When I was a kid I had a Hulk stretcher dol...err, action figure. At one point I guess I played a little too enthusiastically with him, and ripped his rubbery shoulder. This clear viscous goo oozed out, and me, being 6 at the time, did what any self-respecting kid did...I tasted it.
It was delicious! Turns out all those stretch toys were filled with sweet, sweet corn syrup. Fortunately my dad found the broken toy and pitched it in the trash soon after, or I would have the sad distinction of eating the entire contents of a Hulk stretcher.
Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy Henderson @ 06/12/2003 08:00 PM EST
I still have my Vac-Man. I lost his pumper, though. Anybody still got one? Wanna send it to me?
Stretch himself broke a few years ago...his leg ripped off. I never tasted his innards, either. His dog fell apart recently, too, and I again never got a taste of the innards. And Vac-Man's innards aren't tasty.
Well, Matt, you've convinced me. This guy must join the ranks of Metlar and Scorpinok and Soundwave of Toys That I Really Really Want But Know Will Never Get.
Chestnuts roasted by Onslaught Six @ 06/12/2003 08:38 PM EST
This article reminded ME of a script review of Plastic Man from the Wachowski brothers I read the other day:
http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/422/422558p1.html?fromint=1&submit.x=50&submit.y=7
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 06/12/2003 09:00 PM EST
yeah right! a little less than a week!
so bitner...
Chestnuts roasted by gkgcgkh @ 06/12/2003 09:57 PM EST
Oh almost forgot... the Stretch Car. I hated that sound Ehhehhhxxhxhhehhxhh CLICK.
oh. i also remeber that the goo was clear, it was another thing that i got my green goo from... creepy Crawler?
Chestnuts roasted by Bakudai @ 06/13/2003 12:02 AM EST
TERRIBLE NEWS!!!!! My company apparently just put up a new internet filter, presumably to keep us from looking at naughty pictures on company time... and X-Entertainment is now officially inaccessible from my office computer!!! What the hell am I supposed to do over my lunch break?! Do these people expect me to do actual work now?! And why, in the name of all that's good and holy, did the stupid filter list its reasons for blocking the site as "games, nudity"... when X-E contains neither?! Sweet Lord, this is giving me a conniption. Somebody, please hold me and tell me it'll be all right...
Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 06/13/2003 01:41 AM EST
Even Adult Swim is after the Star Wars Kid.
Real Player:
http://thehub.getduffed.com/fclick/fclick.php?fid=swk_best_parody
Where it came from:
http://www.adultswim.com/webcam/gal_mov/sg_kid/index.html
Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 06/13/2003 04:20 AM EST
I was fortunate enough to find a Morphman that was out of the package (attempted theft?) in my local Wal-Mart in the toy clearance section. Lemme tell ya. That thing wails like a banshee!! I've never heard a toy that let loose so many agonizing screams with just one press of a button. Sometimes he seems to mix it up with some pleasurable groans, but it's mostly just tortured shrieking. I love toys that feign brutal agony.
Also, I had the yellow Vac-Pac figure, but that entire line was so shoddy in comparison to the original Vac-Man.
Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 06/13/2003 10:22 AM EST
i hate that stupid star wars kid. i wish he would go away, bitner style.
Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 06/13/2003 10:25 AM EST
As for the 'net filter, well, the site is called "x-entertainment"..I had roomates two yearsago that went through my internet history and tried ot harangue me for looking at porn. Lucky for me, the article archived was none other than the classic "Leprechaun 4: In Space", though it did contain a titty shot, so I got nailed there. Your filter is probably just set to exclude "x" as in "x-rated".
Matt, would you ever do a review of this horrible cartoon i watched as a kid called "Wildfire"? It was about some horse and a princess and it had the saddest theme song in the universe which haunts me to this day. It was some kind of post-apocalyptic world where people were running around trying to do stuff. Please, help me.
Or review the zombie classic, "Return of The Living Dead". Us zombie fans are ill represented.
Chestnuts roasted by mojocat @ 06/13/2003 10:26 AM EST
Ah, Stretch. How well I knew you. I still own my Vac-Man, pump and all, and recently featured it in a short film with my short film making buddies. Vac-Man was one big badass.
If I remember correctly, Stretch Armstrong also had a dog and a neat wardrobe. There was even a ninja Stretch Armstrong.
Mmmmm, Ninja.
Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 06/13/2003 11:03 AM EST
i now have the urge to dig out all armstong related stuff i own. suba armstong, fetch armstong,the strech limo (more of a convertible, but i didn't name it), vac-man, big armstrong and big fetch. I think big fetch and little fetch broke. that makes me sad, he's my favorite. off to forage for strechy toys, woo.
Chestnuts roasted by kennef @ 06/13/2003 11:31 AM EST
That sour too tart slime has been out for years, you fiend. I believe it has been four years since i first tasted it. "Goo" was sold in smaller bottles and sold primarily in blockbuster and party city. I hated it too.
Chestnuts roasted by Bowser @ 06/13/2003 01:03 PM EST
I have tasted goo, and I will cry in agony ever since. but that's not important, what is important is that in the great injustice that was my childhood, I never had strech armstrong, or vac man, or any others. I'm beggining to feel disenfranchised w/ this site, I had a few he-man figures, and a couple gi-joe's, but I had millions of lego's. my lego transfromers would kick the ass of King Hiss (one of my few he-man toys) then create a city for my micromachines. MATT please review the origina Micromachine comercials, that guy kicked ass.
Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 06/13/2003 01:55 PM EST
Good evening. I am also a zombie fan. Well, zombie movies. Not the real kind. I like the ooey-gooey contents of my head to stay in my head. But as movies, the Romero/zombie kind are by far my favourite in the horror section.
Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 06/13/2003 02:43 PM EST
Vac-Man effin owned Stretch Armstron.
I too popped a Stretch and discovered the incredibly sticky innards, but I never thought to taste it. I missed out, apparently. Maybe if they rereleased the Stretch family now they'd fill them with surplus "Goo"
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/13/2003 03:49 PM EST
Molten: Romero is where it's at.
Not that guy who made Doom. I mean George A. Let's harass Matt for more zombology on X-E.
Send...more...paramedics...
Chestnuts roasted by mojocat @ 06/13/2003 05:58 PM EST
To the horror fans, is Jeffrey Combs the poor man's Bruce Campbell or is the other way around? Either way I want them to play brothers in a movie. My other geek dream is for Ash to meet up with Jack Burton for and Evil Dead/Big Trouble in Little China crossover.
Other actors I would like to see play brothers:
Judge Reinhold and Jeff Goldblum, with Alan "Captain Invincible" Arkin playing their father, as they just sit around a kitchen table talking for the entire film.
Crispen Glover, Adrian Brody, and Vincent Gallo just for the weird factor alone.
Chestnuts roasted by Richard @ 06/13/2003 09:01 PM EST
Ok, first off, the hulk ad that just assaulted my browser is totally unneccesary. Now, the reason I was posting to begin with. I had a Vac-man as a kid. I loved that thing! He was so cool, then he got a hole on his armpit. That wasn't cool. My dad had to keep patching that hole with pieces from a red balloon until he decided Vac-man was just too far gone and threw him away. I cried that day, it was a sad day for Vac-men everywhere.
Chestnuts roasted by Black Zarak @ 06/14/2003 11:23 PM EST
I had (Probably still have) one of the Vac-Pac. I seem to remember that the story was that they were good aliens who came from the same planet Vac-Man did.
Speaking of stretchy toys, anybody out there ever hear of Tacky Stretchoid Warriors (http://www.virtualtoychest.com/tackysam/tackysam.html)? Not only were they stretchy, but they were also sticky, which means you could huck them at walls and they'd stay there. If you were really lucky the sticky material would leave a warrior shaped stain on your parents' nice walls. Also, for reasons I don't quite grasp, they came with incredibly intricate accesories. Since the hands were made of rubber, and couldn't hold things on their own, they came with some prosthetic plastic hands you would put over their real ones. When you lost those the only way a warrior could hold his many, many weapons ws by tying his whole arm in a clumsy knot around the handle. Oh, the indignity!
Chestnuts roasted by The Waffle Man @ 06/15/2003 03:01 AM EST
hey remember the Vac Factory? you could make a bunch of mini vac men in different colors... i wanted those sooo bad its not even funny.
Chestnuts roasted by Henry @ 06/28/2003 03:18 AM EST
wow, i feel so comfortable talking,reading these comments.I used to have a whole bunch of vac pack toys.I remember almost every birth day I had when i was little, it was so obvious what i wanted:VAC PACK.I remember how happy I was when I pulled that huge red alien out its box.I had all these different colors,i had the red one, a yellow one with a red face, 2 green ones, but one had 1 leg.Though its weird because i never heard of a vac man at the time.
