11/10/2003 Entry: "The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade - 1984!"

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: 1984! Thirteen-page review, dozens of video clips, two pages full of commercial downloads, a look at every balloon and float, and yes...Florence Henderson interviewing Mary Lou Retton. Click click click click.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott C @ 11/10/2003 11:29 PM EST

nice site matt... all locked up and everything... I kid I kid. But yeah... the site is locked up... I can't view the videos anymore. Totally understandable with all the server stress you are putting it through right now. You are awesome to do this for us though. I am forever in your debt. And by forever, i mean... until I can donate a little something something through paypal.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 11/11/2003 12:07 AM EST

Matt,
Either someone started paying you very well, or you have become very bored.

Great article though! Thanks for all the fun downloads :]

Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 11/11/2003 12:15 AM EST

Awesome piece Matt. That coming from a European reader who's knowledge of the parade consists of only 'that one time in friends when they all went to see underdog fly off but forgot to take the key to the appartment', it's quite a compliment. I suppose anyone familiar with the actual parade gets a whole other kind of kick from reading the article, but still, I loved it...

Except that menudo part... You kind of caught me off guard with that one.
Maybe they weren't actually scheduled to perform. At the end of the clip, all these people suddenly gather around, likely (hopefully) waiting for the camera's to turn away so they can pull out the shotguns from under their trenchcoats...

Anyway, great stuff, the hype was totally justified, can't wait to see what 1986 brings.

Chestnuts roasted by David @ 11/11/2003 12:17 AM EST

Sweet fucking Jesus, how much meth did you do to crank out that long assed thing? Good job. At first I didn't want to read it because I really don't care about parades, and by the end I didn't want it to end. Only way it could be cooler is if you posted porno randomly through the pages. Actually, every site would be cooler if they posted randomly through their articles, come to think of it.

You need to post porn randomly through your articles, Matt. I mean seriously, man....

Chestnuts roasted by Dork @ 11/11/2003 12:42 AM EST

Oh. My. God. I told myself I wasn't going to sit here and read the whole damn thing at once. I was going to try to savor it over several sittings. Here I am over an hour later. I sit in awe. Scooby Doo breakdancing and dancing like Michael Jackson before his sex and color change-priceless. I have to admit that if no one had said anything, I would have no idea that there was something named "Snake" on the What A Feeling float. I still have no clue what the hell it was. The article is inspiring but it is the commercials that always bring back fond memories. Memories of making fun of the dumb-ass with the Lurky doll in the Rainbow Brite commercial. Even at 11 years old (which I was in '84) I thought it frigging impossible to make a grouchy bastard like that say, "Wow" because some freaky gay pride doll had a purple star and an walking white manure maker. I think this just might be one of the best articles I have seen on here. And there's more to come! There just might be sainthood in Matt's future.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 11/11/2003 12:49 AM EST

First time poster here, I just had to chime in and say great job Matt. I have enjoyed your articles for a while now, and I must say that you have outdone yourself this time. Keep up the great work.

Chestnuts roasted by Cadillacjoe @ 11/11/2003 12:52 AM EST

... owwwww... it hurts...

That was parade overload. Good work. :P

I had a pillow case with the get Along Gang on it, though I never saw the show. Now my dog sleeps on the pillow case. Hm. Money value = none.

Gotta say, though, I sorta got lost during the Soleil Moon Frye story. :P

Chestnuts roasted by Melanie @ 11/11/2003 12:55 AM EST

That's okay Mel, I think I got lost writing that part. :o

Anyway, hope everyone got a kick out of it. The '86 parade will probably cater better to X-E readers, and the '89 parade is way up there, too.

This was a daunting article, but now that I know what it's like to put together something that large, I'll have a better idea of how to negotiate everything for the next parade.

I can't imagine getting more than two additional parade reviews done in November, at least not without dropping virtually everything else and doing no other articles. That won't happen, so I think this project will go well into December.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/11/2003 01:00 AM EST

Is that Sloth of "Goonies" fame to Bryant Gumbel's right in that first picture of him? I swear to God it is!

Chestnuts roasted by Rein-o @ 11/11/2003 01:08 AM EST

Holy cow, that article is huge!

Matt, you mentioned a Donald Duck TV special on the balloons page. You wouldn't happen to be talking about "Down and Out With Donald Duck," would you? It was an hour long special that spliced together a plethora of Donald Duck shorts to make a storyline about his depression and eventual descent into madness. At the end, Donald gets his career back and a parody of the Huey Lewis song "I Want a New Drug" called "I Want a New Duck" plays over the credits.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronKrusha @ 11/11/2003 01:17 AM EST

If you wouldn't have presented that 1984 parade in a matt POV I would have never seen it since I was 10 months old when it aired. I can't believe a boy band stunk up the parade like they do now. Now a days the parades are lame I don't even know who or what half the things are now. The only thing I like is the pikachu balloon and the time the cast of Scrubs was on. Too bad they got rid of the Bart Simpson balloon. Rub-a-dub doggie was revived back in around the early 90s by TYCO. I agree Matt I miss the old Geoffrey too. I met him at the opening of a Kids R US. So I have a special place for him in my heart j/k. I always wanted a Chipmunk plushie, but all I got was the figures :( I hate the "New" rainbow brite suff they sell at hot toipc I agree with you Matt you are right. I have no idea how I got my hands on some CPK figures from 1984 but I did I think my mom bought them on clearance :/ My christmas 1984 Globug, CPK wall decoraton, Fakie Dolly Pops, and various baby toys.

