08/19/2003 Entry: "Lucky Charms' Swirly Whales: The Best Marshmallow EVER."

So, we're already amped for Halloween over here. I usually don't start till September, which is bad enough, but this year's really getting an early start. The stores have just begun putting out some of the Halloween wares -- mostly the black n' orange M&Ms and a few ghost-shaped Peeps, but I managed to find a few items that you'll see in the coming months. I think we're aiming to have X-E "spookified" by September 15th or so, and there's some cool shit planned. At worst, the place should feel a little more busy than usual. Busy and murderous.

Speaking of murder, what's your favorite cereal marshmallow? I'm not sure how the topic came up, or even if it didn't and I'm just making that part up as a good segue, but in the world of breakfast, there can only be one true top marshmallow in history. Tough call, right? Let me help -- this is, by far, the best cereal marshmallow there ever was:

It's the Lucky Charms "Swirly Whale!" Oh yeah, you know it. I was absolutely crushed when these things ran their course, and Lucky Charms have never seemed the same since. The marshmallows were white and whale-shaped, only with this big rainbow of color stripes over it, which to my child mind, indicated that each marshmallow boasted several fruit flavors. Course, they all taste the same, but that can be our little secret. Just ours. We kin. We blood. We swirly. The added an unbelievable splash of color to a bowl full of what was already multicolored, and if you don't think one measly new marshmallow could've made such an impact, take a look at the next picture...

Granted, it's not the photo that'll cause the collective readership of this site to stand up and shot "HOLY SHIT, MATT'S RIGHT," but c'mon, at least admit that it's colorful. Colorful and swirly. Best of all, they're some of the only marshmallows around who had their own back story -- get a load of the Swirly Whale's origin tale...

Lucky and a whale get trapped up on a rainbow, where the whale gets engulfed in their prison's flavorful colors. The commercials were episodic -- there was this whole huge story leading up to the rainbow shit, and even more afterwards. The coup? During the course of the promotion, Lucky Charms featured the Swirly Whale marshmallows. When the ads died, so did Swirly Whale, and a little piece of my heart. I haven't been as staunch a supporter of General Mills since. A General Mills that kills Swirly Whales is a General Mills I can't tip my hat towards. Club sandwiches, not seals.

Click here to download the Lucky Charms "Swirly Whale" commercial!

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 08/19/2003 04:07 AM EST

i always thought the marshmallows in breakfast cereals were powdery and dry.

we used to get ricicles, which were frosted rice crispies, and then they added marshmaLOWS AND EVERYONe hated it.

maybe in america the marshmallows are nice, maybe in england we only get the old stale marshmallows that even matt wouldnt want to play with.

Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 08/19/2003 05:24 AM EST

hey! there's nothing wrong with English marshmallows, the only problem is we don't get enough serials with them in over here. To be honest, the only ones i've seen in a while are lucky charms, unless anyone knows different...

Chestnuts roasted by ultramonkey 23 @ 08/19/2003 07:06 AM EST

X-E likes whales. and marshmellows. it's amazing Matt was able to find the two combined... in all my Lucky Charms-munching years i've never seen such a thing.

i prefer shape when choosing my marshmelons, and the red balloons really do it for me :O

Chestnuts roasted by zann @ 08/19/2003 08:14 AM EST

oh shite, this is barely relevant, but i just heard on the radio that the LifeSavers voting is complete. they are retiring some flavors from the classic 5-flavor: orange, lemon, & lime will be replaced, so the new lineup is cherry, pineapple, watermelon, blackberry, and raspberry.

ok, gross.

best LifeSaver flavor ever: Butter Rum

Chestnuts roasted by zann @ 08/19/2003 08:23 AM EST

Oh, hell, no. I remember going to the Halloween X-entertainment site every day. That wasn't last year, was it? It was just two months ago, right? Oh, hell, my life is slipping away like a carton of Ecto Cooler with a hole poked in the bottom by an unruly pencil in my backpack.
My life is speeding away like a drunkard in a Buick. Soon - sooner than I'd like - I'll be an old man on my deathbed. But instead of yapping about Rosebud, I'll probably croak something about Slimer before kicking the bucket. I don't want to go out like that, man. I don't want to go out like that.

