06/19/2003 Entry: "MusicBot Musings..."

Hi, this is me, procrastinating against the next article because it's a movie review that'll take fifteen years to finish. Really don't know why I do 'em the way I do 'em sometimes -- I'd have to bet that not even half the readers are willing to read through an entire movie review in my format, which is understandable, but I always picture lonely people with boxes of Wheat Thins sitting at their comps in the middle of the night looking for something endless and easy to kill their time. Especially with the horror reviews, as this next one is, that's basically who I'm writing for. It's a little frustrating when I realize that the shortest, most easily written articles on the site were the most popular. Example: I hated the Breakfast From Hell article when I put it up, almost to the point of taking it down and just sidelinking it elsewhere. And that one turned out to be, if not the most popular column, certainly the most read. Part of me wonders why I don't stick to that kinda stuff, quick and easy, but the reality is that this site has always been an amalgam of what I've personally liked -- once I start catering, it's no longer from my piteous, blackened, blackened chicken heart.

This is me, still procrastinating. Let me tell you about 'MusicBot.' I found him many months ago at -- no wait, it was from eBay I think. Can't really remember, but he came in a big box of stuff and cost next to nothing. Looking much like something Tomy would put out, I hopped on the chance to pick him up. MusicBot is around 5" tall, though much bulkier than the height would suggest, and is about as classic as a robot can get. This is the ultimate stereotypical robot -- ask any six-year-old who hasn't seen R2-D2 to draw you a robot, and this is what they'll hand you. When Musicy arrived, I noticed that he was battery operated. For all of these months, I've wondered what he'd do with a working pair of double-As. I don't know if too much caffeine or general ennui was to blame, but I finally brought myself to buy him some new power cylinders.

Now, MusicBot has wheels that originally let him roll around the floor with reckless abandon, but they no longer work. Instead, all I received was the sound of gears that get very loud when they have no wheels to turn. VERY loud -- envision an electric saw cutting through a television set, and then mark it up by putting the whole image next to the world's biggest amplifier. It's that loud, but that's not all MusicBot was capable of.

OH WHEN THE SAINTS BEEP WHEN THE SAINTS BEEP BEEP SAINTS BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Yes, with beeps in place of words, MusicBot wails off the loudest rendition of Oh When The Saints Go Marching In you'll ever hear. It's absolutely unreal -- probably the loudest toy I've ever molested. As an added bonus, the process is iced with electronic glowing eyes that blink in tune with the song, so all in all, this was a pretty freakin impressive little robot. Made by Playtime, it's one of three different from a series. His pals had other gimmicks, and knew nothing about music. In playing with this, I've realized that robots are a lost art in today's world of kiddy toys. Sure, there's plenty of bots for sale, but they're either 500 dollar Lego sets or 10 dollar cheap pieces of crap that vaguely fire plastic missiles. I'd love to see something like MusicBot hit the market again -- affordable, fun, able to drown out the howls of neighbor dogs.

I think I'm finished procrastinating. The article should be up today. As for which movie I'm reviewing: it's got something to do with Clive Barker, but nothing to do with the Hellraiser films. Does that help?

Chestnuts roasted by Loo @ 06/19/2003 01:21 PM EST

Damn straight mad props to Matt. On a personal side note, I'm learning Sean Paul's "Get Busy" to sing at karaoke Friday night...and yes I am white.

Chestnuts roasted by Kiften @ 06/19/2003 01:49 PM EST

Matt, don't sweat it if the longest articles you write, the ones you really put your (arguably slightly unorthodox) heart and soul into, are not in fact the most popular and widely appreciated ones. Especially on the Net, most people tend to skip the lengthy bits and find the quick & simple funnies. As long you enjoy writing things that may not cater to the majority, I really wouldn't stop doing so. And for what it's worth, I still think your review of "The Worst Witch" is just about the funniest and most entertaining thing I've ever read (at least online) and that's REALLY long.

Incidentally, I find the idea of a small robot having a seizure while blaring the tune of "When The Saints Go Marchin' In" extremely amusing. Maybe you should get a cheap vidcam and capture these things in action sometime?

