07/18/2003 Entry: "Garbage Pail Kids: Cheap Toys & Crummy Candy!"

When Topps struck gold with the Garbage Pail Kids, someone eventually realized that they were shooting themselves in the foot by limiting sales merely to trading card sticker sets. Eventually, the gruesome characters appeared in various other forms, ranging from Halloween costumes to schooltime pencil toppers. Today, we take a trip back to one of GPK's stranger serve-ups, the register-side, impulsively purchased "Cheap Toys & Crummy Candy" collection. Hey, at least they were honest about it. Strictly for the diehards, the novelties' basic charm was heightened by some clever packaging and the fact that this clever packaging masked the shitty candy from consumer sight.

In honor of GPK's impending resurgence, which actually looks way more inspired and true to its roots than I personally would've bet on, let's take a look back at their idea of a "candy" item. They're no Snickers bars, but then, Snickers didn't come with tiny, single-colored Garbage Pail Kids figurines. The universe of sweets remains balanced.

Check out that packaging -- you know I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff by now, and this one really takes the cake. Little, plastic "garbage bags" sealed with yellow twisty-ties hide the figures and candy, forcing kids to buy tons of the things if they wanted to collect the complete set of ten toys. On looks alone, these were irresistible to a GPK fan, and a great way to cap off those fifteen minute runs to the store to buy more disgusting trading cards. Besides, there weren't many official GPK figures, so this stuff really laid a siren song on us.

The candy itself was indeed crummy. Small, vaguely flavored discs, each bearing the Garbage Pail Kids logo. You got a sealed bag containing a bunch of appropriately unwanted colors -- even the oft-sought "cherry reds" looked more like chalky slices of antacid, and to be honest, Tums tastes a whole lot better than these. But whatever, no one who bought the bags was interested in candy anyway. If anything, it was only in there to prevent kids from getting too good of a grasp on which figure was in there by feeling around. It's a good thing these things didn't last -- with the way Garbage Pail Kids were regarded by our superiors, I'm sure someone would've called the candy blasphemous parodies of the Body of Christ. If there's one thing lemon-flavored chalk doesn't deserve, it's the distinction of having spit at religion. Save that coup for something we actually wanted to eat.

The figures themselves are vending machine fare all the way -- small chunks of plastic, molded to look like ten of the more popular characters. Yes, they made an "Adam Bomb" figure, a glory offset by the less desirable "Graffiti Petey" and "Brett Sweat" figures. Don't cry, though, "Messy Tessie" made an appearance, too. Actually, no, it was "Leaky Lindsay." Same deal. What the Hell am I talking about?

Anyway, the figure shown above is "Double Heather," a Siamese twin apparently covered in blood. Each bag also contained a checklist picturing each of the figures, which you can view here. Notice how several of them also appeared in the infamous Garbage Pail Kids Movie? There was also a second set of ten, mostly unavailable in the U.S., with more familiar movie characters like "Ali Gator." It's tough to imagine Ali Gator as being the character kids went nutso for, but the proof is in the pudding. The vomit and fly covered pudding, mixed by kids with three eyes and lizards growing out of their necks. Gotta love GPK.

Chestnuts roasted by Lynn @ 07/18/2003 05:54 AM EST

GPK Rule I had tons of those little figures..wonder whatr happened to them :P

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 07/18/2003 07:44 AM EST

I was so excited to see this article, I nearly lost my job. I read this site every day at work, for hours on end!

I remember the toys well. I had all of series one (still do, I think) and half of series two. The second series wasn't as popular as the first and was off the shelves before anyone was able to get a whole set.

GPK RULES!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan @ 07/18/2003 08:08 AM EST

I loved GPK when I was younger. In fact, I just read an article on the local news website that said they are bringing the series back in card form, picking up where they left off, which I think was Series 16 or something. There's a guy at a flea market closeby that has the complete box set of Series 14 for sale. I didn't even know the series lasted that long. I stopped collecting after Series 6. I still have them though, they were classic.

Chestnuts roasted by Hypnotix @ 07/18/2003 11:03 AM EST

Hmmm, quite a lot of the GPK hatred coming out here.

I also was not overly fond of them back in the day. I do remember the candy though, which were pretty much just Necco Wafers (which have been around since the neolithic age as far as i can tell).

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/18/2003 11:56 AM EST

Hey! Love the site. I check it every day!... Ah yes, the GPK. Disgusting little cards that somehow captured the hearts of hundreds of my fellow students in gradeschool, and hated by the adults. My school went as far as to ban the GPK from the premises and they became contraban. If you ever saw 5 kids popping up with heads jerking like ground squirrels, you knew what they had in hand... GPK.