Chestnuts roasted by Master Harold, MD @ 08/19/2003 08:24 AM EST

Speaking of murder, did you guys see the dude who killed his parents down here in Brazil because they wanted to take his bride away from him? Oh, and did I mention his bride was an inflatable doll? Yeah... If that ain't a good start for a wicked Halloween season, I don'know what is, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 08/19/2003 08:39 AM EST

Sweet! I can't believe that someone else is getting ready for Hallowe'en too. I just brought in my cool ass pumpkin-stencil sketches to be photocopied and bought the finger-mutilating exacto knives from the stationery store yesterday. I'm also scouring the dollar stores for Hallowe'en shit. "Honey, I don't want to alarm you but there may be a boogeyman, or several boogeymen, in the house."

Ah, Hallowe'en: what would we evil blasphemous atheists do without its sweet, sexy, sinful goodness?

In other news, I'll add another vote for Butter Rum, but I'm pissed to see them stealing -- stealing -- Orange away from me. Bastards. They'd better give me something orgasm-flavoured if they're taking away Orange.

(In still other news, cereal marshmallows this side of the pond are dry and powdery too. I wonder what they're made of. . .hmm, Google, here I come).

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 08/19/2003 09:42 AM EST

Ah, far as marshmallows go in cereal, I'm a Monster Cereals kinda guy.

BOO BERRY LIVES ... well, unlives.

Chestnuts roasted by POP CULTURE DEBRIS @ 08/19/2003 09:54 AM EST

mmmmm orgasm flavored

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 08/19/2003 10:47 AM EST

Halloween? My town still hasn't put down their Christmas displays from TWO years ago.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 08/19/2003 10:53 AM EST

I need some Halloween ideas for something to do this year, I notice it lands on a Friday. I love the holiday, but I never do anything. Tips people? tips?

Oh and um marshmellows in the cereal are kinda dry and crusty over here too. Maybe the moist and fluffys dont keep well in the box or something...

Chestnuts roasted by spazzamatic @ 08/19/2003 12:39 PM EST

Depends on where ya live, Spazz. :) We're already mapping out which stupid hayride/pumpkin patches to assault.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 08/19/2003 12:40 PM EST

http://www.topps.com/Entertainment/GarbagePailKids/index.html

they're back!

Chestnuts roasted by punkrock101 @ 08/19/2003 12:46 PM EST

The best marshmallow ever? Thats easy. Its the super Pac-Man that came in a special run of Pac-Man cereal. The fucking things were as big as a quarter !!!

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 08/19/2003 01:19 PM EST

Theodore R. Long, it was good to see you on Raw yesterday. Beelee Dat! Your mic skills are off the heezy-for-cheezy playa! I heard you're backing Mark Henry now. Do you have anything to add about that? Don't back the Mack cuz he straight up sucks! Beelee Dat!

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 08/19/2003 02:13 PM EST

im with zann - red balloons all the way.

Chestnuts roasted by kranick @ 08/19/2003 02:47 PM EST

idoit

Chestnuts roasted by idoit test @ 08/19/2003 04:25 PM EST

shit, fuck

Chestnuts roasted by test server....... @ 08/19/2003 04:26 PM EST

I actually have a towel with Lucky and the whale that you had to send boxtops for or something.

Chestnuts roasted by Duff McWhalen @ 08/19/2003 04:36 PM EST

Ha ha hilarious article. Matt must be a pretty busy guy cause he never answers my email.
Anyway matt email me becuase I have a job for you. Consider yourself hired

mrmagwitch@aol.com

Chestnuts roasted by R hunter @ 08/19/2003 05:00 PM EST

I remember those commericals for the Swirley Whales. I don't think I ever saw them in stores here but the commercials I loved. I am sooo looking forward to see what Matt and friends can come up with for ideas for Halloween. May the Reaper steal your souls in the night.

Chestnuts roasted by KoNaX @ 08/19/2003 06:11 PM EST

Are cereal marshmallows really marshmallows anyway? Maybe thats why the brits don't like them... I always enjoyed the freeze-dried ice cream (space ice cream) type of consistency..

Cracklin oat bran? Do they still sell that? I live in massachusetts, and they seem to be non-existant here..

Chestnuts roasted by goeatweeds @ 08/19/2003 06:13 PM EST

hehe it may be offtopic but this is so perfect for Matt:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3343667566&category=309

Chestnuts roasted by Katie @ 08/19/2003 08:36 PM EST

Anyone play the "You Don't Know Jack" games? All of them have parody commercials during the credits, and one of them is for an "orgasm bar."

