The movie review I planned to have up today is going to take a bit longer -- it's a big ass one, and if I rush through it, it'll suck, so what's the point? Might try to sneak it up for the weekend, but if not, Monday the latest. Those starved for content should head over to the Halloween Countdown, as it's been updated early with a look at two different types of -- come on, guess -- sticky eyeballs!
Oh, remember a few weeks back when I mentioned all that expired food I found at the dollar store? Here's one of the treasures. You might recall these packages being mentioned in the Amazin' Fruit tribute, but obviously, I never thought I'd find 'em again. They're big, they're super, and they're fruit shaped...
Yep, "Amazin' Fruit Super Fruits," quite clearly marked as being from 1994. I gotta admit, I was way too excited to find ten-year-old gummy snacks, and I don't think the lady working the register appreciated my enthusiasm. I swear, I've been doing this whole "buying old food" thing for a while now, and I'm always amazed at how the storeowners and workers act as if you're committing a crime by purchasing what they've left out on the shelves in perfect view. I don't know if they smell a lawsuit or what, but goddamn -- if you don't want me to buy your half-full case of Amazin' Fruit Super Fruits, don't show the things to me. Seriously, am I supposed to willingly resist something like that? Especially for dollar store prices? More amazin' than the Amazin' Fruit itself was the fact that it hadn't gone at all stale -- they're legitimately a decade old, but they taste as sweet as yesterday.
All sorts of fruit flavors and all sorts of fruit shapes combine to form a king sized fat free ultramegasuper candy offering. These things don't match the charm of the original Amazin' Fruit's obscene teddy bears, but between you and me, I think these actually taste even better. And they thought it wasn't possible!
REPLIES: 53 comments
First, then. Aye. I feel special.
Chestnuts roasted by Saf @ 09/19/2003 08:46 PM EST
No, EYE feel special.
Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 09/19/2003 08:59 PM EST
You know, today is National Talk Like a Pirate day, so saying "eye" isn't too far off. Sure, it should be "aye", but it's close. And sticky eyes so cool it is okay to make puns of them, anyway!
Okay, maybe they aren't THAT cool, but they are at least interesting. You looked great in that last pic, Matt!
Chestnuts roasted by Paul Ortego @ 09/19/2003 09:16 PM EST
Don Knotts?
I keep forgeting it's tomorrow in New York before it's tomorrow in Arizona. HEY! I'm saying hello to the future! Hello, future! How are things? Is the world still here 6 hours from now?
OK, now eye think it's MY turn to hightail it outta here.
Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 09/19/2003 09:22 PM EST
Mmmmmm, Amazin' Fruit! I want some! Or should I say, EYE want some. Know what else EYE want? EYE want everEYEone to go check out mEYE new onlEYEne comic, "the Retarded Adventures of Megaman" at www.scotty2naughty.tk. Once there, just click on the "Cruiz Control" link to read mEYE latest comic. A new one goes up tomorrow. So go on bEYE there sometEYEme tomorrow for plentEYE of hilaritEYE!!!
Man, EYE'm funnEYE!
Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 09/19/2003 09:43 PM EST
You know what I want? I want two things.
First, I want matt to SHOW us the expiration date on those Amazin' Fruits. I won't believe it till I see it with my own two (eleven) eyes.
Second, I'd REALLY like the scotty2naughty guy to quit spamming the blog. We've seen it a hundred times now, okay? We get enough popups on this site. >_<
~fin~
Chestnuts roasted by freakachu @ 09/19/2003 10:05 PM EST
EYE YIY EYE! It's National "Talk Like A Pirate Day" YARRRRR MATEY.
Chestnuts roasted by Slade @ 09/19/2003 11:23 PM EST
Jesus. That last picture is creeping me out... Them's some creepy eyes.
Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 09/19/2003 11:42 PM EST
Hey Matt, has anyone ever told you you bear a resemblence to Rick Moranis?
