08/13/2003 Entry: "Marvel Popsicles: Spidey and Wolverine, with gumball eyes!"

Remember those dueling Hulk and Spongebob popsicles? They're not alone. While carousing around Jersey shopping plazas last night, we dropped into the only Toys R' Us around that hasn't been remodeled to look more "modern" -- a favorite stop of mine, as it still retains the look and strange smell of the stores I wandered around in as a child. Killing two birds with one stone, I stuck my head in their cashier-side freezer to see if there was anything worth writing about. There wasn't, but I'm going to anyway -- Marvel's effort to control the frozen treat market rages on with two more popsicles, this time striking the likeness of X-Men's "Wolverine" and Spider-Man's "Spider-Man." Ughhmsdgh.

Judging Marvel's success solely on these two, I'd say they're batting .500%.

First up, Wolverine's "X-Treme Sour" cherry ice. As the title suggests, it's real sour. It's interesting to eat something brown and flesh-colored that tastes like that, but not so much so that I wouldn't notice the fact that Wolvie's pair of gumball eyes are hideously misplaced. Oddly, this is the first time I've seen the beast. Seems a bit late to come out with an X-Men inspired ice cream, but hey, they're still peddling those X-Men Oreos, too. Maybe it's promotion for the DVD release? Nope. Definitely not. In fact, suggesting that Wolverine ice cream is meant to promote an upcoming DVD is probably the worst hypothesis I've ever made. I'd feel a tad more remiss if I didn't like cherry ice so much.

While Wolverine appears pretty much exactly how it should, Spider-Man looks more like one of those things that obstructed the Princess from climbing vines in Super Mario 2. The only way it could seem like less like Spider-Man is if they attached little notecards to the popsicle head reading "this is not Spider-Man." Tobey Maguire would feel a tad more remiss if everyone didn't like that horse movie so much.

With me and Tobey just barely avoiding feeling remiss, I bid you goodnight.

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick N @ 08/13/2003 04:06 AM EST

Hugh Jackman has a dog nose?

But it all reeks of mullety goodness, so I guess it pans out afterall.

Chestnuts roasted by Eli Roth @ 08/13/2003 04:11 AM EST

But mullety goodness IS worth saying twice! ;)

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 08/13/2003 05:18 AM EST

i should cut my hair into a mullet . that would be cool.

i just read top eleven slashers and monstroid. two great big slappin' articles. nice one matt. keep on bakin'

Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 08/13/2003 05:44 AM EST

First thing in morning.....

Must breath.

Scary as shit.

Chestnuts roasted by Tessie @ 08/13/2003 07:34 AM EST

Hey Matt,
What flavor is the spider-man pop? Is it a stupendously spider sour (like the Wolverine one), or is it another flavor (arachnid apple, peter parker pineapple...)? I'm only asking because I can think of no better way to spend my hard earned money than to purchase Marvel pops.

Chestnuts roasted by Rygar @ 08/13/2003 09:00 AM EST

Why are all of these pops that Matt's been reviewing sour ascorbic acid flavoured? Remember back in the day when brown meant chocolate? When you could get sweet tasting stuff? Even creamy chocolate or banana pops? S'up with this new-fangled 'sour' craze? Durned bastard kids and their need for the face puckerers.

If I had a cane I'd so be waving it at some kid on my lawn right now.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 08/13/2003 10:38 AM EST

Hey now! I LIKE sour! But I also love sweet. And ever bitter can be nice on occasion, mmm dark chocolate mixed with orange lucsiousness. 8D~

Spider-Man's eyes look lik blue flames. While blue flames are cool, herein they just look WRONG.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 08/13/2003 12:53 PM EST

Why does spiderman need gumballs? I can see that the gumballs represent the eyes, but he has a mask so its kinda redundant. Its like putting sunglasses at night, or something......

Chestnuts roasted by Dre @ 08/13/2003 02:11 PM EST

These popsicles are getting stranger and stranger. Let's just hope that they never attempt to make one in the shape of Mr. T's head.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 08/13/2003 02:20 PM EST

I pity īda foo who dares to eat a Mr. T. popsicle!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Pacus Cane @ 08/13/2003 02:38 PM EST

I heard the Spider man pop is running for governor of California.