P.S. I'm no candy raver, just a nostalgia buff :P

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 11/11/2003 01:21 AM EST

matt im making my way through this article and i gotta say man we really appreciate it i mean its obvious you went through a whole lot to put this one togather. i think a round of applause is needed and muchos paypal donations. anyway thanks for keeping up the quality of this awesome site.

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 11/11/2003 01:24 AM EST

Baron: no, it's actually a live-action big deal TV special that aired (I believe) in 1984. I know I saw it, but I think my memory of it is mixed with some other Disney TV specials. If it isn't, I firmly remember really fucked up shit going on within. There was a Lionel Richie performance, and as he's singing to the camera from the confines of Disney World, he's folding up this piece of paper smaller and smaller until the song ends and it's about half an inch big. He holds it up to the camera and we're supposed to cheer for it.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/11/2003 01:25 AM EST

i was LITERALLY being born (same day, same time) while cliff was singing some fruity-ass song about being thankful for whales.

i've rarely been prouder.

Chestnuts roasted by mikey @ 11/11/2003 01:29 AM EST

DANG! Talk about nostalgia overload, and this is just the beginning. I had forgotten how much I looked forward to the Macy's parades as a kid until I dove into this article. Great work, just one more big reason why this is the best site on the net.

Chestnuts roasted by Goggles Pizano @ 11/11/2003 01:36 AM EST

Thank you Matt, for all this awesome content! I forgot to say that in my last post. Perhaps I should make amends by using Paypal.

Lionel Richie and the Duck joining forces? Only in the 80s...

Chestnuts roasted by BaronKrusha @ 11/11/2003 01:45 AM EST

one day Matt's car broke at a grocery store.

Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 11/11/2003 01:57 AM EST

I very rarely post here, but I had to stop in and say this was the best article ever. The Cabbage Patch Kids dance number was unholy, and Menudo just left my jaw hanging. Wow. Thank you, Matt. Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by Kodo @ 11/11/2003 02:09 AM EST

Seeing that Ronald McDonald Christmas commercial got me thinking. Matt, there's one commercial that needs to be mentioned somehow on this site. In a review, in passing, whatever. What commercial am I talking about?

"Seasons greetings in our souls!"
"Yummy Fruity Pebbles in our bowls!"
"Uh oh, here comes you know who!"
"Yabba dabba fruitylicious doo!"
"Ho ho ho! I'm hu-hu-hungry!"
"Santa?"
"Barney?! My Pebbles!"
"Tis the season for sharing, Fred."
"Here you go, Barn."
"Merry Christmas, Fred."
"La la la la! La la! La! Laaa!"
"Ho ho ho!"

I can't believe I remember so much of that by heart.

Chestnuts roasted by Gavok @ 11/11/2003 02:11 AM EST

Gavok, I've got it, and it's absolutely on deck for December. Along with Christmas Crunch, from the Cap'n to you!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/11/2003 02:12 AM EST

Wow. That Care Bears number almost made me sterile, but the What a Feeling video made up for it. Did you hear the crowd when Irene Cara busted out her hit tune? The were going apeshit, it took Scooby breakdancing to equal that ovation.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 11/11/2003 02:15 AM EST

Purple Puckering Woman looks like joan rivers!!!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 11/11/2003 02:37 AM EST

heh..i had to say that when i saw it...now that ive gone through the whole thing...and lived...i can comment some more.

Robert Vaughn was on the last season of The A-Team, and in several movies which I don't recall.
That review was so long and had so many great parts, but there were a few times that i wanted to shoot myself. Like watching the menudo performance...

<---(X_X)---<< Arr0wed!!

I think i used to have that stompers truck set thingy too. But it was probably from a garage sale since I was born in 84 and would have been too young for it then.

So you are doing a review on every years parade then??
This should be awesome!!
I cant wait!!

PAT SAJAK I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 11/11/2003 03:15 AM EST

I'm definitely reviewing two more; as for the rest, that really depends on the response this one gets over the next week. They're a bitch and a half to put together.

Though, the '86 and definitely the '89 editions will probably be more fun to write than this one -- in this one, there wasn't much to add to a lot of the clips. There's plenty to add to the others. :)

They seemed like a good idea also because there's just no information on these old parades anywhere on the web. Trust me, I've searched!

