01/29/2004 Entry: "you know.."

Tell me a story.

New article up, eh, laaaate tonight. Been kinda sick (okay, not really, I'm lying), but next week's looking stellar for content. Stellar, not Stella. "Stella for content" wouldn't make sense unless Stella was protesting for more...well, content.

I think I want California Rolls. I think I'll go get some. When I order, I'll ask to have them prepared "SoCal style," just to see if anything changes in the usual scheme. Perhaps more avocado. Perhaps less seaweed. Perhaps the addition of strawberries.

Sorry, I just wanted to reinforce that this was, above anything else, a blorgh.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/29/2004 06:45 PM EST

Uuuuuuhhhh...

Oooo...kay... You feelin' alright, Matt?

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 01/29/2004 06:50 PM EST

SoCal... I used to think that was an energy drink. But that's because I'm insane.

Chestnuts roasted by Toxic_Spoontang @ 01/29/2004 07:00 PM EST

What the bloody hell is a blorgh?

In any case...today was a good day. Two weeks from Saturday, when I take the ACT, will not be.

:(

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 01/29/2004 07:08 PM EST

Hmm.. if memory serves, i pretty sure California rolls are sushi. It would make sense.

Paul, ACT's aren't that bad, just so long as you get a testing site that's sanitary. Unfortunatly, I wasn't so fortunate. Either way, good luck.

Chestnuts roasted by two_peep_army @ 01/29/2004 07:19 PM EST

I think California rolls are sushi too They serve them here in our schools lunch room (Like i'd trust school sushi)

Oh and thanks to the last blog entry I've been singing the picture pages song.

Chestnuts roasted by Spiffy McKracken @ 01/29/2004 07:38 PM EST

So when are we going to Have another poll Matt? Those were fun.

Chestnuts roasted by Ally @ 01/29/2004 07:40 PM EST

you can use stella for content!
http://www.statemedia.net/stella.php

it's former members of MTV's "the state"

I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT!!

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 01/29/2004 07:48 PM EST

I loved the State. I liked it when they did the Kabuki dance version of all the most popular characters.

"I'm Doug, and I am outta heeerreee!"

Chestnuts roasted by eyeless @ 01/29/2004 07:55 PM EST

"Tell me a story."

Okay-

Once upon a time there was a squirrel. He was here. Then he disappeared. The end.

Thank you, I'll be here all week.
Seriously, I wrote a "story" like that when I was really little. That's my real story. Unless you were kidding, Matt... then... ha ha!

Paul-
The ACT's aren't bad. I took them a couple of years ago and without preparing, I did rather well. Most people I knew did, too. Make sure to answer all the questions, though, even if you don't know the answer. It really helps, and you're not supposed to get penalized for it, unless they changed the rules. Good luck! :)

(Then again, you may not want to listen to me... I told the juniors one year that it was real easy, easier than our statewide test (for me), and apparently they all had problems. Maybe I shouldn't have said that... sorry.)

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 01/29/2004 07:56 PM EST

Matt -- was the "tell me a story" line a command/request? Do you want a story, pal? I post 'em all the time in my blog; I could easily cut/paste one to keep you entertained.

As for the California Rolls, ask for them NY style -- they'll put cream cheese in there for you. Really good, actually. But why get California Rolls at all? Go for spicy tuna, dude. Or better yet, go for unagi. Unagi's the bestest. ;)

Hope you feel a little better, guy.

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 01/29/2004 07:57 PM EST

the get well matt/ 16th post minor shuffle?

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 01/29/2004 08:21 PM EST

Heehee I am the cute one on Duck's imaginary picture site, I feel special ;) And seaweed makes me gag.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/29/2004 08:24 PM EST

Matt maybe you should ask California Rolls So Cal OC style and they'll probaly put an orange on them or something. I really like the ones with the prawns and sweet rice, but I for got what they are called. I hope the new content is Stellar like that Incbus song.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 01/29/2004 09:02 PM EST

In Oklahoma, California rolls are simply vegetarian egg rolls.

It's Chinese food...but it's named after an American state.

I don't get it.

Chestnuts roasted by Marshall @ 01/29/2004 09:05 PM EST

Hmmm... 2 weeks have passed... how's that Cobra Chia pet going? Hopefully awesomely finished/hilarious. Yes yes.

Chestnuts roasted by James F.W. @ 01/29/2004 09:09 PM EST

For the record, the Sean that posted about dipping balls is not the same as me, the guy that always posts about fish. My name is being usurped.

What can be done to avoid such a thing?

(sits in corner muttering under breath).

BTW, I hate to mention it, but sudhi is JAPANESE for god's sake (pronounced sah-kee).

