09/10/2003 Entry: "Halloween Pringles: THEY ARE ORANGE."

This week's Top Eleven takes us back to the glory days of Luke Skywalker and those little pigs who helped freeze up Han Solo -- it's the eleven strangest Star Wars figures ever, classic edition. I've purposely left off some of the more obvious choices, as they've been covered in this X-E article. Read it, print it, wipe your 12" Lando's ass with it. Oh, there was supposed to be a little sound file from an old Wampa commercial included, but it didn't make the cut. Click here to listen to the infamous Kenner "Wampa" commercial, featuring a child putting his balls in a vice to make his repeated "WAMPA! WAMPA!" catchphrase sound all the more gritty.

New X-E article'll be up tomorrow -- a movie review, kinda Halloweenish, and definitely one I've been hoping to write about and pillage for years. You're so going to love what's in store for the site's spooky season. Speaking of ghosts and goblins, the merchandising blitz has already begun trickling down in these early September months. Not that I'm complaining: I love it. Apparently, someone at Procter & Gamble's a big fan of it, too. Check out those hot new Halloween themed Pringles -- yes, Pringles. The familiar canister's been given the appropriately "black & orange" theme, along with an ominous haunted house in the background. Actually, I can't say for sure if it's really "haunted," but there's bats roughly the size of cars flying around it, and that's good enough for me. I think they would've benefited from giving that white-headed "Pringles Man" a widow's peak, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

Now, here's the kicker. While most holiday-themed foods stop at the packaging, Pringles took things even further. The chips, folks. Something has happened...to the chips. The chips...have been...dyed orange!

Who knew that tagging on a little "Yellow 6" to the ingredients list could bring such terrorizing wonder? The best part is, they didn't use the orange dyed-chips as an excuse to make "pumpkin flavored Pringles" or some other such nonsense -- these are just like the originals, just more orange. More orange than anything in the world. Seriously, even that new box of Crayola crayons with 50,000 new colors doesn't have anything close to this level of orangeness. There's roughly 85 chips in each can, so not only are you getting the most unnaturally neon orange food in history -- you're getting enough of it to share with friends and family dogs. It's all so nice; you'd think they'd save something like that for Christmas. If you were floored when Pepperidge Farm broke character with those damned purple goldfish crackers, wait until your eyes get blinded by these things. Okay, I think I'm done talking about orange Pringles now. I lost myself there for a minute.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 09/10/2003 03:05 PM EST

Yes, i picked up some the other day, blazingly orange.

BTW, another one of my childhood toys has been remade, MICRO MACHINES!

Chestnuts roasted by Slimjim @ 09/10/2003 03:30 PM EST

Some of my favorite obscure SW figures: the AT-ST driver from RotJ, he has no lines but he gets tricked by the ewoks and thrown out of the cockpit by chewey, that's deserving of a whole figure, don't you think?; the green A-Wing pilot who may or may not have had any lines in RotJ but looked an awful damn lot like Eric Stoltz and did a kamikazee dive into the Super Star Destroyer saving the day with honor; the countless Ewoks who never did anything important (except maybe die); Squid Head who looks very much like Cthulu; Porkins of course; and I absolutely agree Matt on your last choice, the Rancor Keeper deserves him moment in the sun, is it just me or does his scene make you want to cry with him? Actually Roger Ebert noted that scene as nearly like his favorite scene in the trilogy, just demonstrating how complete and detailed the films were. But he doesn't subscribe to the Force philosophy--blasphemy.

And if you want to include the new trilogy, it's great that they made all those great Jedi figures for Ep. 2, though they were never named nor had lines. I bought every Jedi they made--maybe I have a fetish, or at least for Jedis who fight in long dresses.

That "wampa, wampa" audioclip was great but for some reason I can't make the video clips on this site work. When I click the link I'm brought to a page containing thousands of alien symbols in weird configurations. Does anybody know what that means? What have I not loaded onto my computer?

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 09/10/2003 03:48 PM EST

Oreos have made their cookies with orange filling for Halloween too. All this bright orange food scares me.

Chestnuts roasted by QTcamille @ 09/10/2003 04:24 PM EST

Hi Matt, I'm a new faithful reader of X-entertainment. I'm looking forward to the pringle article. Please hurry, I've already finished the archive.

P.S. I thought I was the only human being on earth who knew who Rawhead rex was.

Chestnuts roasted by Blah @ 09/10/2003 04:30 PM EST

Hmm, there seems to be a trend of food brands seasonally dying their transfats...oreos and pringles...