The '89 parade probably beats out the others in terms of the sheer amount of insanity, but the '86 has one float of particular interest that I can't wait to tackle.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/11/2003 03:23 AM EST

Matt just to let you know the 2nd toys r us commercial doesn't work and redirects you to the font page.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 11/11/2003 04:24 AM EST

Late eighties insanity!! Now that's what I'm talkin about!!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 11/11/2003 04:35 AM EST

And to think, this was all happening when I was about 2 years old...

Oh, and Matt: I too had one of the Alvin and the Chipmunks Dolls. I only managed to snag Alvin...never could get Simon or Theodore...

THough I DID get a Superman-like outfit for Alvin to wear. ^^

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Waters @ 11/11/2003 04:51 AM EST

Ah, good work, but there's just too much for me to see before I go to bed, still, you can never have too many pictures of the Garfield balloon.

I remember the Donald Duck anniversary special vaguely, at least the chorus to one of the songs:

Happy Birthday!
It's Donald's birthday.
Happy, happy,
Birthday to you!
It's Donald!

Well, that's about all I remember. It would be kind of moot for Disney to show that special again, considering it's almost Donald's 70th birthday.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 11/11/2003 05:16 AM EST

well Matt this may well be your "Dark Side Of The Moon"

Chestnuts roasted by saint matthew @ 11/11/2003 08:43 AM EST

Great article!!

I swear by all that is good and holy, we had a set of those plastic turtle chairs and table. We also had a few Chipmunk figurines floating around.

Did you know that the Cabbage Patch Kids had their own cartoon Christmas special? If you thought the dance number was insane...I got it by accident in a "My Little Pony: the Movie" box at the used bookstore. I think the feeling I got when I popped it into the VCR was the same feeling that that woman got when she watched "The Ring" tape for the first time.

Chestnuts roasted by Jess @ 11/11/2003 08:54 AM EST

Matt--

Great job on the article. I can remember watching that parade, back when I was a tyke of six or so. Thanks for everything you do on the site--my girlfriend's just 20, and has no appreciation of 80's toys, so your site's my only fix.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 11/11/2003 09:39 AM EST

Why is Thanksgiving so boring in Canada? :( Not fair. I guess deep in my heart, I must be American, because I'm green with envy.

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 11/11/2003 09:40 AM EST

Un-frigin-believable. KUDOS and a STANDING OVATION. I REMEMBER SEEING THIS THING!!! I remember Sam in his cowboy hat on a turtle! I remember Joey Lawrence being the luckiest over priveledged child in the world. And worst of all, I now remember Menudo. They are burned into my psyche. Damn, no sleep for Nate tonight. I had forgotten just how bad Mexican choreography was. But now I have the urge to wear a flannel shirt tucked into my cuffed jeans with a bright orange lumbar support belt to bring the ensembe together. I used to watch the Macy's Parade every year during the eighties, mostly because you could see Saturday morning cartoon characters breaking union code and working on a Thursday. Regardless, again I seem to be stunned by Matt's brilliance. Keep the shlock and the kitsch coming. You da man.

Chestnuts roasted by nate_omega @ 11/11/2003 10:01 AM EST

Thank you, Matt. Now I don't have to watch this year's upcoming Macy's Crapfest.

When you do 1986, do me a favor and look out for Bellevue East High School's marching band. That's the school I graduated from (in '87) and they got to be in the parade that year.

Chestnuts roasted by Kookie @ 11/11/2003 10:10 AM EST

Hilarious! Thanks Matt! I'm still laughing over John Ratzenberger.

Chestnuts roasted by Avery @ 11/11/2003 10:37 AM EST

Dude, awesome article! Pretty sad that I can actually remember that crap tho. Not to mention, I can actually remember the tv station too. Binghamton, eh? No wonder you have too much time on your hands.
-smooches-
G.

Chestnuts roasted by Moi @ 11/11/2003 11:15 AM EST

WOW.

What a trip down memory lane. I remember watching this with my parents. My birthday is in December and I can remember watching Strawberry Shortcake on her float and begging, absolutely begging, my parents for a Strawberry Shortcake birthday cake that year. I did get the cake, which weridly enough, came with a Strawberry Shortcake toothbrush. I wish I still had it!

Chestnuts roasted by Lauren @ 11/11/2003 11:20 AM EST

I am hoping that either the '86 or '89 parades had the "Masters of the Universe" float in it, because that is the one memory of the old school parade that sticks out in my head the most. I remember as a 10 year old, being awestruck by that thing.

Chestnuts roasted by RyboFlavin @ 11/11/2003 11:28 AM EST

I usually hate parades like these,for some reason as a kid I didn't like sitting thruough all of the boring musical numbers but....WOW....
I actually teared up seeing the McD's commercial with the ice skating boy,and the whole Cliff from Cheers "singing" incident made this an awesome experience alone...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Mr. Matt Sir

I do have some thoughts,was the Get Along Gang a series on CBS and perhaps the denial of any type of signifigant air time???