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 06/19/2003 02:03 PM EST

Dammit! When I heard Matt was doing a movie review, I was praying it would be "Mac and Me", a film VERY deserving of the X-E treatment, especially for the McDonald's B-day party dance number. Believe me, if you haven't seen that scene, you need to! You won't be able to pick your jaw up off the floor.

C'mon Matt. MAC AND ME!!! Who's with me?

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 06/19/2003 02:34 PM EST

I'm just about sick of this kind of talk. Wise up, wisenheimer! Every article you post rules. I'm not going to try and be more superlative about it, because there's no need to be. Every article (and I'm considering the longer blog entries as well) is perfectly written and just the right length. Except the movie reviews, because I'm always sorry to see them end.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/19/2003 02:44 PM EST

This has noting to do what with you wrote, but Matt have you ever reviewed those Pokemon lollypops that came with a sticker?

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 06/19/2003 03:00 PM EST

Thanks guys =D

Pika: no, but I've reviewed Pokemon Gum.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/19/2003 03:02 PM EST

Hey, Matt, I came over with the 10 worst Transformers. I love, love, LOVE the movie reviews. Take out the Wheat Thins and replace them with Mike and Ikes, and place me at work, and you have my faverite hobby. Matt, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for providing us with so much laughter, heart, and a small but wonderful picture of our pasts. Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 06/19/2003 03:04 PM EST

Matt, you can make your articles short; you can make them long; you can make them round-a like-a base-a-ball; you can make 'em flat-a like-a pan-a-cake. Just keep making 'em. :D I read them over lunch after the gym, and they're an excellent motivator: "Just another half-hour and I can get some lunch and peruse X-E." I love the movie reviews, and the stuff-you-may-or-may-not-be-able-to-put-in-your-mouth-and-live articles.

Robots are the wooden block sets of their generation. Old twenty-five year-old fogie that I am, I actually tried to find a wooden block set for my new cousin and they only had the square blocks: no wooden columns, no wooden arches, no funky wooden shapes. Nuthin.' My bones felt so old and creaky all at once.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 06/19/2003 03:39 PM EST

Came over from Retrocrush a few months ago and have attempted to read everything in the archives since. Absolutely perfect subject matter for someone pushing 30 :( . I can't count how many times you've done an article and the damn commercial music comes crashing into my head, causing my wife migraines as I sing it over and over again when I get home from work. Great topics, great writing style, great site!

Chestnuts roasted by dadadandy @ 06/19/2003 04:09 PM EST

Let's not shortchange ourselves, fellow Bloggers. I can't tell you how many times a day I check x-e, not just for Matt's fabulous articles (which they are, natch!), but for SOMETHING to fill up my workday. The workdays are always a little shorter on days that we write in and babble on inane (but interesting!) topics. Thanks to all!

Chestnuts roasted by purplegirl247 @ 06/19/2003 04:42 PM EST

I'm doing a little belated spring cleaning on my own crummy site, and I realized that I have no link image for X-E. Obviously, a text link is not enough. There used to be a pair of buttons on the front page available, but they've taken off for greener pastures. Can anybody tell me where to find a happy linking button so the non-existant people reading my site can learn about X-E? Should I just steal a picture of the Hulk Hands?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/19/2003 04:43 PM EST

I really love this site and all but, Why is it that the videos on this site keep getting more and more lower quality? I know they are taken off VHS tapes and that cant be helped, but now they have choppy framerates with sounds thats way too amplified. They are to a point that now they are simply unwatchable. This site seems to get alot out of advertising. I think a new video capture card purchase is in order.

Chestnuts roasted by Danny @ 06/19/2003 04:47 PM EST

Just read Matt's latest article on UGO, Top Ten Transformations. Reading about Steve Urkel v. Stephan Urquelle brought a smile to my face. Did anyone else have a crush on his alter ego? He cleaned up real nice. Anyone? anyone? Just me, huh? OK, at the very least it gave Jaleel White a chance to break out of his high-pitched squeaky character and explore other acting opportunities (so to speak)...and yes, I know his name -- leave me alone, I already said I had a crush!