I might just vote for it. But then I can't vote for the dog, Pornstar, Gary Coleman, Larry Flint, or the 245 people besides Arnold Strong that decided to make my state into their own private circus.

Chestnuts roasted by Yeti Hunter @ 08/13/2003 02:38 PM EST

Oooooooooooh, I get it.

They were both run over by a truck. Now I see where these smashed faces are coming from

Chestnuts roasted by Spooner @ 08/13/2003 02:48 PM EST

Sweet and Sour is an age old question. Unless your a filthy rice eater. Coughcoughdamn chinesechough.**
But who needs it when you have partially hydrogenated fructose corn syrup. In fact I'm drinking some right now.
I wonder what T. Long has to say 'bout dat partially hydrogenated fructose corn syrup
playa!

Chestnuts roasted by Yankee Clipper @ 08/13/2003 03:21 PM EST

A battle-damaged Spidey Popsicle?

Chestnuts roasted by POP CULTURE DEBRIS @ 08/13/2003 03:22 PM EST

I remember when a brown popsicle would be cola flavoured. The good old days. Could be worse--could be Pepsi Blue flavour.

Those popsicles look like something Marvel threw together in about ten minutes (including manufacturing), hoping to take advantage of an obviously empty frozen treat market.

And ".500%"? Does that mean half a percent, or fifty-fifty? Sorry, I'm being very literal. It's those googly Wolverine eyes. They're making me grasp at reality and question everything I see before my eyes become googly too.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 08/13/2003 03:28 PM EST

Why di anyone bother to invent the flavor "sour cherry"? Yuck.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 08/13/2003 03:48 PM EST

Dammit, now I'm in the mood for an Icey.

Anyway, judging by the picture on the packages, it looks it's promoting the Marvel Ultimate Comics because Wolvie is sporting his Gay Club Guy look in on the wrapper. I'm sure Teddy Long would like that fact that Wolvies color is a brown Hue....
Anyway, why make Icey's sour anyway, doesn't that defeat the purpose?

Chestnuts roasted by Big Will @ 08/13/2003 03:51 PM EST

Why is Spidey wearing blue eyeliner? Maybe Marvel is leaning toward a sexier, more trampy Spiderman. Obviously Wolverine is not impressed, and shows his disdain for Spiderman's fashion sense by moving his left eye to his forehead.

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous P. Hancock @ 08/13/2003 03:54 PM EST

Hey!

(SFX of SLAPPING HAND AGAINST FOREHEAD)

I just figured out who Wolverine looks like in Popsicle form ... Eddie Munster's doll WOOF-WOOF!

Chestnuts roasted by POP CULTURE DEBRIS @ 08/13/2003 04:17 PM EST

Spideypop looks like a Far Side cartoon. One to do with ameobas, I think. Wolverine, I just dunno. I'm feeling kinda weird right now about having the hots for Hugh Jackman, though.

Chestnuts roasted by sweet polly purebred @ 08/13/2003 04:19 PM EST

Haven't you guys heard? The caved in skull look is the IT fasion nowadays! I'm gonna go see the guy in the alley who busts your face in for you this afternoon!:D

Chestnuts roasted by The Man in Your Closet @ 08/13/2003 04:40 PM EST

The guy in my ally always smells like booze. And blue cheese. Damn French.

Chestnuts roasted by Yankee Clipper @ 08/13/2003 04:43 PM EST

one time there was a metal skateboard/bike ramp behind albertsons for some reason and we would lauch shopping carts off of it at 40+mph. it was fun yes...and there was a bum back there once too and we shined a flashlight at him and he ran and hid in a corner. alleys can be fun, but no face bashing here.

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 08/13/2003 05:07 PM EST

.5 would be great in baseball!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Morcheeba @ 08/13/2003 05:13 PM EST

Spidey looks more like Deadpool. And that's the way it should be.

Chestnuts roasted by Not really a comic geek... @ 08/13/2003 05:14 PM EST

the packaging looks nice though... makes me hungry for what could have been...

Chestnuts roasted by sonja @ 08/13/2003 06:41 PM EST

Spiral Binding WOOHOO.

But seriously, Matt, it doesn't count if you make fun of them after they'vee melted on your dashboard during the infinite trek from the last true Toys 'R' Us to home.