And the Gi Joe + He-Man spots were just frickin' awesome....I am so wanting to donate to the cause,I want to at least donate something even though I'm broke as a joke....if everyone that read these could just pitch in .50 I'm sure it would help greatly....

Irate Nate

Chestnuts roasted by Irate Nate @ 11/11/2003 11:28 AM EST

Matt - Danny Cooksey also went on to play Budnick on "Salute Your Shorts" and voice Montana Max on "Tiny Toon Adventures".

That leads to a question I've also wanted to ask you - did you ever watch Nickelodeon as a kid?

I'd love to see an article devoted to obscure Nickelodeon shows.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 11/11/2003 12:15 PM EST

Matt, lemme just say that you are now officially my hero. I bow down to you. If this is any indication of what we're gonna see from '86 and '89, we're in for one hell of a month.

Congrats, again, and can't wait for '86.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 11/11/2003 12:31 PM EST

"Dom's a fucker."

Matt, I couldn't of said it any better myself. Dom, you are a FUCKER!

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 11/11/2003 01:00 PM EST

Another great trip back. Thanks, Matt. :) I'll respond with moneys once I've distanced myself a bit more from the poverty line.

Funny thing about the Snake Mountain commercial: correct me if I'm wrong, but don't they usually do bad things to the good guys when they advertise the bad guy stuff in these commercials? He-Man and friends got off scott-free, save for maybe Orko, who probably shit himself off-camera.

Speaking of He-Man, I remember a parade or two having floats with him... I think one was he and She-Ra.

And I remember Robo-Force. I had the leader guy. Funny they did something else entirely with that name recently with that Action Man-type show. Robo-Force needs an article on the main figures, though... or at least the comic. I'm sure it came with a comic.

And the Garfield stuff was great.

Scooby-Doo: biggest disappointment was that I was expecting him to do a breakdancing spinaroonie-type move. Or would that be "spinadoobie"? *dodges bricks*

One thing bugs me. I seem to remember one year there being a TransFormers something-or-other, put together rather poorly(or maybe the typical quality, your choice), and something with Mario another year. Or am I imagining these?

Btw, as for doing more than two articles, going past Thanksgiving... you could always save some for next year, maybe even the year after. Such trips should be an event, no need to rush them all together. :)

And finally... I'm eager to read about the Sonic balloon deflating onto the crowd, or whatever happened. Can't recall, honestly, except for hearing about it being cursed. Sorta like Superman.

LBD "Nytetrayn"

Chestnuts roasted by LBD "Nytetrayn" @ 11/11/2003 01:10 PM EST

You know, my brother still flys into a frothing rage whenever The Get-Along Gang is mentioned. He blames if for his deep-seated misogyny.

Mainly due to the fact that, by the logic of the series, a girl who just started track yesterday could beat Carl Lewis, just because she's a girl.

You know, when you look at it, its amazing how many old kids cartoons were made to sell greetings cards instead of action figures. I'm pretty sure Shirt Tales were more a staple of Hallmark than Toys R Us.

Sadly enough, as soon as Matt mentioned the Care Bears float, the song started going through my head. It used to be the theme song for the premovie seasons of Care Bears, and it was always catchy enough to remember.

"Don't wanna be a cook or a fireman, don't wanna play trombone in a marching band! I just wanna be a Care Bear, like you!"

Oh, and I saw that Rainbow Brite video when it first came out. I was a huge closet Rainbow Brite fan. Until I hit puberty and started staring at anything with breasts, my parents were deeply worried as to my sexual orientation.

That said, a lot of the girl cartoons of the time had more violence and action than the boy cartoons of nowadays. Stupid CTA.

You need to do a review of the Care Bears Movie. Any of the three, actually.

Chestnuts roasted by Regault @ 11/11/2003 01:10 PM EST

...oh, and I'd like to second Chris' notion of an article on obscure Nick shows.

LBD "Nytetrayn"

Chestnuts roasted by LBD "Nytetrayn" @ 11/11/2003 01:11 PM EST

HOLY COW, I'm used to reading long articles/stories (just got finnished w/ the complete history of el goonish shive, user friendly, and 8-bit theatre) but that was mentally exhausting! and then 40 some posts on the log to try to read through, I gave up at number 3. It was worth it though, I have to say, I loved seeing the comercials (expecially the stompers, I wanted one so so so so badly when I was a kid) but more than that I loved the coments on the parade! you have achieved perfection yet again. The worst wich, and nads are still my favorites though. as usual, no point, just rambling, oh well.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 11/11/2003 01:29 PM EST

awesome article matt. gosh... i have to go to the parade this year... my first time going and this article is actually getting me excited for it. i was dreading it... now i am still dreading it but not as much, :).

and LBD "Nytrayn", i thought it was a dr. suess balloon that hit like a light post or something. i think it happened in the mid 90's. i could b wrong... not sure though.

anyways... i cannot wait to c what else you have in store for all of us!!