Chestnuts roasted by Seifer @ 07/18/2003 12:09 PM EST

I was never wild about GPK, but I never loathed them like some of y'all seem to. I saw the movie, recognized it for the crap it was...but I never was into the cards much. Necco wafers are a perfect fit for the GPK since it's the most putrid candy ever created.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 07/18/2003 12:23 PM EST

I liked Garbage Pail Kids, mostly because Cabbage PAtch Kids needed the counterpart.

Plus, there are some genuinely clever and funny cards, that have a little more than just grossness to them.

Also good, but I'd imagine incredibly rare, was a book about Lettuce Head Dolls, which was a mock collector's book. It was very funny, and felt very subversive when I was 10.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 07/18/2003 12:34 PM EST

DevinEffect--I was wondering why you started your post the way you did! Of course, GPK is really enough to turn any sane person cross-eyed, even just the mention of GPK.

On the topic of gross confections, though, there is worse than Necco wafers (and I'm not even including "foreign treats" like Kinder Surprise chocolate and anything Japan produces). I'm talking about THRILLS! It's like a bad dream--a box of mauve chiclets (so you couldn't keep them in your hand long or you'd get beaten up) that has the all-so-desirable flavor of soap. I think they were originally produced to punish children for cursing. Although I suppose soap and GPK would be contradictory.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 07/18/2003 01:15 PM EST

I also liked the GPK when they came out but then again I was three and was similarly enchanted by bird crap on other people's cars. I have no idea what the clever cards were as I only had three, the pimply one, the electrocuted one, and the vodoo kid. That one was my favorite as it helped me out of a bind, to make a long story short if your three years old and in the care of religious people don't underestimate the power of a sacrileges card and a good Jerry Lewis impersonation.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/18/2003 01:19 PM EST

I actually began hating them midway into collecting the things -- they were considered "bad luck" in my school, and after that, all the gross shit on the cards seemed way too creepy. Still, if they're going to bring them back, I'd rather they be just as disgusting as ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2003 01:27 PM EST

What do you mean by "bad luck"? Did they....did they touch you?

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/18/2003 02:02 PM EST

I remember touching myself after looking at those cards.... If you consider "touching" trying to rip out my eyeballs. Crater Chris still makes my skin crawl. But there were still some good ones. Grim Jim ruled. Anything with a Grim Reaper back then ruled.

Chestnuts roasted by Brewthos @ 07/18/2003 02:53 PM EST

Couldn't you just open the twisty ties and peaked inside to see what figure it came with? Sure that would be wrong, buy you'd be a little kid and what are they gonna do? Throw you in jail?

Chestnuts roasted by Basic @ 07/18/2003 03:20 PM EST

They're sealed -- even without the twisties, you gotta rip 'em open.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/18/2003 03:29 PM EST

Oh, drat... foiled again!

Chestnuts roasted by Basic @ 07/18/2003 03:33 PM EST

when i was a lad, i loved GPK; but i should also add that i liked popsicles with dirt on them back then.

Chestnuts roasted by mypurposevague @ 07/18/2003 06:35 PM EST

I had ONE card. I seem to recall it being some sort of kid that was like all teeth living in a trash can. Or maybe I'm just deep in my mind mixing the name of the line with the card. I traded some kid on my block a Cory Sneider rookie card for it, for I guess the universe just kind of evens itself out.

Chestnuts roasted by Enchiladitos, they make you wanna eat-o! @ 07/18/2003 10:06 PM EST

All this talk about GPK reminds me of another trading card phenomenon from the 80's. I'm refering to Fright Flicks. Anybody remember these? They had scenes from popular horror movies on the front with amusing [in theory] captions underneath, and a description of the actual scene on the back. I never actually had any, [my parents wouldn't buy 'em for me :( ] but just about everone else at my school did, so that just made me seek them out even more. Much like GPK though, they were eventually banned from our school, and all interest in Fright Flicks cards died soon after. Anybody else remember these, or am I just baked on jalepeno poppers and Ny-Quill again?

Huh, an entire post and I didn't even mention "Mac and Me". Ah, fuck!

cruiz@scotsmanality.com

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 07/18/2003 11:40 PM EST

I was a Zero Hero fan, didn't get into GPK that much. Great site, Matt, I read it religiously. this is my first post, so be kind...lol.

Chestnuts roasted by idea assassin @ 07/19/2003 12:17 AM EST

I never really bought GPK, i only got a $1.50 every other week for allowance. So i had to choose, save up (they were $2 where i was looking) or buy pez for 1.29.

The choice was easy. Pez won every time.

Chestnuts roasted by Tin Bromide @ 07/19/2003 12:17 AM EST

Completely seperate thought. No time to read up- it's something nobody would have mentioned anyway.

Folks, I looked in the mirror today. And who should I see staring back but WARIO.

You see, I just got my hair cut today, so I was admiring myself in the mirror until I realized how closely I resembled Mario's bastardized yang-to-the-proverbial-yin brother.