Chestnuts roasted by AntsInKoolAId @ 09/10/2003 04:32 PM EST

Boy, just like Fiesta Ware. I wonder how many millirads of gamma waves these things put out. Probablly make your insides light up with goodness.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Wizzard @ 09/10/2003 05:29 PM EST

Anything Halloween is good, and orange pringles???? Why not! I just bought some halloween saran wrap the other day :)

Chestnuts roasted by Vengeance Magazine! @ 09/10/2003 05:55 PM EST

Mr. Wizzard, my mum collects fiesta ware =) We only found out after she started collecting that it's "radio active" =D We never ate off of them, though.

As for the Star Wars action figures, I wish I could fake an interest in Star Wars. My old roomie had the boxed set of the original trilogy, and we tried to watch them one night. I kept falling asleep halfway through each one =( I guess I'm doomed to be a Star Trek fan for life. (Data's a sexier 'droid than R2D2 or C3P0 anyway...)

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 09/10/2003 05:56 PM EST

Blue food is scarier than orange. Like blue frosting. Won't go near that stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by a pig in every hot air ballon @ 09/10/2003 06:59 PM EST

Damn I wish I could get some Halloween crap for my place. Thing is, I'm on a tight budget. And on top of that, my landlords are conservative Christians who would see anything related to Halloween as "Devil's Stuff" Damn I hate conservatives.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/10/2003 07:31 PM EST

Y'know, I always like Pringles better than all those other chips. Probably due to the fact that Pringles have nowhere near as much fat as the other brands (i.e, Lays, Ruffles, etc.). And not only that, but they even LOOK better than the other brands. Especially now that they're Halloween-themed. That's friggin' awesome!

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/10/2003 07:38 PM EST

Matt, what went so wrong in your life today that you actually sat down and COUNTED the number of Pringles in the can? I don't believe it says on the box.

Chestnuts roasted by "Woah, I heard he has LASER FEET! That's cool, right?" -Shake @ 09/10/2003 08:02 PM EST

I'm also not a chips fan, but I do like Pringles...even in the most amazing shade of orange I've ever seen in my entire life.

I was a crazy, obsessive "Star Wars" nut as a kid. I literally ate, lived, and breathed the original trilogy. I still like them and have action figures and books, and I'll get on a "Star Wars" kick every now and then, but I've never gotten into the series quite like I did in the late 80s. My brother has the "Power of the Force" version of Bossk, who tends to get used as a foil for his Boba Fett. I don't have a dignitary, but I do have an original Emperor's Guard, the guys in the nifty bright red helmets and robes in RotJ, and one of the Gamorrean (green pig) Guards from Jabba's palace.

The coolest action figure by far is the Wampa, not only because "Empire" is my favorite movie of all time, but he's got the whole horns-and-claw thing going on, and the expression on his face is classic, like one of the ghosts from the original "Scooby Doo."

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 09/10/2003 08:10 PM EST

While technically not an action figure, the greatest Star Wars toy of all time HAS to be the Tauntaun with Eviscerated By Lightsaber Action!

For those not aware of this fabulous toy (which I think Matt has discussed before) it's a tauntaun (those big Arctic kangaroo things the Rebels rode around on in Empire Strikes Back) but with a rubber belly that is slit so you can re-enact the scene where Han cuts one open and sticks Luke inside to keep him warm.

GENIUS!

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 09/10/2003 08:44 PM EST

Hey I always thought I had a weird Star Wars toy but I could be mistaken, it could have been from something else. It was a stuffed animal with a hooded robe (colored green) and yellow fur. It had no facial features except 2 beady little eyes that lit up orange. I think it might have made a noise too. What was that? Nobody can tell me what it is.

Chestnuts roasted by Wicket @ 09/11/2003 12:11 AM EST

That toy is called a Chubble, I think.

Chestnuts roasted by Pat @ 09/11/2003 12:47 AM EST

Welcome Blah, glad you're having fun at X-E to steal a line from Stand by Me, Matt's odd as a cod. Which explains why I'm at the site so damn much. Also, Matt, what happend to the old OLD archives. I haven't seen them since the whole UGO switch (or maybe before).

On to the point, Last I knew Pringle came in a few neon colors, Green, Red and some awefull sky blue. It's like eating a Rubix cube. As for Star Wars, like Matt I only got to see ROTJ in theaters, Rancor keep was one of my least fav. toys (got it for my b-day when I was like 5 or so) and I didn't invite the kid back the next year ^ ^ (Hell I got him a Cobra Rattler, and he gives me the friggin Rancor keeper??)

Chestnuts roasted by Toxikfoxx @ 09/11/2003 12:59 AM EST

Wow. Halloween rocks. Although that orange digestion warning seems...important. Pringles are deadly addictive. I was afraid they'd be all cheesy or something. Guess not - guess I found a chip for the next 50 days.

I found the new Garbage Pail Kids today at a Jo-Ann's FABRIC store, of all the insane places.