Chestnuts roasted by jessica_76 @ 11/11/2003 01:41 PM EST

Matt,
I have to say that was well worth the wait and what a wonderful way to kick off the holiday season!!! I'm convinced also that every toy I owned as a kid came out in 1984, as just looking through the commericals you added as a bonus...I had almost every freakin' one!!! I also loved the video clips. I used to correspond with the guy who worked Junior Gorg on the Fraggle Rock float for several years until he turned out to be a jerk. But what a great nostalgia trip! Thank you so much for the time and effort, Matt...and may I ask..where the HELL did you find a copy of this?? Best wishes from the resident Tim Curry fan, Melissa Y.

Chestnuts roasted by MelissaY @ 11/11/2003 02:02 PM EST

Forgot to mention this, but ya'll gotta see the Scooby-Doo segment. It's worth it just to see Scoob bust a move on us.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 11/11/2003 02:06 PM EST

WHY CLIFF? WHY?! I can only hope that either the '86 or '89 parade includes Scooby 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Chestnuts roasted by Stevie G The Dance Machine @ 11/11/2003 03:38 PM EST

Thanks for all the great comments, guys...good to see that this was worth the trouble.

Now that '84 is up, I can see where improvements can be made, so '86 should topple this one in a big way. And how. :) The audio is off only on the 84 video, so for future parades, it'll be fine on the clips.

We're definitely on track for lots of fun over these next two months. Molto grazie for the support -- believe me, I wouldn't put that kind of effort into an article without it!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/11/2003 03:48 PM EST

Surreal.

Great job. What an undertaking.

I feel pretty old reading about all of the people here who were born in '84. I was nine. Jeez, I'm ancient.

I wanted to ask - does Bryant Gumbel say "Happy Birthday" during the Joey Lawrence/Santa Calus debacle? I swear I heard him say that.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 11/11/2003 04:02 PM EST

*rolling over in grave*

Chestnuts roasted by George Burns @ 11/11/2003 04:33 PM EST

God bless your heart, Matt. You truly are the king of kings. I have been so upset over this year's intentional jumping over of Thanksgiving straight into Christmas. I mean, when I cross the picket lines at the grocery store, every box, can, and tube is riddled with Christmas spirit. Now, I'm no Scrooge, but this is too much. I'm thankful this year for you, Matt. For bringing back the Thanksgiving spirit. I'm totally excited for it now, and I haven't been able to say that in years.

Chestnuts roasted by T. Naks @ 11/11/2003 04:44 PM EST

Holy crap, I actually remembered watching Joey Lawrence and that stupid clown back when this was first on the air. :p

Little punk made more money at that age than I will probably ever see, and thanks to the Magical Hobo, gets to make time with Santa? STUPID JOEY LAWRENCE!
*cough*

I remember back when we used to watch the parade, but stopped around the mid-90s due to it just losing something. :/

Oh yeah, to a previous poster, both the Get-a-long Gang and Shirt Tales had a cartoon series, I know for a fact Get-a-long Gang was on CBS, but I think the other was on ABC.

Chestnuts roasted by Lynx @ 11/11/2003 05:38 PM EST

Whoa. Intense.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 11/11/2003 06:11 PM EST

Woah... that's one FREAKIN' HUGE article. Is this the big one you've been talking about, Matt? I hope so... 'cause if it isn't, that big one is gonna be large enough to do a book report on!

I haven't read it yet, but it looks awesome. Go Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Paul Ortego @ 11/11/2003 06:26 PM EST

Amazing job, Matt. The article kicks major ass.

After seeing that Care Bear float, though, I'm scarred for life...

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 11/11/2003 06:54 PM EST

Wait a sec -- was the Soleil Moon Frye marriage thing a joke? Because while she did go to a NY college briefly (according to her IMDB.com bio), she would have been, like, 16 when you were in sixth grade, Matt...

If it *was* a joke, then I am just an idiot.

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 11/11/2003 06:55 PM EST

wow matt, you really outdid yourself this time. fantastic article, and the promise of more? you truly are a god among men. I'm thinking about applying for a credit card now, just so I'd be able to donate and feel good that I helped out during this, the holiday season and all.
kudos and thanks for all the hard work! it is certainly appreciated.

Chestnuts roasted by candice @ 11/11/2003 07:20 PM EST

Holy crap, apparently Punky Brewster used to be stacked. Crazy.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 11/11/2003 07:24 PM EST

Wow...I haven't even begun to look at that article... BUT on another note, MATT! Have you ever seen The Toxic Avenger? it's great!