Chestnuts roasted by AL @ 09/19/2003 11:51 PM EST
"eye" liked that review. I'm not suprised those gummies are still they have so many persavites in them.
Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 09/20/2003 12:58 AM EST
Aye, Eye enjoyed the review. I agree with the Don Knotts comment, and with the comment about the last photo being creepy. It's comical. ^^
Sticky eyes (the squishy ones) suck. We still have a 16 foot grease stain where a sticky eye was throw on a high wall. Stupid eye.
Chestnuts roasted by Melanie @ 09/20/2003 01:53 AM EST
A couple of things:
1. Matt you're insane, keep to eating good food (defined as less than 10yrs old).
2. Is this Halloween countdown going to be like the Advent Calendar? I still want to know what was behind the X-mas day door.
3. Why has there never been any MASK on this site?
Chestnuts roasted by TOP1215 @ 09/20/2003 02:31 AM EST
Matt already said this won't be like the advent calendar.
I quiver with anticipation.
Due to my last 7 or so Halloweens being dissapointing, Oct 31 is not my favorite date. But Matt makes it all fun again. Heck, I'm thinking of dressing up, even without a party to go to!
Chestnuts roasted by Phobetor Zero @ 09/20/2003 03:16 AM EST
Holy hell, Freezeair, I think youre onto something. Time travel IS possible, through the internet! Now for marketing..
Weird, I just bought a pack of Super Fruits at some random cornerstore a few weeks ago. I had a choice between Super Fruits and the classic (kind of) Amazin Fruit bears, but went with the shit in the yellow package. I figured eating grapes has to be better for you than eating bears. Even if they are made out of sugar.
Chestnuts roasted by Shave the Whales @ 09/20/2003 03:30 AM EST
As an afterthought, Scotty2Naughty does need to chill. This is one of the few places you can go without being spammed right in the face. Lets keep it that way please.
Chestnuts roasted by Shave the Whales @ 09/20/2003 03:38 AM EST
I think if Matt looks like anyone, it'd be Matrix [aka old Enzo] from ReBoot.
Take a look!
http://evinandahalf.com/other/matrix-matt.jpg
Well, minus the skin colour... And hair colour... And that weird eye thing Matrix has...
Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 09/20/2003 04:04 AM EST
I'm w/ the people on Scotty2naughty. If you want to advertise your website do like me and fill in the Homepage option when you make a comment.
P.S: Matt, for shame, no edible CHOCLATE eyeballs that come wrapped in tin foil decorated to look like an eye?.
Chestnuts roasted by Lumberjack Matt @ 09/20/2003 04:43 AM EST
man those are some clean eyebrows
Chestnuts roasted by dallasrap.com @ 09/20/2003 06:08 AM EST
Eye haven't read it yet, but im going to, im sure it will be funny. Eye can't beleive you ate 10 year old candy. you could get ill and lie there, so weak from shitting yourself that you'd be unable to type.
And then what would i look at between shifts?
Chestnuts roasted by Jimlad, of 'tin, RRRRRRRRRRRRRR @ 09/20/2003 06:47 AM EST
Those sticky eyes arn't that new. I had a package about five years ago. The best thing to do with them is to shove nails through them for haunted houses.
Daily Halloween Tip:
Don't go Trick Or Treating in a William Shatner mask. You might be confused for Michael Myers, get hit by a truck, and burst into a fireball. Just like in Halloween 2.
Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 09/20/2003 10:08 AM EST
Eating candy from 1994? Matt, be glad that stuff is 3/4 preservatives.
I went for one final walk on the Wildwood Boardwalk last night before my hours at the Acme are cut to hell and the boards shut down. I investigated some of the dollar stores in the hope of finding something weird, wild, or vaguely edible. No Amazin' Fruit (or even bears), but I did see some candy bars with promotions from, oh, three or four years ago on them.
Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 09/20/2003 11:01 AM EST
Actually, the "speaking to the future" thing is sort of an old in-joke from an online group I was in. A large portion of us were from somewhere in the States, and then there was this one girl from Australia... we always used to make jokes about her being from the future. ^^ But hey, if I can spread the joy, so be it!
Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 09/20/2003 12:06 PM EST
the Littles are on? shit
Together we can lick breast cancer? WTF
Chestnuts roasted by sdvaeb @ 09/20/2003 12:25 PM EST
Ohh,amazing fruit.I loved those cherries.Actually I noticed that they look a little familar...holy crap they're the same candies from the churches candy dispenser!They just put them in different packages!AHHH!!!
Actually I think I'll go over there and buy some.
Chestnuts roasted by Fhydra @ 09/20/2003 04:25 PM EST
I wish the dollar stores areound here were like yours matt. We never get anything old, due to the old folks home right next door. Them old people buy everything and anything.
Chestnuts roasted by the corinthian @ 09/20/2003 09:47 PM EST
Wait a second... why does it say this a post from the 19TH now?
Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 09/21/2003 12:15 AM EST
be thankful the dollar stores arent as crap as our english "pond shops".
Candle holders, tacky picture frames, cheap-ass candles, and packs of tiny envelopes, that's all you get down my way :(
Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 09/21/2003 03:55 AM EST
I don't know about you people but i get my amazin fruits from target
Chestnuts roasted by Dick @ 09/21/2003 08:14 AM EST
if you need to charge up anything that glows in the dark, the best source of light is your tv. the uv light it gives off makes things glow like crazy. (this tip includes glow in the dark squishy eyeballs, i have experience).
Chestnuts roasted by lucid riceball @ 09/21/2003 10:00 AM EST
i just saw mtv cribs just now. it had fieldy from korn's house, and he had a room with tons of glow in the dark stuff all over the place and fluorecsent lights that made it all glow, it was cool/tacky and good at the same time but weird and freaky too.
Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 09/21/2003 10:08 AM EST
Freezair--
Because it IS.
NOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, MATT!! You skipped a day!! >:(
Chestnuts roasted by freakachu @ 09/21/2003 10:23 AM EST
Dick: Don't you mean Tar-jay?? That's how ppl pronounce that around here.
Matt, I got popcorn balls. I'm gonna IM you sometime this week and maybe we can work out a deal....XD
Chestnuts roasted by Card Captor Loki @ 09/21/2003 01:29 PM EST
That last photo is a spot-on impression of Marty Feldman.
Chestnuts roasted by F-13 @ 09/21/2003 02:00 PM EST
Since Amazin' Fruit have reared their gummi heads once again on this site, I feel compelled to do this...
IT'S AMAZIN' FRUIT! YEAH!
IT'S OUR AMAZIN' FRUIT! YEAH!
IT'S AMAZIN' FRUIT! YEAH!
AMAAAAZIN' FRUIT!
There, now you'll all have that goddamned theme song stuck in your heads for the next three months. Why should I be the only one who feels the pain?
Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 09/21/2003 02:09 PM EST
Dulie noted. I'll stop whoring my comic, or at least cut down on it a lot. I only just started, which is why I'm looking for an audience.
Oh, and I'm NOT Scotty2Naughty. My name is A-wel Cruiz. S2N owns the site that hosts my comic.
Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 09/21/2003 06:48 PM EST
Yes, tar-jay. I am not nearly classy enough to pronounce it that way. At least not until they lift the ban from when i dropped my pants in the candy section.
Chestnuts roasted by Dick @ 09/21/2003 08:44 PM EST
F-13 rules! that is exactly what I thought. EYEgor was even his name in Young Frankenstein
Chestnuts roasted by candybar @ 09/21/2003 10:18 PM EST
I remember one time I went to Circle K, my friend was working so I ate lots of free hot dogs, sodas, candies, etc. and I found a package of Tangy Taffy from 1995, hidden underneath Laffy Taffy, even though they are from two different companies (Sunshine Brands and Wonka). I took the candy home, unwrapped it, but instead of being blue colored, it was a grayish purple. I microwaved it and ate it anyways, and nothing happened, it was really sweet though. Oh yea, here in Arizona its pronounced Target, not Tarjay, and I hate that store, I quit my job their 3 weeks ago because the managers are assholes.
