Welcome to the X-Entertainment Blog

[Previous entry: "New Article: Gremlins Water Hatchers!"] [Main Index] [Next entry: "X-E's Halloween Season: 2003!"]

09/17/2003 Entry: "Top Eleven: Cobra's Elite!"

Jesus Christ, we're going batshit trying to get the Halloween design together. Or at least, I'm going batshit. I'm hoping and praying that it'll be up tonight. Meanwhile, check out the latest Top Eleven -- my picks for Cobra's top elite on the ol' G.I. Joe cartoon. Yeah, Storm Shadow probably should've been ranked higher. I hope he don't slice me up and shit. In between the Halloween designing, I'm trying to put together a movie review, so with any luck, we'll have that up right along with X-E's spooky start.

REPLIES: 36 comments

(Insert typical first post line)

Matt, did the copy of my Super Mario super show video reach you? My mailman said they had a bob scare at the distrabution center and a few packages got missplaced.

(Insert totaly true and witty coment on how cool the list, this site and Matt are.)

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 09/17/2003 05:37 PM EST

wasn't Zartan allergic to sunlight or something?

Chestnuts roasted by sharkie @ 09/17/2003 05:38 PM EST

Mango, not yet! :( Dammit!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 09/17/2003 05:41 PM EST

They had a Bob scare? A Bob at the post office? That is scary to me because I know what happens when Bobs are at the post office.

Chestnuts roasted by adfgdah @ 09/17/2003 06:08 PM EST

Bob scare.. someone walked into the post office and waved his hands going "MWAHAHAHA! IM BOB!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!" ...anyways.. I always thought storm shadow was the shit.. :3 gotta love them ninja's

Chestnuts roasted by Johnny @ 09/17/2003 06:57 PM EST

Matt, I did a quick search on Google to see what other Villains I might have put in the top 11 and damn it to all you got them all.

Of course Major Bludd is the man. His file card had poetry on the back.

"Early versions have: When you're feeling low and woozy/Slap a fersh clip in your Uzi/Assume the proper firing stance/And make the suckers jump and dance!

Later versions have: A mercenary's job is a heartless one/I'm a soldier for hire, like a pawn-shop gun/My ruthless tactics keep you on your toes/'Cause I fight 'em all, whether friends or foes!"

Check out the website http://www.yojoe.com/action/all/ and you can see all the action figures by when they were released and even check out their file cards.

It brought back memories and helped me solve a mystery that had plagued my since I was little. Who the heck was the broken one armed G.I.JOE in my drawer was? I just found out it was ZAP from the first collection. Now I can mourn his dismemberment correctly.

Chestnuts roasted by Yeti Hunter @ 09/17/2003 06:59 PM EST

You know, I'd have included the Tele-Vipers rather than the Crimson Guard, but that's just personal preference.

Damn, I missed the Flint vs. Baroness wave of the current GI Joe vs. Cobra line. And my Scarlett figure got chewed by the dog when it was to late to get Scarlett vs. Storm Shadow.

I have to say though, the B.A.T. Mark IIIs in the current line look pretty cool. They're even led by a cyborg named Overkill.(Who essentially looks like a B.A.T. crossed with Auron from Final Fantasy X)

All in all, a better top eleven list than ages past.(I still can't believe the 80s villains list left off that cyborg parrot pirate from Galaxy Rangers.)

Chestnuts roasted by Regault @ 09/17/2003 07:40 PM EST

I considered taking issue about Golobulus and Nemesis Enforcer after the movie shit all over basic GI Joe canon, (it was like being told Darth Vader was really a seven foot tall renegade Ewok or something) but remembered how cool the figure 3-pack was. "..made from a pile of dead things and has no soul" God those file cards read like poetry. Thought the Royal Guard at least merited a mention; after all, one of them managed to easily sling Snake Eyes by the ankle into a wall (to save bullets?).

The Crimson Guard was truly the height of fashion on either side; that's like the sharpest uniform I've ever seen in my life.

And Storm Shadow, the baddest ass of them all; he had the coolest weird accent of any cartoon, which I can't remember for the life of me how it sounded now

Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 09/17/2003 08:25 PM EST

Destro is indeed...DA MAN! I would have killed my Mom for one of those funky, cool silver masks.

Chestnuts roasted by Bigshow71 @ 09/17/2003 08:29 PM EST

A new silver battle helmet Cobra Commander is coming out next month...I'm excited.