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 08/13/2003 06:44 PM EST

Oh yes it does.

But they made it home fine. Spidey was a bit misshapen, but that just adds to his charm.

I still think the Hulk pop leads the pack.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 08/13/2003 06:46 PM EST

heh, ever seen the Bart Simpson pop, or the Pikachu? The Bart one is strange, because he is supposedly new... http://www.popsicle.com/treats/treats_famousfaces.asp#bart
What possesed them to suddenly make a Simpsons pop? Strange, considering 8-10 years ago they were yesterday's South Park... Now they are marketed towards kids.... The times they are a'changin.

Chestnuts roasted by goeatweeds @ 08/13/2003 08:08 PM EST

Hmf, Ice pops are so two-dimentional... What's with that? They should be 3-dimentional, because there is nothing more fun than taking a big bite outta your favorite superstar's melon and sucking out all the juciey gray matter. Or you could go for extra style and remove the brains through the eye socket. It's possible! I saw it on a movie once, and they can't lie to us in movies! It's like the law or something!

Until we have 3-D ice pops with removable brains, I'm leaving these things in the cold lonely freezer where they belong.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul Ortego @ 08/13/2003 09:10 PM EST

When I was youger my grandma always had these Disney fruit flavoured popsicles. Donald, Goofy, and Mickey. They were totally 3D. I remember always having to bite Mickey's ears of first. So that he couldn't here us comtemplating what body part would be next. Whoooohahahahah.

Chestnuts roasted by Yankee Clipper @ 08/13/2003 09:21 PM EST

Those rugrat pops remind me of the wwf ice cream bars of the late 80's. Whoever came up with the idea of "etching" a design on a crappy vanilla wafer cookie and sandwiching it with drab vanilla ice cream. Mmm vanilla...aargh

Chestnuts roasted by Superstar Billy Graham @ 08/13/2003 09:22 PM EST

the blue makes me think he's Spidey 2099

Chestnuts roasted by Alex @ 08/13/2003 09:43 PM EST

My first impression when I saw that Spider-Man pop was "Wtf, a Strong Bad popsicle?" Anyone else get that reaction?

Chestnuts roasted by LastFrost @ 08/13/2003 10:07 PM EST

I was on the Strong Bad Page myself. I mean come-on, its a better idea than Spidey.

Chestnuts roasted by purple monkey dishwasher @ 08/13/2003 10:33 PM EST

I remember those 3d mickey pops too yankee!!! those things had the best flavor of any popcicle! and they were indeed very 3-d!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 08/13/2003 10:52 PM EST

Wow.
I had one of those Wolverine popsicles a while back. It was the best popsicle I ever had. At least since I was really little. It didn't look as stupid as that one, though. Thanks, Matt for re-fueling the "I really want a Wolverine popsicle" fire. I just got over it and now... Funny how it wasn't really "sour", though.

I had those Disney popsicles!! I thought I was the only one that remembered those. I had one after my mom gave me a bath and got soap in my mouth. It was her way of making it up to me. It tasted all soapy, though. (And yes, I rinsed first.)I think It was an orange Mickey.

And I can never look at Spider-Man the same way again. Very creepy.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 08/13/2003 11:05 PM EST

Yankee, you took me back too dude. I remember the Disney Iceys now.

Dammit I want Icey's again, just after I got over the urge top. Damn you Matt Cappawhateveryourlastnameis, Damn you

Chestnuts roasted by Big Will @ 08/14/2003 03:57 AM EST

Where is that old school Toys R US in New Jersey. The new store lay out sucks ass, I loved the old way.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Satan @ 08/14/2003 05:45 AM EST

Now you've reminded me of how sad I am that Baskins and Robbins no longer has "Oreo X-Mint". I mean, oreos, mint, and dark chocolate, yet they decide to replace it with yet another bannana concoction as flavor of the month?

Chestnuts roasted by Regault @ 08/16/2003 01:10 AM EST

I seriously laughed out loud when I laid eyes on those pops. Those are some fucked up looking confections...

>

Hmm...does this mean Corey Hart is Spider-Man?

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 08/16/2003 01:02 PM EST

I think that they melted and refroze or something.....they look kind of frightning!

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