Chestnuts roasted by Silly Golem @ 08/19/2003 09:42 PM EST

On cereal marshmallows, I can't help you since, frankly, I agree with the folks who said they're usually dry and stale. The cereal that comes with those marshmallows is usually bland, too. Blecch. I did like the Monster Cereals as a kid, particuarly Frankenberry, but I wouldn't touch them now.

I'm still getting past summer, much less getting ready for Halloween. I live in a resort, and I don't start considering fall until the tourists are gone. I do need to replace some of my old decorations, however, so maybe I should start giving the holiday some thought. The Acme already has candy in fall-print bags out.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 08/19/2003 10:01 PM EST

hey punkrock101, i told matt first about garbage pail kids so dont take the credit

Chestnuts roasted by ryan_fett @ 08/20/2003 12:30 AM EST

My favourite marshmellows will always be the purple horseshoes.

They are so...untampered with. They changed the stars to shooting stars, took away the diamonds, turned the moons blue, added the clover to lucky's hat. Only the horseshoes are untampered with and awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Tenchichan @ 08/20/2003 01:54 AM EST

I didn't like the horseshoes much when I was little.They broke apart so easily while they were still in the milk.

But they are the only ones that the company hasn't changed,so I guess they are awesome in some way...

Chestnuts roasted by Fhydra @ 08/20/2003 04:48 AM EST

Am I the only one who has Kirk Douglas' song from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea going through their head?

"I've got a whale of a tale to tell you, a whale of a tale its true..."

Chestnuts roasted by Regault @ 08/20/2003 09:41 AM EST

Goeatweeds,

They do still make Cracklin' Oat Bran. I was having a conversation with my senior year roommate about it and we could not find it anywhere. Finally, about a year ago, it began appearing on the grocer shelves here in New Orleans, and I was so pumped. But I did not buy it. Looking at the nutrition label, there was about 15 grams of fat per serving. (Most cereals have 0-5 g.) And that's before adding buttermilk!

I think when the FDA made products list their nutrition value, sales of Cracklin' Oat Bran fell big time.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 08/20/2003 09:49 AM EST

Oh, and for the Lucky Charms marshmallows -- there is not a single original marshmallow shape/color left. Let's see, it began with green clovers, orange stars, yellow moons, blue diamonds, red hearts,... and,... that might be it. Purple horseshoes came in either the very end of the 80s or beginning of the 90s. I still remember the ad.

Lucky's hiding from the kids in a stable. In a horse pen. A pen for a purple horse. The horse gets agitated that Lucky's hanging in his pad and literally kicks him out (very violent). Well, of course the kids find him, along with the new purple horseshoes.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 08/20/2003 09:56 AM EST

it's true ^ .

Chestnuts roasted by nick @ 08/20/2003 11:22 AM EST

The Lucky Charms timeline (compiled from http://www.lavasurfer.com/cereal-generalmills.html)

1964: pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers
1975: blue diamonds added
1984: purple horseshoes added
1986: rainbow whale added temporarily
1989: red balloons added
1991: star-in-balloon replaced red balloon and orange star
1992: rainbow added
1994: pot of gold replaces yellow moon
1995: blue moon added
1996: clover-in-hat replaces green clover

Unfortunately that’s all the info the site had. At some point the star-in-balloon went back to being the red balloon and the new shooting star. I also think there were a few other marshmallows that were added for a limited time like the whale one was.

I’ve got too much free time.

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 08/20/2003 01:20 PM EST

Matt my dear-

I meant to mention this earlier I know how you are a fan of animalia and what not . I went to the COney Island aquarium recently and theyre having a really awesome jellyfish exhibit. Not quite cryptozoology, but still really really cool.

cheers

Chestnuts roasted by Julia Badtouch @ 08/20/2003 03:45 PM EST

I dont really like cereal. I'll eat LIFE. And that just shows what a boring bastard I am. No flava' in that.

I dont even like breakfast. Except for bacon....and sausage. I enjoy pork in all its various forms. Maybe they should make pork flavored cereal.

Speaking of pork I was driving throug my downtown and some kind put an "o" were "a" should be on a sign that said "public parking"

FRASE OF THE DAY-PUBLICH PORKING

Chestnuts roasted by Yankee Clipper @ 08/20/2003 05:01 PM EST

HOLY SHIT, MATT'S RIGHT.

We kin. We blood. We swirly.