Chestnuts roasted by purplegirl247 @ 06/19/2003 04:53 PM EST

squee4242, there's an X-E button on http://www.retrocrush.com/ anyway. Additionally there were two others I believe, but I'm not sure if those buttons are still in use by anyone else.

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 06/19/2003 05:50 PM EST

Wait.
Matt actually WRITES for UGO as well? I thought they just hosted the good boy.

Thank you for increasing my online entertainment with this information.

Joy.

Chestnuts roasted by OhgodtheRats @ 06/19/2003 06:07 PM EST

Oops. Almost forgot.

Baby eating.

Chestnuts roasted by OhgodtheRats @ 06/19/2003 06:07 PM EST

Thats is some freaky looking bot man. I stick with my Transformers.

Chestnuts roasted by mustardman @ 06/19/2003 06:41 PM EST

You know, Rawhead Rex was my favorite movie as a very young child who should not have been allowed to watch it, EVER. My sisters and I used to scare the bejezus out of each other by creeping around outside each other's windows, banging on them and screaming "RAWHEAD!!!" and running the hell away. In fact, we still do that periodically when we've been drinking. Alot. I even own the movie, although I will say it was a present and not a purchase. Um. I swear.
It's nice to know other people have seen it, and that it really isn't just a figment of our collective family imagination.

Oh yeah, and I LOVE the site. I'm a site groupie, I have screencaps up on my wall! Squeal!

Chestnuts roasted by crackwhorlioni @ 06/19/2003 07:29 PM EST

CAN YOU PLEASE REVIEW "THE GATE" PREPRETTYTTY PRETTYPRPRETTPRETTYYETTYPRETTY PLEASE!

Chestnuts roasted by Thefatguy @ 06/19/2003 08:00 PM EST

Well, I was upset to hear your procrastinating about the movie review. I have been going to your site almost daily for over a year and am giddy like a school-boy to see what new item you have or movie you've reviewed that makes me make the unfortunate mistake of wasting my money on these horrible ideas someone out there calls movies. Just keep it up, you are your own worst critic-as they say.

Chestnuts roasted by McBitch @ 06/19/2003 08:13 PM EST

I just realized that that robot looks like he's flipping us off in the last picture. Or maybe like he's doing that Pope gesture. You know? That gesture? That the Pope does? Rue McClanahan (a.k.a. Blanche Deveraux) mocks it in Nunsense?

Yeah, I know: I'm twelve. I should return this twenty-five year-old's body now.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 06/19/2003 10:26 PM EST

"lonely people with boxes of Wheat Thins sitting at their comps in the middle of the night looking for something endless and easy to kill their time"

and then we buy the movie off he internet and watch it!

Matt is subconciously using the robot to flip us off because he doesn't know how to respond to our non-sexual love?

You should show pictures of the robots other parts! Like it's insides! Damn I'm bored!

Chestnuts roasted by kctctgck @ 06/19/2003 10:44 PM EST

i read all the articles/reviews no matter how long they might get...but i munch on triscuit not wheat thins :P

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/20/2003 04:30 AM EST

i read all the articles/reviews no matter how long they might get...but i munch on triscuit not wheat thins :P

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/20/2003 04:30 AM EST

Isn't that the robot that's on the 'archives' button ¿
Has it always been there, and I only just noticed ¿
Am I going slowly crazy or does the 'take me home' kid look like he's talking to anyone else ¿
Should I quit using these damn upside down question marks ¿?

Chestnuts roasted by [ Matt-The-Gr7 ] @ 06/20/2003 05:38 AM EST

And personally I'm a 'raisin wheats' kinda guy. mmmmm raisiny goodness, and wheat.

Chestnuts roasted by [ Matt-The-Gr7 ] @ 06/20/2003 05:39 AM EST

When you said that some people sit there with boxes of Wheat Thins, just finding anything to pass the time with... you described ME last night... :S

Chestnuts roasted by Halibut @ 06/20/2003 06:40 AM EST

I remember seeing MusicBot on the shelves in Toys R Us as a kid, it always looked like a crappy Tomy robot rip off. If you wanted a talking robot, Chatbot or Omnibot were the way to go!