Chestnuts roasted by dethstryke @ 11/11/2003 07:37 PM EST

Wow, oh wow. Matt, you have outdone yourself this time. You've single-handly prevented me from doing anything even remotely productive this afternoon once I ran across this new article. Never did I think I'd ever become excited at the prospect of reading 16 pages about Bryant Gumbel's urge to pee or Tim Conway dancing with giant mutant Cabbage Patch Kids...:D
Well done!

*applauds*

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosKitty @ 11/11/2003 07:43 PM EST

Dear god that was awesome, but that sped up Raggety Ann test flight may give me nightmares for weeks.

Chestnuts roasted by Loneman1 @ 11/11/2003 08:00 PM EST

Cool beans. I was probably 10 and remember watching this parade distincly. However, I usually thought they were boring and probably watched it because nothing else was on and it had that holiday spirit about it. I also remember every single commercial you put up except maybe one of the girly commercials which I tended to tune out. Is it just me or does all the audio lag behind a couple seconds?

Chestnuts roasted by Megaboy X @ 11/11/2003 08:02 PM EST

Hooray! Matt truly is the king of kings.

Jesus is rolling in his grave.

Chestnuts roasted by slemtrarg @ 11/11/2003 08:16 PM EST

simplay AMAZING

Chestnuts roasted by Jared @ 11/11/2003 08:42 PM EST

Matt, Matt, Matt, let me add my praise to the pile forming at your feet. This is the single best article you've ever done. It manages to encompass almost everything your site is about: holidays, nostalgia, fringe celebrities, fanfare, the surreal meeting the sublime meeting the dull, old commercials, fast food, toys, comics, and cartoons. And I've enjoyed reading everyone's comments almost as much as I enjoyed the article.

I'm old enough to have seen this particular parade, but I doubt I did. We went to my grandma's house in New York state for a Thanksgiving family reunion and likely left too early in the morning to catch it. I remember Thanksgiving 1984 for three reasons - my now 19-year-old sister was born a few weeks before and was a cranky pain throughout the holiday, Grandma introduced us to her kick-ass Atari (probably the first home video game system we ever played - my family wouldn't buy a system of its own until the debut of Nintendo), and Dad ate an entire chocolate cream pie in less than ten minutes. He got so sick on it he refuses to look at chocolate cream pies to this day.

Damn, like I haven't been feeling nostalgic enough recently, here's half my childhood staring right at me. My sisters and I were crazy about He-Man, Disney, Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, the Care Bears, Scooby Doo, and the Cabbage Patch Kid. Come to think of it, I believe 1984 was the memorable year my mom had to ask my aunt to buy my other sister and I Cabbies from where she lived in Virginia because they were long gone from southern New Jersey. I still have Carrie, my Cabbie. I can't bring myself to get rid of her after everything Mom went through.

A few notes - Matt, I'm a big fan of "Night Court" myself. It used to run on A&E, which is how I first caught it, but I don't think anyone shows it these days. I'd suggest it to Nick-at-Nite, but I'm still upset over how they treated "Perfect Strangers."

I'm also a fan of "Cheers," so the appearance of John Ratzenburger was...how should I put this...interesting.

"Purple Puckering Lady" was Sour Grapes, the Peculiar Purple Pie Man's female accomplice. Incidentally, I agree with the poster who said she looks like Joan Rivers.

The fat bear-like thing running around the Rose Petal Place float was a friendly porcupine whose name escapes me now. This was one of several 80s girls' lines we had more the accesories for than the dolls themselves. We only had one Rose Petal doll, the business-like and prim Dafodil, but we had countless books and cassettes.

It's interesting that Rainbow Brite should appear in this parade only a few weeks after the birth of my sister. Four years after this, my youngest sis would become a HUGE Rainbow Brite fan. My other sibling and I liked it, too, but she went whole hog. She had a Rainbow Brite doll, nightgown, T-shirt, books, and countless of the little fuzzy guys known as sprites. I think she's still a closet fan. I bought her one of the Rainbow Brite Hot-Topics t-shirts for Christmas a few years ago, and she was thrilled.

I always pitied boys as a kid. It didn't seem fair. Few people complained when a girl played He-Man (I wanted Snake Mountain badly - it would have gone nicely with my purple panther and Battle-Armor Skeletor), but guys got made fun of for playing Rainbow Brite. Their options seemed so limited.

I'm a huge fans of parades on any holiday and probably saw the '86 and certainly saw the '89 editions, so I'm looking forward to your next instalments!

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 11/11/2003 09:24 PM EST

Another question, something that has bothered me for a long time. Some ads on the site make my Taskbar disappear, and it came to head while trying to view the Macy's article. Can someone tell me how to fix this problem?