Genius.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 08/20/2003 06:16 PM EST

And Golden Grahams said unto the masses (or me anyway), "Thou shalt have no other cereal unto me, for I am the Lord thy Breakfast." I have eaten no other cereal but golden grahams for about 7 years. Except for one box of Boo Berry my friend sent me (yes, they still make it) and I was visiting tennessee (don't ask) and I found a store that still sells a cereal called Body Buddies. It was my favorite as a kid. but other than that, GOLDEN GRAHAMS ONLY. Delicious.

Chestnuts roasted by My NameIsAlsoMatt @ 08/20/2003 06:19 PM EST

There was also the locked door and when you poured milk on it, there was a key shape inside. That was for a limited time I think it was added this year or last year.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 08/20/2003 07:50 PM EST

i have one of the commercials for the swirly whale where they somehow try to temp the whale off the rainbow with lucky charms

Chestnuts roasted by josh @ 08/20/2003 09:50 PM EST

You guys are just now getting ready for halloween? halloween is every day here. i never cared for sugary cereals. i agree they are powdery. id rather put an ungodly amount of sugar in my cereal.

Chestnuts roasted by corinthian @ 08/20/2003 09:56 PM EST

I was never a big fan of marshmallow speckled cereals, mostly because I've been told I resemble Lucky the Leprachaun and don't like to draw attention to it... that and they hurt my teeth. However I've been a fan of whales since they were invented! Well, I haven't been the fan, but my sister was when we were younger. And being that she would go all canibalistic on me if I defied her and bite me (I swear, one time she bit my arm so hard I slung it along with me like a zombie for 3 months) I have seen my share of whale paraphanalia (try typing "whale paraphanalia" next time you're depressed, I promise it'll cheer you up), specifically "Dot's Whale." While I don't remember the plot, I remember Dot (the lead character) telling some kids that they shouldn't throw stuff at whales... like bricks. I think it was put out by Green Peace of something. I want to get the video for my sistah for Christmas or Channuka or Kwanzaa or whatever holy day we celebrate. So if anyone knows what in the blue hell I'm talking about, some reciproication would make me giggle a dumb girl with a string of Christmas lights. AIM: Berkowitz412 Thanks!

Chestnuts roasted by Fish Number 641 @ 08/20/2003 11:17 PM EST

Hehe "get ready for Halloween" And what do i do? I live in Transylvania...

Chestnuts roasted by Molotov @ 08/21/2003 01:43 AM EST

I remember those swirly whales... It's odd I'll be driving down the street and suddenly think to myself. "Swirly Whales were the shit."

As for other Marshmallow cerials, Froot Loops with Marshmallows is the most repellant cerial ever, conversly Frankenberry is a #1 contender for best cerial ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Dante W. @ 08/21/2003 07:40 AM EST

Man like I saw me one of thoes whales at sea arama last week and it was like far out trippin dude, with all the colors swirlin and the little green men running on the rainbow, like its freakin me out. Then I had a bean burrito. Sweet.

Chestnuts roasted by BluntKing @ 08/21/2003 09:20 AM EST

Oh man, either those were before my time or I just forgot about them, but I don't really see how that's possible. I was eating Lucky Charms for breakfast today and trying to remember the origins of the marshmallows. I know the red balloon showed up when he went on that crazy trip in a balloon, I remember the pot of gold and his hat, I just couldn't remember how the rainbow came about.

Chestnuts roasted by Black Zarak @ 08/21/2003 01:00 PM EST

Ever had a meringue cookie? They taste like giant cereal marshmallows...

Chestnuts roasted by Ronixis McCobain @ 08/21/2003 06:07 PM EST

I dunno if anyone agrees with me, but Lucky Charms is one of the nastiest cereals to grace planet earth with its presence. Perhaps worse are Frosted Flakes and Wheaties or those extra-awful Golden Grhams, but anything with 'marshmallows' in it strikes a bad note.

I do admit that freaking whales is pretty creative though...

Chestnuts roasted by TimBoy @ 08/21/2003 08:51 PM EST

God I'm old. I remember when purple horseshoes were the *new* marshmallows in Lucky Charms.

Now my bridge group has jokes about leading the ace of horseshoes and shit. God i'm old.