Yes, I have transformed (physically- I'm still posting as G&W) into the fat-evil-twin-turned-Shigeru-Gates-king-of-greed himself. And I'm pretty fuckin' scared.

Or maybe this is just my thought process after beating Warioworld with ALL ITEMS.

If your wondering, here's a description:

Hairstyle like before Wario wore the Mario Brother setup- Tiny Wario (I think that was MaroSomethingorother: "Warioland" for the Game Boy Dot Matrix with Stereo Sound)

Demented, scary, evil but HAPPY face

Blue-edged wide eyes

Big Pointy Ears

Big Freakin' Nose

No big, jagged moustache- yet. I am feeling the urge to pull the stickers off of Page 30, though.

Enormous mouth (I haven't brushed my teeth in about a month to top off)

Cleft/Slight Double Chin combo

So far, I haven't felt an urge to wear yellow, purple, and an embroidered painters cap, though I have always worn the same hat, shirt, pants, and shoes every time I go out in public (and most of the time at home). At least I haven't started wearing gloves all the time.

Comments? I SWEAR I'm not making ANY of that up. In fact, I'll go check to confirm it.

Yep, apart from the fact that I have irises, I'm the original Dubya. (You know, the one people would rather have in the oval office.)

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/19/2003 01:32 AM EST

Kick ass site, Matt! First post here. Hey, GPKs were pretty great! Those images of Adam Bomb are still projecting vividly in my mind. Sadly, for me, they didn't hold their appeal like Transformers or Sloth from the Goonies in 80s lore and after the first couple of series, I had more fun making playing card-style forts out of them more than anything else.

Thanks for the memories though, buddy!

Swoledaddy out

Chestnuts roasted by Swolenuts @ 07/19/2003 02:45 AM EST

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm GPK candy. No wonder im so fked up now.

Chestnuts roasted by That 80s Guy @ 07/19/2003 03:35 AM EST

Thinking of Donkey Kong did you ever review the cartoon. Aolim MMG2000000

Chestnuts roasted by That 80s Guy @ 07/19/2003 03:37 AM EST

i still have 2 of these figures, the snot one and the spray paint one, they're on my shelf standing proudly in their one color glory (yay)

Chestnuts roasted by johnny @ 07/19/2003 07:11 AM EST

I love this site!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 07/19/2003 11:01 AM EST

Here is the 2nd series GPK checklist

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/9622/gpkcandycheck2.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by Garrison @ 07/19/2003 01:27 PM EST

Can anybody tell me if there's an X-Entertainment fan community on Livejournal? (There should be if there isn't one!)

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 07/19/2003 03:35 PM EST

I wonder what Deloris Clitoris would look like.

Chestnuts roasted by Deloris Clitoris @ 07/19/2003 03:48 PM EST

Cartoon cels and figurines from the banned Garbage Pail Kids cartoon: http://members.tripod.com/garbage_pail_kids/US_8th_Series.htm

Chestnuts roasted by Jiggle Factor @ 07/19/2003 03:48 PM EST

GPK ruled back in the day. I can't believe some of you people were turned off by their gross sense of humor. I mean these things were aimed at kids. Kids love gross shit, otherwise Nickelodeon's green slime (ripped off from "you can't do that on Television, of course) would have been a flash in the pan. Instead, it's still their bread and butter. As for Ren & Stimpy. I do agree that the new one sucks. What was the deal with the 1st episode? Suddenly the two are full blown homosexuals??? I have nothing against those with an aversion to vagina, but they're not even the same freaking species! My dreams of a bigger, better R&S are forever shattered...
...(sniff)

Chestnuts roasted by Jut1269 @ 07/19/2003 05:44 PM EST

There was a GBK figure of me in the 80's. It was called Sickly Sweede. Man I am the golden child.

Chestnuts roasted by Dolph Lundgren @ 07/20/2003 12:42 AM EST

There was a GBK figure of me in the 80's. It was called Sickly Sweede. Man I am the golden child.

Chestnuts roasted by Dolph Lundgren @ 07/20/2003 12:42 AM EST

Anybody have any luck finding "Wacky Pack" bubble gum sticker cards, GPK's spiritual granddaddy from the '70s? Those were the shit. "Gloom Toothpaste" was probably my favorite.

Chestnuts roasted by Jon @ 07/20/2003 01:23 AM EST

I used to love GPK. i had a heap of the cards but i never saw those toys being sold in australia. i would have loved them. i also remember those fright flicks cards, i remember buying a pack once and showing my mum and she went nuts at the lady who sold them too me. one of the proudest moments in my young card buying career.

here is a link to all the GPK card pictures, all series i think. brings back some good memories.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/9622/series1.html

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 07/20/2003 09:11 AM EST

Where does it say the candy is 'crummy' (apart from Matt)?