Chestnuts roasted by PhotoBoy @ 06/20/2003 07:18 AM EST

*laughing at the "Robot flipping us off line"*

Chestnuts roasted by Kiften @ 06/20/2003 08:41 AM EST

Keep it comming with skelator's adventures.

Chestnuts roasted by debbie delish @ 06/20/2003 10:07 AM EST

I can't even remember what article brought me to this site. All I know is that it was well over two years ago. Does anyone else remember when Robert "Retrocrush" Berry wrote X-E articles? Matt, I don't care how long the articles are, I read 'em all...but Skeletor at Pee Wee's Playhouse remains my all-time favorite.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 06/20/2003 12:35 PM EST

I love you matt-el you are the light of my internet! If I remember correctly, the first article I read was the green lantern w/a martini....long time ago. I think it was written by the guy from retrocrush. Most vividly I remember a flash movie about the creaters of x-e. w/ Matt, Three other people, one being female, featuring her boobs. I don't remember any other names, but it was funny as hell at the time! Bring it back matt!

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 06/20/2003 01:21 PM EST

Matt, great articles, great site. Keep doing it your way!

I can't remember the exact article, but your use of "Vorhees" as a verb was absolutely classic.

If you're looking for additional forgotten movies from the 80's, might I suggest "The Brother from Another Planet".. I don't remember much about the film (except I thought it was pretty strange as a kid), so I'd appreciate reading your review.

Peace, JD

Chestnuts roasted by JD @ 06/20/2003 02:39 PM EST

I've never written you or posted here before in my life, Matt, but I've been reading you since the Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut.
I remember when you called yourself MacBeth and finished each article with a quote from Mr. T and the cast of Golden Girls.
I've read every article on your site at least twice.
I am the proverbial guy who sits at his computer in the middle of the night with the box of wheat thins, looking for something to kill some time in-between endless editing and countless revisions.
X-E has devoured hundreds of hours, and I do not begrudge a single one.
And I dig the living crap outof your reviews.

Thank you, Matt.
If I had a million dollars, I'd give you twenty-five grand, just to make sure you continued to have things to write about.

Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by fifteenbones @ 06/20/2003 03:44 PM EST

Hey, Matt. As a native of New Jersey, as you seem to be, let me remark on what is indeed a fine site. I am at work right now doing absolutely nothing relating to the actual work. Instead, I'm f'ing off reading your articles and laughing my ass off. I haven't lived in Jersey for several years, but those pics of Easy Video took me right back home. And one more thing, I've read almost all of your longer articles-- I think more people dig them then you might know. Keep it up, and South Plainfield represent!

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 06/20/2003 06:33 PM EST

I came here when somebody linked me because you reviewed Scorponok and had pics (which I needed at the time.), and decided to stay. Mainly because I like most of this stuff on here. Even though I'm probably the youngest reader at 14.

Chestnuts roasted by Onslaught Six @ 06/21/2003 01:03 AM EST

Matt, you gotta check out the movie "Trick or Treat" has Skippy from Family ties as a metalhead, Gene Simmons from KISS as a dj, Ozzy as a priest. Also has a killer that comes out of a record if ya play it backwards.

Chestnuts roasted by Falstorm @ 06/21/2003 02:43 AM EST

Matt amazing stuff thus far. I've been reading every article since the Battle of the Castles article with Cat's Lair. The Thundercats stuff sucked me in being that I have a warped sense of reality and am probably one of the only people in the world that blames Jaga for the destruction of Thundara, stupid old bastard throws the sword of Plun-Darr into the center of the planet and expects it not to blow up what was he thinking?!?! ... sorry I got a little off track, now where was I? Ah yes, I came for the Thundercats but what really kept me coming back for more was the Saved by the Bell reviews. Those I'd like to see more of and with the DVDs coming out soon I'm sure you have more fuel to add to the fire. As far as movie reviews go you should check out the wonderful world of Disney from the late 80s there’s some scary crap in there. If you've never seen or heard of Fuzzbucket I strongly suggest you check it out (I have a copy) whoever wrote this had a really bad meth hallucination and Mike Eisener must've been hard up for some cash cuz this is by far the sloppiest abortion of the Disney family. Your review of Battle for Endor had me dying because I sadly own my own taped copy off ABC primetime and when I feel the need to punish myself with poor cinema I grab that or the infamous Fuzzbucket. I think I'm going to watch it right now, just so I can have a nightmare about midgets in imaginary creature suits. Matt keep it up, this site is amazing. Sorry for Taking a page out of Matt's book and writing so much but I feel that Fuzzbucket is the epitome of what an X-E movie review is about. Now I shall make like a fetus and head out.