"Military Armaments Research System," or MARS, was Destro's company in the comics. (Destro was actually a seperate faction altogether there--he merely worked alongside COBRA...sometimes.).

As I recently discovered, Zartan never had hair. That thing on his head? Not hair. It's a hood thingy, like his current figure has.

I like Wild Bill. I dunno why.

Chestnuts roasted by Onslaught Six @ 09/17/2003 08:33 PM EST

> I can't really remember how it worked, but the end result made Zarana look like the victim of
> domestic violence. Of course, she wasn't married, and didn't really have a boyfriend other
> than her brother. Plus, "domestic" usually indicates "at home," and I don't
>think Zarana had one of those, either.

Ha! Comedy gold. I had this figure, I think primarily for the skin-changing attribute (thank God my interest in colour change drew the line at hyper-colour t-shirts). Otherwise, I don't remember a damn thing about her character.

Tomax and Xamot still rule; no offense to the Baroness, whom I'd still like to ask 'round for drinks. Baroness? If you're reading this, call me! *makes annoying "call me" motions with hand*

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 09/17/2003 09:17 PM EST

I have been trying to warn people that Cobra is real, but nooo!
http://www.cobracares.com/media/

Pac-Man
http://www.studiocreations.com/images/dragoncon2003/pages/DSCN0481.html

Chestnuts roasted by Michael @ 09/17/2003 09:54 PM EST

Matt, you should do a Top 11 of just the various Cobra Vipers. Not just the goofy Tele-vipers, but there were so many more, with costumes (you can't honestly call them uniforms) so outlandish, only an insane blue-skinned scientist could have thought they would be excellent battle outfits. Napolean might as well, but he had nothing to do with Cobra.

Just thought I'd put in a call for the Vipers, the Red Shirts of GI Joe (minus the dramatic deaths because, you know, kids' show in the 80s).

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 09/17/2003 10:18 PM EST

i always thought that storm shadow's ninja enemy was just there to take the beating until the rest of cobra retreated and he had to follow...

Or wasn't his nemesis the indian guy with the hawk? Cuase they were always talkin about honor and shit...

Chestnuts roasted by hoobah @ 09/17/2003 11:08 PM EST

Hey, Matt, if you ever do a sequal list with the Top Eleven Good Guys from G.I. Joe, make sure to include William "The Fridge" Perry.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 09/17/2003 11:37 PM EST

Mango Bob, I'm glad I'm not the only one who remembers that about Zartan. The color changing in sunlight wasn't a good thing. He had a skin condition that caused him to turn blue and feel horrible pain when in direct sunlight. I only recall that being a big issue once in the cartoon though.

I always liked Major Bludd, but honestly couldn't tell you why.

Matt, if you'd read the comic I'm sure you would have included Firefly, who rounded out the Ninja Trio of Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow and himself. Basically SE was the good one, SS was the sort of good, sort of bad one, and Firefly was just all out evil. Plus he liked to blow shit up.

If I had billions of dollars, I'd hire hookers to dress like Baroness and...do things...

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 09/17/2003 11:38 PM EST

Of course! Meantime, you can read about the Fridge (and more about Zartan) here.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 09/17/2003 11:38 PM EST

Am I the only one who remembers the special giant Destro figure with the removable mask? I remember the commercial showing Duke kicking him off a cliff so hard that the mask fell off and landed near Duke's feet. And then they made a big deal about how you need to buy the figure to see what Destro really looks like.

And to this day I don't know the answer. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Gavok @ 09/18/2003 12:20 AM EST

Holy shit, Blog-Pumpkin. More.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (#2?) @ 09/18/2003 12:48 AM EST

i think i blew up all my gi joe figures... >_>

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 09/18/2003 01:46 AM EST

Speaking of GI Joe, has anyone seen these? They're hilarious.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/gijoe.html

http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/

Chestnuts roasted by MG @ 09/18/2003 02:35 AM EST

Gavok, I've seen Destro's true face. When you think about it, it can really only be one guy. I mean c'mon, got the hots for the Baroness, millionaire arms dealer, penchant for open shirts and big medallions, who else can it be? Click my name for the shocking answer!

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 09/18/2003 03:00 AM EST

Everyone in MYC looks like that, though...