Chestnuts roasted by Klorox2 @ 09/22/2003 03:13 AM EST
fuck maan! still no movie review! :(
Chestnuts roasted by 'tin man @ 09/22/2003 09:59 AM EST
Scotty2naughty guy--
That's why I called you scotty2naughty guy, instead of scotty2naughty. I'm much to lazy to remember how to spell the other one by the time I've gotten to the "add comments" box.
Chestnuts roasted by freakachu @ 09/22/2003 11:37 AM EST
Didn't anyone like Wonka bars? There's still several places around here that have them promoting the golden ticket contest from a couple years ago; I made the mistake of buying one thinking it had to be a new contest; instead I just got a bar of stale chocolate.
Chestnuts roasted by sillygolem @ 09/22/2003 03:14 PM EST
Let's review: Amazin' Fruit rules even after a decade; Spamming sucks; Halloween is fun. Sounds good.
Anybody planning a wild Halloweenie shindig in SoCal?
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 09/22/2003 04:00 PM EST
huh it said 21th instead of 21st now today is 22th, what is that? Twenty-twoth? Twenty-tooth?
Chestnuts roasted by hgd @ 09/22/2003 05:20 PM EST
Commenting on today's(The 22nd) article, scarily enough I once bought a box of Pokemon cereal as a collector's item.
I don't know. Maybe I'll show it to my kids one day. There's probably enough preservatives in there.
Chestnuts roasted by Regault @ 09/22/2003 05:54 PM EST
(this blog is on the 9-22-03 review) Are you going to review the kid cusine Halloween meal as one of the Halloween themed food?
Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 09/22/2003 07:52 PM EST
Is anyone else thinking that if you put all the things Matt reviewed so far in the same bowl, it would be the scariest thing ever?
Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 09/22/2003 08:37 PM EST
Great updates for the halloween spooooky countdown. I also lament the loss of halloween spirit. A lot of parents make their kids trick or treat on the closest weekend to halloween, during the daylight hours. What the fuck is up with that?
As for online comics, I think the 'Retarded Adventures of Toilet Duck Fan' would be much funnier.
Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 09/22/2003 08:55 PM EST
I don't know what to say. As far as I can tell, my Halloween is going to be yet another disappointing one. God I miss those days of getting tons of free candy (Who cares if it's shitty? It's free.) and eating it all within approximately the next 1-2 days.
Now that I go to a "Christian" University, all I hear about is how Halloween is "evil" and is "Satan's Day." God I hate "Christians." (But I do like real Christians who aren't a bunch of irrational fundamentalists).
Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/22/2003 09:41 PM EST
In response to kit's comment I know people take their kids out trick or treating in a mall!
Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 09/23/2003 12:11 AM EST
Liek 10 year old Amazin' Fruit, I conider this blog entry too old for human use. I claim the last post!
Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 09/26/2003 11:51 PM EST
Who said anything about class?? XD XD I think its just more evidence that I live around morons. Accursed Bay Area.
Chestnuts roasted by CardCaptor Loki @ 09/27/2003 07:53 PM EST
I used to work at a dollar store of sorts, and I can remember finding bags of gummy candies (not Amazin Fruit, sadly) that had really old expiration dates. And the same goes for movie themed cereal. I had to throw away an entire shelf of Star Wars cereal just because it was two years old. Seems like a waste to me..I'm sure it didn't taste that bad.
Chestnuts roasted by macks @ 10/02/2003 03:54 PM EST
dammit! my amazin fruits are not stale or 10 years old! its NEW amazinf fruit you bastards!
F-R-E-S-H !!!!!
Chestnuts roasted by dick @ 10/02/2003 06:24 PM EST