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/20/2003 09:41 AM EST

i was lookin at the crummy scan page and i couldnt help but notice the "thin lynn" character looks a bit like someone who just got out of auschwitz.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 07/20/2003 11:52 AM EST

I was just looking at the French ad up there, and does anyone else think that the baggy and candy looks like some kind of drug spread?

When I see little capsules and discs, and a card hanging out on a table with a plastic baggy that looks like it has powder in it, I think "drugs."... plus the GPK go pretty well with the idea already.

Subliminal messages... humm...

Chestnuts roasted by Lynn @ 07/20/2003 12:43 PM EST

By the way... if you pop the text into babelfish it says: "small cabbages of garbage pail mini-toys"

Cabbages? Someone made a goof.

Chestnuts roasted by Lynn @ 07/20/2003 12:49 PM EST

-- and yes, I know, the cabbage patch kids. What I mean by goof is that GPKs are not really considered CPK... so there. --

Chestnuts roasted by Lynn @ 07/20/2003 12:51 PM EST

I didn't like them either.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/07/12/garbage.pail.kids.ap/index.html

Chestnuts roasted by nobody @ 07/20/2003 12:52 PM EST

i'm only 16 and i vaguely remember some trading cards my cousin had...they were all about horrible monsters, like one was this mother who ate her children or soemthing ( i coudlnt have been older then 5 give my memory a break)
anyone know what these were
and yes i AM off-topic
aim me at toastedforks if you know

Chestnuts roasted by ToastedForks @ 07/20/2003 03:40 PM EST

Man. Garbage pail kids messed up my mind when I was a kid. You ever see those toads in national geographic that have a million eggs embeded in their backs? Those always disgusted me. Sorta got the same affect from gpk...Damn....aren't the kids super collectible now? I remember when I was in florida maybe 10 years ago, we visited someone's house and they had a huge bag full of that stuff. I SHOULD'VE TAKEN IT. I'm pretty sure they just threw it all out. Bleh. Hey Matt, your site is awesome by the way :) Keeps me going during my extremely boring summer.

Chestnuts roasted by EnderWiggin @ 07/20/2003 04:48 PM EST

As a reply to Lynn's comment about choux, choux does mean cabbage, but it's also a French slang term of endearment, as in "mon petit choux." I guess it's meant to say that the GPK are little dears or something. Why, I don't know.

Chestnuts roasted by Some Weird Guy @ 07/20/2003 05:04 PM EST

Actually, this is because Cabbage Patch Kids was known in Canada as P'tits Bouts de choux in French. So, whoever translated the Garbage Patch Kids name decided to include a reference to the original series, thus including the word choux in French (the word poubelle is the translation for Garbage).

Frankly, though, I never saw a bilingual display box for the series, as I knew it only under its English name, even though I live in Quebec.

Still, I find it interesting that it's a Canadian display box that's used for that article...

Chestnuts roasted by Lady Jaye @ 07/20/2003 08:13 PM EST

The box shown is from the UK -- apparently, the candy pieces there were "garbage shaped." Oh, another note -- finally OPENED the actual candy discs. On top of the GPK logo, they each have a character's name on the other side. Odd that they went through the trouble, but still notable for some reason that escapes me now.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/20/2003 08:16 PM EST

UK? That's odd. Usually, European boxes tend to be multilingual or to cover only the local language. Oh well. But the reference to the French name of Cabbage Patch Kids still stand.

Chestnuts roasted by Lady Jaye @ 07/21/2003 01:03 PM EST

That reminds me: Have you guys ever seen the Garbage candy (or whatever it's called)? It comes in a tiny colored plastic garbage can. You'd flip the top open and you'd have multicolored, garbage-shaped candy (fishbone, running shoe, can...). Taste-wise, it's similar to Sweet Tarts and other tarty candy (yum!).

[10 minutes later] I can't believe it!!! I was searching on Google for a link to put here to pictures of Garbage candy when I found this tidbit of interesting info: Art Spiegelman (the author of the Maus graphic novel) worked at Topps for nearly 20 years, starting in 1966. Some of his creations for Topps include: Garbage Candy, Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids.

Here's the link to the site where I found that info: http://www.us-israel.org/jsource/biography/Spiegelman.html Not exactly a bozo site, IMO.

Chestnuts roasted by Lady Jaye @ 07/21/2003 01:21 PM EST

Have you guys ever seen aeia lapimore?

She's this weird freak girl that travels the country claiming shes a living garbage pail kid,even though no one that sees her even remembers what they are :)

anyways, she's ridiculously ugly, and deformed. It's quite sad.

Chestnuts roasted by filo tin @ 07/28/2003 07:21 PM EST

email me if you have cheap toys and one of you said something of having series 2 cheap toys could you send a pic if you see this post? i havent seen any but have a few series 1 cheap toys.
chris63859@msn.com

Chestnuts roasted by chris63859@msn.com @ 11/25/2003 11:54 AM EST