Chestnuts roasted by Saf @ 09/18/2003 04:01 AM EST

Forgot all about Firefly! (what did his voice sound like?) Bad ass--Cobra's official Unabomber. He had a really snazzy figure too; grey and black redneck deerhunter's camo with machine gun. He deserved at least 8th or ninth; maybe it should be top 12 villains...

Chestnuts roasted by Krappy Kat @ 09/18/2003 10:26 AM EST

Gavok,my brother had that figure,and let me tell you...Destro was just a guy with a crew-cut,a scowl and a scar underneath that mask.

Anybody remember Road Pig? The Dreadnok who was so ugly his parents had to tie a piece of meat around his neck so the family dog could play with him,according to his file card? What I liked about him was his cinderblock-on-a-pole weapon he came with.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 09/18/2003 04:34 PM EST

Thanks for the closure, Overlord. Still, he sounds better than when they did the same thing with the Dr. Claw action figure.

Chestnuts roasted by Gavok @ 09/18/2003 07:40 PM EST

Now all you need is a G.I. Joe top elite and you're set. SNAKE EYES IS #1!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/19/2003 04:10 PM EST

You forgot to mention the very best thing about the original Destro figure is that he is a good 1/2" taller than the other figures for some reason.

I'll never understand you guys who were raised on the GI joe cartoon. I couldn't stand it because we followed the comic and the toon had more holes than Bonnie and Clyde's death car. Was there anyone on the Joe team that couldn't fly the F-16?

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 09/19/2003 05:23 PM EST

in england, gi joe (or action force, as it was strangely named) was never really a big deal.

most of the figures came out in a year when my mum said i was too old to play with toys, so i assume they were very delayed with coming out in england. which was a shame cos with all their weapons, they look like summat i woulda loved!

but were th cartoons like the A-team? where they fire 34524452352563 bullets,without ever shooting anyone? or did they use "stun rays"?

Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 09/21/2003 04:10 AM EST

Nikto: I'd like to think that, as "America's Highly Trained Special Missions Force" they were all trained on the F-14. On the other hand, you could rebut that if the Joes were so bloody well-trained, how come they were constantly missing everything they shot at except for Cobra vehicles and BATs?

Tin Man: The Joes used lasers, which as I've said earlier NEVER HIT ANYTHING except Cobra vehicles and BATs, and no matter how big and powerful the missile or laser cannon, they would always only inflict just enough damage to shoot down the chopper, plane or tank (or Trouble Bubble) so that the driver/pilot could easily bail out and hit the silk.

Chestnuts roasted by Kev @ 09/23/2003 01:14 AM EST

Now you know....And knowing is half the battle!

Yoooooooo Joe!

Chestnuts roasted by Kev @ 09/23/2003 01:14 AM EST

i do have to say that this top 11 list was severely flawed. your admitted lack of interest in gi joe as opposed to other toys/cartoons is apparent. i do agree with the destro and baroness rankings. one more cool thing about the baroness. if memory serves the action figure came with the largest machine gun. second only to roadblock's. now there's a woman. also, putting storm shadow 5! that's heresy. along with including the gi joe movie baddies, zarana (she wasn't that good), and forgetting major bludd!
better luck next time.

Chestnuts roasted by ben @ 09/25/2003 03:14 PM EST

You can also check out some helpful info about fixed mortgage rate fixed mortgage rate http://www.fixed-mortgage-rate-4u.info/ Credit Card Number Free Hacking Credit Card Number Free Hacking http://www.Credit-Card-Number-Free-Hacking-advisor.info/ Free Credit Report Without A Credit Card Free Credit Report Without A Credit Card http://www.Free-Credit-Report-Without-A-Credit-Card-consultant.info/ send flowers send flowers http://www.send-flower-leading-site.info/ finance company finance company http://www.finance-company-e-bank.info/ home loan mortgage second home loan mortgage second http://www.home-loan-mortgage-second-advisor.info/ apply card credit online apply card credit online http://www.apply-card-credit-online-4u.info/ card credit fixed rate card credit fixed rate http://www.card-credit-fixed-rate-e-bank.info/ sba loans sba loans http://www.sba-loans-ebanking.info/ cheap dvds cheap dvds http://www.cheap-dvds-top-shop.info/ ... Thanks!!!

Chestnuts roasted by matchmaking @ 11/04/2004 12:17 AM EST

Chestnuts roasted by matchmaking @ 11/04/2004 12:18 AM EST

Chestnuts roasted by matchmaking @ 11/04/2004 12:19 AM EST