Chestnuts roasted by SubliminalCriminal @ 06/21/2003 02:55 AM EST

You really should do more of those action figure adventure things, like the one with the Pepsi Blue. Those are great. I tried to do one a while back, but it's not quite as good.

http://www.angelfire.com/blues/animalcrossing/idol.html

Chestnuts roasted by RyanMan @ 06/21/2003 02:18 PM EST

I came threw the Cartoon Allstars to the Rescue. After nearly peeing my pants on several occasions, I went and read all the articles on the front page at the time. The next day, I began my search threw the archives. X-E has become a place I can go to when times are rough, and then laugh my ass off.

Thank you, Matt. Wherever you are.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 06/21/2003 02:43 PM EST

Hot damn, I do certainly remember owning MusicBot back in the day. The little robot would spin all over the place and do the Saints Go Marching In song over and over. Unfortunately, the stupid thing malfunctioned and I had to return it.

Chestnuts roasted by Jimbolian @ 06/21/2003 04:33 PM EST

Don't give up on the site Matt.

I've been reading since the Hulk Hogan Workout set last year and have been hooked since.

My favorite articles are the movie reviews. I never, NEVER knew such bad movies could be made.

Speaking of bad movies, when are you going to review "Invasion of the Neptune Men"? I'm telling you. IT's PERFECT! It was shown on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and was so bad that Mike & The Bots left the theater during the ending. You HAVE to review it. It's so bad its funny.

Don't give up on the site. Run it forever!

Chestnuts roasted by Steven @ 06/22/2003 10:35 AM EST

Yo, love the site but those crazy pop-ups are so fucking annoying. I have to remember to turn the sound down on my PC when i visit this site from work. The Hulk ones were bad enough, but these 28 Days ones are rediculous.

Chestnuts roasted by Dave @ 06/22/2003 12:24 PM EST

Hey Matt, why are you actually giving up on the site? Sorry if I should know already through X-E site news or something, but your site comes across as a run away success and the fact that you recently had an article in some newspaper suggests that something must be paying off. Anyway I hope that all goes well for the site.

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin T @ 06/22/2003 09:35 PM EST

I had a MusicBot. Fun stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 06/22/2003 11:55 PM EST

I'm a little late, and it is in fact late right now over here. But I wanted to join in to say that I too really love the movie reviews. Well, actually I love just about everything you've written. But the movie reviews are just that extra bit of good that gets me heading back for another try at falling asleap with a grin on my face.

Though I should note that it is in fact grapenuts that I'm usually snacking on for these latenight reads.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe99 @ 06/23/2003 04:33 AM EST

This item is probably a bit stale now, but I just wanted to chime in with the whole "your long articles are good too" thing. On slow days at work (I work at my college's library), there's nothing I love more than killing 3 or 4 hours with old X-E stuff. I think I've managed to read almost your entire back catalogue by now. But yeah, the long ones are just as good as the short, even if they don't get the same amount of attention; remember that this is the internet, and you're damned lucky to grab ahold of someone's eyes for more than 25 seconds at a time.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh @ 06/23/2003 03:38 PM EST

This goes out to Subliminal Criminal. Do you know where I could get a copy of Fuzzbucket? Or is yours for sale? I have been trying to explain to my son that this is the WORST movie in the world, but after I described it, he has this morbid curiosity to see the damn thing. I thought maybe I could find it for him for Christmas. Let me know. Thanks!! aggieeditor@yahoo.com

Chestnuts roasted by hmjpoet @ 12/11/2003 07:56 PM EST

Hi,

Does anyone know where I can get hold of a copy of Fuzzbucket?

Thanks

Dave

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