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 11/11/2003 10:11 PM EST

You can probably catch something about the parade accidents on tv as the time draws near for the parade. I remember catching one last year, I think on one of the Discovery networks.
I remember the He-Man and She-Ra float too. I am pretty sure it was the same float with one half his and the other half hers and they all band together for a battle...
Matt-you should get a PO box so that those of us who'd like to could send you $$ the old fashioned way. My better half wouls have me sleeping on the sofa for a week if I used our PayPal account to send money to X-E. But if I sent a money order...
BTW, it is X-E's fault I am drinking Orange Tanger-(not so)green right now. The store had a sale but I'd never even think of buying it if not for X-E. They should be paying you because this site works better than that subliminal BS.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 11/11/2003 10:52 PM EST

Sweet Lord. I haven't chipped in to X-E since the days of the Mystery Box (which I never did receive, though I don't think that's Matt's fault; it was my bad for using my buddy's address for shipping, as I think his then-fiancee just didn't realize "Andrew" was the same person as her guy's best friend Drew [tough concept, right?] and probably shipped it back, thinkin' it was a big ol' box of 'thrax or something. Damn.), but I gotta say, that latest article is making me seriously consider dipping back into the old wallet. Hmmm... new car payments, but still live with parents (yes, I know... let the laughter commence) with only $100/month rent; yeah, guess I could probably swing a small donation. What the heck, it's Christmas. Almost. Sorta. Close enough.

-D

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 11/12/2003 12:04 AM EST

Matt, I can only hope we get to see the afformentioned He-Man & She-Ra float in one of your next reviews. I've been waiting almost 20 years to see that thing...and here is my dramatic story: I'm not sure if the year was '85 or '86, but in an issue of Masters of the Universe Magazine from that year there was a story about He-Man's upcoming particpation in the parade, complete with a pull-out poster featuring an illustration of the float that was to debut. I was counting down the days to when i'd get to see He-Man live on TV, not the normal cartoon He-Man I got to see every day, mind you, this was going to be the "real" human He-Man! Anyway, mere days before Thanksgiving, something bad happened to our TV. So instead of seeing the He-Man float in living color, I was stuck trying to make out the picture on a tiny, fuzzy, black & white screen while our normal TV was in the shop, and I never got to see the much anticipated He-Man float in all its glory...or maybe I did get to see it the following year and just didn't care because I was already out of my He-Man phase by then...either way, I'd like to see it again.

Chestnuts roasted by Goggles Pizano @ 11/12/2003 01:02 AM EST

I didn't get to see the cliff thing cause my computer sucks.

Woe is me.

Chestnuts roasted by PoGo Version 2.0 @ 11/12/2003 01:02 AM EST

By the way, if anybody cares, that's tennis legend Jimmy Conners in the McDonalds ad.

Chestnuts roasted by Goggles Pizano @ 11/12/2003 01:16 AM EST

Goggles, I think your dream is about to come true.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/12/2003 01:17 AM EST

Hmm... come to think of it, I was probably doing math in Mme. Mollica's grade 4 class at Edgewater elementary school by the time John Ratzenberger started "singing".

The thing that sucked about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I was a kid was that American Thanksgiving is just a normal Thursday in Canada, so I only got to see the parades when I was sick, or, often, "sick".

STUPID THINGS ONLY PEDANTIC GEEKS NOTICE:

Hey, wait a minute! This is 1984. Garfield's eyes are only beginning to morph from perfect spheres to egg-shapes, yet the balloon appears to be of Garfield when his eyes were at the peak of their eggishness, like from circa 1991. Did PAWS, Inc. send a Garfield & Friends-era Garfield balloon back a decade or so by accident?

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 11/12/2003 04:36 AM EST

Avner is probably best known for his endearing portrayal of The Jewel, the scene-stealing holy man, in "The Jewel of the Nile," co-starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. He was also featured in the film "Brenda Starr" and has been seen on television on "Webster" and "Mathnet."

http://www.avnertheeccentric.com/
http://us.imdb.com/name/nm0251970

Chestnuts roasted by packratshow @ 11/12/2003 10:48 AM EST

I also went to Disney world, for the only time, in 1984 and caught the Donald Duck Birthday Parade.

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Happy
Donald Duck
(Hey Donald)

Underdog has always been my favorite balloon. I can't believe how commercial everything in that show was.

Thanks a ton for the US1/GIJOE commercial, I cant wait until everyone leaves for lunch so I can watch it.

Please fix the link to the toys R us commercial with the Stomper Thunder Road playset. I need it.

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 11/12/2003 12:08 PM EST

Avner looked like someone broke his face when he winked.

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 11/12/2003 05:31 PM EST

Well, as a reader for years, i felt obligated to throw a few bucks towards the kitty.

i particularly like that Paypal allows one to say for what the payment is intended.

i'd like to thank you again for the manual stimulation.

Chestnuts roasted by oddbodkins @ 11/12/2003 05:51 PM EST

Thanks to the article, I've been singing the one-liner "I wanna be a Care Bear" over and over again all afternoon!

I laughed throughout the 13 pages, and almost went into hysterics relating the horror of the Care Bear/Strawberry Shortcake/Cliff the mailman productions at the dinner table. I had to stop before I ended up shooting apple juice through my nose.