And California rolls are a perversion-avocado and no fish? What's the point? Give me raw fish slices any day.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean the Senior @ 01/29/2004 09:15 PM EST

(Starwenn puts her hand on Matt's forehead.) You ok? Are you really sick? Or did you just drink something that disagreed with you? (And given that half the stuff you mention ingesting on the site is over ten years old or liquor, it wouldn't surprise me.)

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/29/2004 09:29 PM EST

Dudes, I think Matt's ok. Stop pretending like you can actually see him and touch him.

A story, eh?

Once upon a time, there lived a robot. Well, technically, he wasn't a live in the spiritual sense, unless you're from one of those really freaky religons, but lets not get into that. Just asume the robot was metaphorically alive.

This robot lived inside the hollowed out carcass of a racoon on the side of the road. He was a very small robot. Since the robot had no nasel glands, he was unaware of his home's terrible stench.

Well, one day, the robot was sitting outside his house when an ant came up to him.

"Mr. Ant, why don't I have any friends?" He asked.

"Cause you damn ugly," said the ant.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 01/29/2004 10:09 PM EST

More coming up tonight hopefully. Gabby did you notice your pic has a silly statement kind of like Jessica Simpson-esque thing going on =)
I had wanted to do it out of Play Doh but that won't work for what I have in mind (laughs evilly).

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/29/2004 10:32 PM EST

Wow!
It's amazing what you miss in the 2+ days it takes to read the Photog saga..

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 01/29/2004 10:52 PM EST

Here's a story for you matt

Now this is the story all about how,
My life got flipped, turned upside down,
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.

In West Philadelphia I was born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days.
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin all cool,
And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school.

When a couple of guys who were up to no good,
Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared,
And said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air."

I whistled for a cab, and when it came near,
The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror.
If anything I could say that this cat was rare,
But I thought "Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air."

I pulled up to the house about seven or eight,
and I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, smell ya later."
Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there,
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 01/29/2004 10:59 PM EST

Once upon a time my roommate was fightning Death. I told her to use a potion and she did and Death died. Then she asked, "How can you kill Death?" I said, "I just told you, with a potion."
True story, just happened. Though there were about 8 or 9 Deaths and she was playing Gauntlet at the time (the old school arcade style)..

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/30/2004 12:07 AM EST

Oh Duck I noticed ;) But cute people can get away with saying stupid things... and when you say stupid things, no one suspects anything about your plot for world domination. And even if they did, no one they told would believe them anyway.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/30/2004 12:09 AM EST

Matt wants a story people, stop talking about California rolls, the story thing is the new poll, I'm sure.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 12:30 AM EST

"Jurassic Park 4: Moon Madness"

I first came up with the idea of Moon Madness while sitting through Lost World. All you need is Richard Attenborough in the trailer being interrogated over the previous incidents and he casually mentions that he also had a secret lab on the moon. A secret Chinese moon landing goes amok when they find an abandoned lab, and are then attacked by a new species designed for life in space, Moonasaurus. Steven Seagal leads a rag-tag group of Glouchester fishermen to save the Chinese Cosmonauts. The fishermen are made up of Michael Dudikoff, Joe Lara, Brian "Stone Cold" Bosworth, and Sammo Hung. Albert Pyun must direct or no deal Spielberg.

I forgot to mention that for obvious reasons that this time its personal for Sammo Hung.

Chestnuts roasted by She-Man @ 01/30/2004 12:35 AM EST

how the hell do you people not know what california rolls are?!?!

Chestnuts roasted by shinfifo @ 01/30/2004 12:38 AM EST

Gauntlet!!!!

Red warior needs food badly.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 01/30/2004 12:40 AM EST

Hah shin! That's what I was thinking. :) Egg rolls? Since when??? ;P

In other words, I have recently joined Matt in the land of sick. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 01/30/2004 12:41 AM EST

I'm glad someone else recognizes the comic genius behind THE STATE!!!!! long live Michael Ian Black and Joe LaTruglio

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/30/2004 01:21 AM EST

A story, eh? I will tell a true story. One day, my brother got really drunk. He thought the kitchen was the bathroom and tried to shit in the dishwasher. Fortunately, I managed to convince him otherwise.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/30/2004 01:28 AM EST

I remember The State. Didn't the letter people do Picture Pages on there? (just kidding I couldn't help myself).

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/30/2004 01:54 AM EST

my cat snuck out today and ate some plants then after i brought him in he barfed a couple times...i guess thats a story. -_-;

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/30/2004 01:58 AM EST

hehe...how sly of you Killer D

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/30/2004 02:09 AM EST

a California roll contains crabmeat, cucumber, and avocado, rolled up in rice and seaweed.