Chestnuts roasted by purple monkey dishwasher @ 08/21/2003 10:58 PM EST

what the hell is this !!!
I smile at it (^^)

Chestnuts roasted by jacob @ 08/22/2003 12:20 AM EST

Ilike posting crap I'm bored and I am ten years old (-_-)

Chestnuts roasted by jacob @ 08/22/2003 12:25 AM EST

Orgasm flavored???? Me thinks that would be a bit salty, don't you?

Chestnuts roasted by tedly @ 08/22/2003 04:59 AM EST

Timboy: What the hell do you like? Kashi? Golden Grahams is like the best ceareal ever! And Lucky Charms rocks!

Chestnuts roasted by Rapideth @ 08/22/2003 12:35 PM EST

i'm a frankin berry girl all the way, though next in line is the lucky charms, the best is to save all the marshmellows last and then just eat a bowel full of them on their own, YUM!

Chestnuts roasted by sugarpine @ 08/22/2003 02:14 PM EST

pork? whale whats the problem with whales(-_-)?

Chestnuts roasted by jacob @ 08/23/2003 11:04 PM EST

Yep I remember the purple horseshoe comercial.

The original suite of shapes was pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers and blue diamonds.

Then they did the purple horseshoe comercial and it just didnt seem right throwing purple horseshoes on the end. Kinda like when they changed the Gilligans Island theme from "The professor and Marianne" to "And the rest".

Chestnuts roasted by Pat Brown @ 08/23/2003 11:41 PM EST

I am desperately looking for at least the name of this game I played in junior high, on the old beloved Apple IIe, in the late '80s. The premise is a spaceship you maneuver across the screen to obtain a coin. The way to do that is to connect the sensors to the propellors inside. If the connected sensor hit a wall, that would trigger the corresponding propellor. Connect the circuit correctly and the ship would automatically maneuver around the screen, grab the coin, and go back to where it started. I wish I knew at least the name of this game. If you know, or want more info about what I remember, I am desperate enough to have sketched out an illustration. PLEASE HELP! Even if you dont know, forward my plea to someone you think might. thank you, Chris Black chrsblck@aol.com

Chestnuts roasted by chrsblck@aol.com @ 09/04/2003 07:57 PM EST

Personally i think the whole General mills line fell apart after red balloons. -_-;

Chestnuts roasted by Oppy-san @ 09/06/2004 09:23 AM EST

I have the same obsession as you chrsblck, only on a Commodore 64 game. Sadness I tell you, pure unadalterated sadness.

Chestnuts roasted by ArcticOrange @ 09/06/2004 01:37 PM EST

Sugarpine, if you're eating mashmallows out of bowels, I don't want to read about it!

I always hated Trix. I had the strange compulsion to eat the yellow ones first, and then each other color separately. It was maddening to eat them that way. Happily, I don't have that same compulsion with other breakfast cereals.

Chestnuts roasted by Mac @ 09/07/2004 03:54 PM EST

Sugarpine, if you're eating mashmallows out of bowels, I don't want to read about it!

I always hated Trix. I had the strange compulsion to eat the yellow ones first, and then each other color separately. It was maddening to eat them that way. Happily, I don't have that same compulsion with other breakfast cereals.

Chestnuts roasted by Mac @ 09/07/2004 03:54 PM EST

double posts are not as yummy as whales. sorry

Chestnuts roasted by Mac @ 09/07/2004 03:57 PM EST

I will now begin my quest to find these wonderful creatures.

Beats the crap out the Red Ballons anyday.

Chestnuts roasted by Adam @ 09/08/2004 03:41 AM EST

I will now begin my quest to find these wonderful creatures.

Beats the crap out the Red Ballons anyday.

Chestnuts roasted by Adam @ 09/08/2004 03:42 AM EST

I remember that Lucky Charms had green pine trees on Arbor day. Am I right or just crazy?

Chestnuts roasted by Jordan @ 09/08/2004 09:34 AM EST

I am not eating it untill they make an ALL marshmallow edition.

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 09/28/2004 10:46 AM EST

hey, which C64 game?

and REAL Ghostbusters Cereal all the way, babee!

Chestnuts roasted by UncaAndoo @ 10/05/2004 08:19 PM EST

That timeline above is flawed. The purple horseshoes came out a bit later than that (I'm thinking 1986 or 87). There are a few innaccuracies on that website too. The thing where you vote for whether the rabbit gets trix is definitely NOT 1980. I remember the campaign very well, and I was born in 1980. I'm gonna guess and say 1990 or 1991 for that...

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 10/08/2004 02:34 PM EST