I am the same age as Soliel Moon-frye, Joey Lawrence and Danny Cooksey, and I missed the actual event in Canada by being in school. By the way, that blonde girl in the Rainbow Brite commercial looks like Heather O'Rourke. ?

Chestnuts roasted by rmjoots @ 11/12/2003 08:48 PM EST

Ahh, 1984. A year of such wonder, such hope, so many things going on and I was juuust old enough to begin to properly understand the world around me. (9-10) (Though thankfully not enough to realize Reagan was batspit insane!)

Sadly, 20 years later I would understand more, and be in serious need of happy pills, but anyhow.

Very cool article. Its a trip back in time for my mind, heart, and soul.

If I wasn't in negative money type situations till like after New Years', I would drop a fiver in the ol Paypal kitty.

These days holidays suck. Spent my tour in the Navy being away from home most of the time, and when I got home I ended up working at a casino, and holidays are work days for us, which is crushing to the soul, IMHO.

I pretty much spend November-February being twice as depressed as usual.

Chestnuts roasted by Bloodcat @ 11/12/2003 09:38 PM EST

SNAKE MOUNTAIN!! I received that and Battle Armor He-Man and Skeletor that year from my aunt.

Is it me or did Michael Jackson dress up as Scooby-Doo. The dog was dancing to Beat It.

Chestnuts roasted by Liquidduck @ 11/13/2003 02:00 AM EST

Wow....that was twisted...

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 11/13/2003 06:42 PM EST

If there is more insanity than the Hill St. Blues/Shirt Tales number, sign me up!! Awesome Matt.

Shirt Tales trivia! What does STSST stand for? I can't believe I still have this lodged in my brain.

Chestnuts roasted by Dane E. Coffey @ 11/13/2003 08:32 PM EST

Holy crap! I didn't think I'd be able to read this eleven page monster, but I did, and it was worth it! I haven't bothered to watch the Macy's parade since sometime in the early '90s, but this article reminds me of why you'd get up early on Thanksgiving morning. This is the kind of article that reminds me of why XE is my favorite site on the intarweb.

Oh, and I thought I was the only one who remembered watching Shirt Tales. I don't know why I remember this cartoon more than the classics of the era--although I was a weird, weird kid--but this reminded me of it. Although it seems like I saw it on USA's Cartoon Express. Did Shirt Tales have a racoon character on it and they had a flying car thingy, or am I thinking of something else?

Chestnuts roasted by Astro Zombie @ 11/14/2003 03:30 AM EST

I loved the second screen shot for the first Toys R Us commercial.
"Paramus Closed Sunday."
Actually, it is, almost literally. Everything, save for a couple of gas stations and restaurants, closes on Sunday in Paramus (whose name, incidentally, comes from an old Indian word meaning "Sure, we could use another 3 Macy's!") It kinda sucks for the people who want to take advantage of the fact that Jersey doesn't charge sales tax on clothes and some other stuff, but for those of us who live within a mile's radius of at least 3 of the town's 5 malls, Sunday is the one day we can actually get out of our driveways! God bless the Blue Laws!
Okay, I'm done with my rant now.

Chestnuts roasted by MRN on CCN @ 11/14/2003 11:17 AM EST

Wow. Wow. Wow.

That's all i can say, no wait, there's more. The trip down memory lane was awesome. I used to watch the pararde every single damn year! It was one of the few things that made putting up with the whole family on Thanksgiving tolerable. I was fascinated by those huge balloons. In fact, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ruined every other parade for me forever. When I was a kid, I thought that all parades had thoses balloons in them, actually, I thought it wasn't a parade unless it had them. Imagine my disappointment when I found out the truth.

I started to get really excited when I read this article, because I realized that now I can share all of those experiences with my daughter and see them through the eyes of a kid again. Thank you for making me realize this.

Highlights from this article for me include:

Cliff siging. That poor, poor bastard. It must have been in his contract with NBC or something. I just can't see anyone WANTING to lip synch to an awful song about being thankful for whales in front of thousands of people feeling embarassed for you. I hope he was able to destroy any memory of this with help from his friend Jack Daniels.

At the end of the Polaroid commercial is a freeze frame of Pat Sajak looking absolutely suicidal. Cracks me up every time I look at it.

You mentioned in regards to the Rainbow Brite commercial that there is a boy playing in the commercial. That's no boy, that is a girl on a poor copy of a tape, with a bad haircut.

The McDonald's christmas commercial actually made me all misty eyed. I felt so good after seeing this, I didn't even mind being stuck at work for the rest of the night. In the words of Murphy from Sealab 2021 "Its like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my head!"

Thank you Thank you Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by blastendedskroot @ 11/15/2003 10:44 PM EST

Matt, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Can't wait to see the next parade review. Oh, and I'm now having nightmares about Grumpy Bear. =0

Chestnuts roasted by Hope @ 11/17/2003 04:06 AM EST