Dey be good!
I also like the raw mackerel...*droooooool*

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/30/2004 02:09 AM EST

o yeah and the place by me makes one called a shrimp crunch roll, which is a california roll with a tempura shrimp in the middle. The best roll evar! *mega droool*

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/30/2004 02:11 AM EST

Ok Matty boy, here's my story, its not funny, forewarning.... I was 17, and I was lonley... I had zero friends, well I had people that would consider me friends, but at the time I had real problems letting myself get close to anyone, so I never spoke to them, luckily I'm not that way anymore. Anyway, I as many lonley 17 year olds do, turned to the internet for friendship, specificly the Sega IRC chat room (I was using the Dreamcast for the net, so I was limited to that. So one night I enter a room, called "The Dawg Pound" if I'm not mistaken, and I see a familer name. I'll call her "Nanette" seeing as thats her name. I knew her through a friend I had made there, and we began chatting, and we get a long great, better than I had with people in real life. So we start calling each other on a regualer basis, spending hours a night talking, and I become stupid, and I fall in love. Now I should mention something about her, she was 37 and she had a 12 year old son. Now I know what you're saying, why would a 37 year old woman become involved with a 17 year old, or vise versa. Well for one I told her I was 18, I don't know why, it was before I ever fell for her, I just did.... And two, she was desperate, so desperate, that she fell in love with anyone who showed an interest into her. So we fell for each other, and made plans to move in together, I lived here in Quincy, Il she in Vancouver, Wa. Soon later she asked me to marry her, to which I said yes, yes she asked me, keep in mind, we had never seen each other, no clue what we looked like outside of the descriptions we gave one another. So on May 2nd, 2001 I left home for Washington, I chose not to tell anyone I was leaving, I left my father a note, a simple, one page note telling him I was leaving home to marry her. I drove 2000 miles in a 1986 Chrysler LeBaron to be with her, it broke down on me many times, you havn't lived until your car breaks down in litterly the middle of no where, wyoming, not knowing anything about how to fix your car, and praying to God you it will get you to the next town 50 miles away. So I make it, in three of the longest days of my life. I can't find her apartment, so we meet at a gas station just outside of portland, and shes huge, and please don't take this as me being shallow, she was simply a massive girl, about 5'3" and 220lbs. Now I am not a shallow man, and lord knows I am no prize myself, but I simply was not attracted to her, so we found our first lump in the road, the second would come later that night. My dad had obviously found the note I left, and was smart enough to put two and two together and check the caller ID for her number, he had called her an hour before I got there and told her I was 17, to which she was suprisingly not upset, at least not that she let on. So we started talking, or rather sharing akward silences. It was awful, you know how when you're on a really akward date and the date is just filled with meaningless small talk and akward silences, well remove the small talk and thats our relationship, hell I got along better with her son. I was there for all of one week, and at the one week mark she dumped me, why? Because of "All the lies". Notice the "s", lies, plural, now I know I lied to her, but it was only once. So I got sent home, with my tail between my legs, my car died many more times on the way home, to the point it took me over a week to make the trip back. So what were these lies you may be asking, well turns out she was refering to herself. Before I had gotten up there she had slept with this fat asshole Tony several times, and found out just days before I got there that she was pregnant, and had fully planned on letting me think it was my child. So she and I stopped speaking, I havnt spoken to her since about a month after I got back, and thats my story, what do you all think?

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 02:15 AM EST

Go team!

Chestnuts roasted by redthunder @ 01/30/2004 02:29 AM EST

Dude, your story sounds like it should be on oprah or jenny jones or something. sorry it didn't work out for ya :(

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/30/2004 02:35 AM EST

Oh shit, dude...that has to be one of the saddest stories I have heard. I have met many people from online (not for relationships, though) and have had some negative experiences but none that bad. Hopefully the younger ones who come about here will see that story and not make that kind of mistake.

Also, you said you're from Quincy? I know two in the US, which one?

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/30/2004 02:54 AM EST

That's not a true story, is it? Bloody hell.

...

Bloody hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 01/30/2004 03:18 AM EST

Dude, that story was...insane.

I mean, and I'm sure everyone could agree on this, but we all KNEW that she was going to be fat before you even said it. It's a fact of life. Never trust anybody on the internet, ever!

But that sucks. Sorry it didn't work out the way you planned...

Oh, and Matt? I want a new article, damnit! Now mush!

Chestnuts roasted by Bobby... @ 01/30/2004 03:46 AM EST

Story? Okay.

There once was a monkey named George. Note that I am not talking about Curious George. No, the monkey in this story wasn't curious at all. In fact, he was dumb as a post. He had trouble forming complex sentences without using more pauses than William Shatner. He raised funding for a drug war when he was quite a fan of cocaine himself. His stupidity pissed off a great many number of people, and thus he earned the nickname Georgie Dubya.