Of course, also full of Halloween goodness.

Chestnuts roasted by Cobaltnine @ 09/11/2003 02:01 AM EST

Hey Inkmage, what was the force philosophy Roger Ebert didn't get? It is a part of my life as well as many of you other guys, but if he's talking about that midiclorian (how do you spell it?) bullshit that Qui Gon was going off about in Ep 1, than I agree that it's stupid. It's like trying to say God is made of anti-matter and quarks and therefore our Lord.

As for figures, there could've been even more obscure ones. What about that big, weird lookin furry white thing that chirped after Han shot at Greedo first?;) The little guy in the helmet that Chewie pushed down the stairs after being dragged into Jabba's palace? Or that twerp who shot a hole in Luke's new robot hand on Jabba's sail barge? As for the purple Imp. Dignitary, he made sense. The Emperor just looked so lonely in the lobby of the Imperial Shuttle all alone. THey make such a rad color/fashion coordination when you throw in the Royal Guard too. And General Nadine is the guy that got to bang Mon Mothma... good grief Matt:)

Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 09/11/2003 11:05 AM EST

Matt, a Farker needs your help in the thread on your Star Wars list:

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=646070
2003-09-11 09:41:13 AM revscat
"Many years ago, back before the .com boom, I came across a site that told how the REAL story of Star Wars centered around that power droid that you see getting its feed scorched in "Return of the Jedi." He's in all three of the first movies, and this page wound up proving how this little guy was actually the Messiah of the Star Wars universe.

It was pretty damn funny, and I've looked for it several times and haven't been able to find it. Anyone have any idea what I'm talking about?"

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 09/11/2003 01:05 PM EST

Damn, "Return of the Jedi" should have become 'Return of the Jedi' when I quoted the guy. When I grow up I promise to learn proper grammar.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 09/11/2003 01:08 PM EST

Matt, I checked back and someone answered with this:
"Gonk... the box, the legend"
http://www.blueharvest.net/gonk.shtml

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 09/11/2003 02:22 PM EST

To answer Krappy Kat, here are some of the things Ebert has said about SW: "I wonder, too, if Lucas could have come up with a more challenging philosophy behind the Force. As Kenobi explains it, it's basically just going with the flow. What if Lucas had pushed a little further, to include elements of non-violence or ideas about intergalactic conservation? (It's a waste of resources to blow up star systems.)"
And: " At the risk of offending devotees of the Force, I will say that the stories of the "Star Wars" movies have always been space operas, and that the importance of the movies comes from their energy, their sense of fun, their colorful inventions and their state-of-the-art special effects. I do not attend with the hope of gaining insights into human behavior. Unlike many movies, these are made to be looked at more than listened to, and George Lucas and his collaborators have filled "The Phantom Menace" with wonderful visuals."
Of the Rancor Keeper: " The monster in the dungeon, made of teeth and scales, is the embodiment of disgusting aggression, and yet its death provides one of the movie's finest moments. The creature is crushed beneath a heavy door, and then we see its keeper come forward, weeping to have lost his pet. It's a throwaway moment, but typical of the film's richness."

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 09/11/2003 05:34 PM EST

I agree about the Rancor Keeper; it's one of those in-between gray issues isn't it. Even though it ate that cute chick with the tentacles and almost ate Luke, somebody out there loved it and took care of it. Then a gate fell on its head; I hope he was at home in the palace cutting it up with a chainsaw like a dead horse, instead of drowning out his sorrows with Jabba when the sail barge went up. The figure was kind of cool because he was a beefier and more robust than the anorexic Hammerhead or Lando figures. That's gotta count for a little something.

And the Force shoulda stayed one of those far-out, supernatural things that just is and defies explanation by our mortal minds. THat was what made it so cool in the orig. series. The very idea that you take a blood test to see if you have it, means that there is a possibility that I'll never be able to use no matter how hard I try. What kind of message is that to children today? A BAD one, that's what! (next to the 'improved' SE ROTJ music scene this is my major 'new' Star Wars rant)

Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 09/11/2003 08:26 PM EST

I have some of the blue pringles right here if anyone would like to see em. They ARE rather unsettling, but obviously taste no different. Bought em, hm, a few weeks ago, still quite good. Pringles keep damn well.

Chestnuts roasted by GJ @ 09/11/2003 10:36 PM EST

I bet the "orangeness" will hurt my belly :(

Chestnuts roasted by Skeletor @ 09/15/2003 08:05 PM EST

See, just about anyone can have a first comment; just hang around this site till Matt posts. The real skill i sin the last comment. Wait a couple of weeks (or months), and when no one's looking, Bam! Then you've sucker-punched your way into immortality. Well, not really. But it sounded good.

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 09/25/2003 12:15 AM EST