Chestnuts roasted by STEVEN COTO @ 01/28/2004 07:32 PM EST
wow, i feel so comfortable talking,reading these comments.I used to have a whole bunch of vac pack toys.I remember almost every birth day I had when i was little, it was so obvious what i wanted:VAC PACK.I remember how happy I was when I pulled that huge red alien out its box.I had all these different colors,i had the red one, a yellow one with a red face, 2 green ones, but one had 1 leg.Though its weird because i never heard of a vac man at the time.
Chestnuts roasted by STEVEN COTO @ 01/28/2004 07:32 PM EST
wow, i feel so comfortable talking,reading these comments.I used to have a whole bunch of vac pack toys.I remember almost every birth day I had when i was little, it was so obvious what i wanted:VAC PACK.I remember how happy I was when I pulled that huge red alien out its box.I had all these different colors,i had the red one, a yellow one with a red face, 2 green ones, but one had 1 leg.Though its weird because i never heard of a vac man at the time.
Chestnuts roasted by STEVEN COTO @ 01/28/2004 07:32 PM EST
I also had stretch armstrong.I remember going to toys r us buying a mini stretch and the stretch battle pak.not together though.i could still remember me and my brother pulling the huge stretch armstrong out of the closet with a tear in its arm.all the green candy like syrup.but that toy was soon gone. i was truly sad when my mini stretch armstrong broke.i still know, or remember the smell of its goop.years later i got an evil x-ray, wretch armstrong, it lasted a year or 2, but igot over with once it broke.by the way im 12
Chestnuts roasted by steven coto @ 01/28/2004 07:43 PM EST
I have a vac-man but my pump broke
and i dont know were to get another one if anyone knows please email me at Wsviperkid@aol.com
Chestnuts roasted by Alex nifong @ 05/22/2004 08:12 PM EST
hey i want a fetch armstrong dog toy thing and i will pay $$ for 1 i had one but bit off its leg when i was younger and now i want one again so i you have one can you and dont want it i will buy it off you if you want to contact me send me an email at klaus_89@hotmail.com thanks ummm well c ya
Chestnuts roasted by Nick @ 06/22/2004 08:44 AM EST
check ebay.com
Chestnuts roasted by steven @ 06/27/2004 02:49 AM EST
Rubber latex, available at craft stores, hobby shops, or from Flinn Scientific, Inc., can be used to make a rubber ball.
Dilute 20 mL of latex with 20 mL water, stir and add 20 mL of vinegar. Wash the rubber mass under water in a
small bucket, squeezing and turning it to shape it into a ball.
A novel application of rubber is in Stretch Armstrong™ marketed by Cap Toys (originally manufactued by Kenner
Toys) (See Figure 12) and Drastic Elastic™ from Just Toys, Inc. These consist of action figures approximately 15
inches high that can be stretched up to four or five feet in length. According to a representative from Cap Toys, the
skin of the Stretch Armstrong™ figure is composed of rubber latex. The body is filled with a material made from a
boiled corn syrup with some moisture removed so that it forms a gel with
some flow characteristics and with some memory properties. Thus, when
stretched and released, the figure returns to its original shape by elastomeric
recovery of the rubber skin.
Other variations of Stretch Armstrong™ are Vac-Man™, marketed by Cap
Toys, and Electronic Stretch Screamers!™ marketed by Manley Toy Quest.
Vac-Man™ is a stretchable figure with a tgough rubber body filled with
ground up corn cobs. Vac-Man™ comes with a hand operated vacuum pump
and has a valve in one ear where the pump connects. While stretching Vac-
Man™, one can pump the air out of the inside of its body effectively
“freezing” it in its stretched position. A release valve allows air to reenter
Vac-Man’s™ body. An Electronic Stretch Screamers!™ is similar to Stretch
Armstrong™ and Vac-Man™, but only the upper torso of the body stretches.
That section is of the body is filled with solid particle-type filler and an
electronic “voice box”. When stretched, a Electronic Stretch Screamers!™
will scream or speak a message.
Chestnuts roasted by SUPER STEVE @ 07/19/2004 12:00 PM EST
Hey super steve. Have you tried this recipe. By the way nice name
Chestnuts roasted by Steven Coto @ 09/02/2004 04:20 AM EST
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Chestnuts roasted by asset based financing @ 11/04/2004 05:27 AM EST
I know I said there'd probably be a movie review up for today, but I couldn't resist the charms of this rubber creature I found last night, called 