Georgie Dubya got tired of flinging his own poo at brown people, so he asked The Men In Big Black Suits to fly him to his vacation ranch, where he spent all of last August.

While vacationing he was visited by some friends in the oil^W^W^WEnergy industry. When they sat down to talk with Georgie Dubya they seemed quite worried.

"Georgie Dubya, we have a problem! Business has been bad! You see, there are these laws that keep us from making energy for all of the God-Fearing Americans! We can't drill, make pipelines, or do anything! Georgie Dubya, we need help."

Georgie Dubya looked at them quizzicly, unable to understand what they were saying. He then tried to look serious, and as he ate a tick he picked off his genitals he said to them -

"I know what you can do! We could drill for oil in space! I'm sure there's plenty of oil on the moon, yes sir!"

"Georgie Dubya, I'm not sure that will work."

Ooh! Or what about the sun? I mean, it's so big and bright and shiny, I bet there's plenty of oil in the sun! Just wait until night and land on the sun, the sun is a lot cooler at night!"

"Energy, Georgie Dubya. Not oil, Energy. But we have all the energy we need here on Earth. You've already helped us take care of the problems in the middle east..."

"Bomb the brown people! Jesus loves it when I bomb the brown people and give them freedom!"

"Yes, Georgie Dubya..."

"Brown people are the color of poo!"

"Yes, Georgie Dubya..."

"Haha! I said poo!"

"Georgie Dubya! We've got all the Energy we will ever need, but there are laws against us transporting all that Energy."

"Why?"

"Because the people who made those laws hate progress."

"Why?"

"....Because they hate freedom."

"I love freedom! I gave freedom to the middle east!"

"I know you do, Georgie Dubya, but they hate freedom."

"They're bad men!"

"Who passed some bad laws that restrict the freedom of energy! Georgie Dubya, when you get off vacation could you do us a favor?"

"Bomb England? I bet they have tons of brown people being right next to Iraq and all!"

"No, England's fine. For now, at least. Could you take your big magical pen and remove all those pesky little environm... err... Anti-Freedom laws?"

"But Dick HAHA I said Dick! HAHA I said Dick again! HAHA I said Dick yet again! Said that I shouldn't do anything without his permissess permessian parmesian telling me to because I might put a stick up the voters asses."

"But Georgie Dubya, these are Anti-Freedom laws! Jesus and Enron want you have to protect Freedom!"

"You're right! I have to protect Freedom!"

And so dozens upon dozens of those evil Anti-Freedom laws were swept away, so that the America loving Energy corperations could move their energy about, extract energy, and otherwise do whatever they wanted in the name of Freedom. And times were good for everyone. John Doe paid two cents less at the gas pump. The Freedom corperations were happy. The brown people who are the color of poo got Freedom. And everyone was happy.

Well, except for some gay liberal hippie treehugging commie potsmoking negroes in Alaska, but they'll be taken care of in the Christian Final Solution after Georgie Dubya gets re-elected, so their opinions don't matter.

The End.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 01/30/2004 04:29 AM EST

Wes, yes my story is 100% true, amazing as it may be. Fortunatly in the last 3 years I have grown a lot, and would never do shit like that again, its kinda like shell shock, after something like that you're a different person, fortunatly it made me a better person, I know it sounded sad as shit, but, if I had to do it again, I would in a heart beat, why? Well it made me into the man I am today, and today I'm a pretty kick ass succesful person, and Im very happy with who I am. Oh and you are right Bobby, I shoulda seen the fact that she was a BIG girl in advance, to be fair she did tell me she was chubby, but damn she went FAR beyond chubby, past Rosie O'Donnel and straight into Jabba the Hutt.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 05:15 AM EST

Yep, The State was awesome. Anybody ever see that skit where the two guys bought 226 dollars worth of jello pudding? Hilarious.

"Now I know what you're thinking... you're thinking that we could have just bought 100 dollars worth of pudding, and that would have been a whole lot of pudding... but oh no, baby... we had to go and buy 226 dollars worth of pudding... awww yeah..."

A story, eh? Okay. Once, there was a young, charming, devilishly handsome young man with an evil younger sister who had taken the ACTs several months earlier. The young man himself had never taken them because 6 years ago on the East Coast, they basically didn't exist. However, his little sister got her scores back and found that she'd received a 30, which the test claimed was the exact equivalent of what the young man had gotten on the SATs 6 years before. "Bullshit!" the young man cried, "Your SAT scores were nowhere near mine!" "Yes," said his snotty little sister, "but my ACT scores are just as good. Nyah!" Then she applied to several colleges and got a scholarship equivalent to what the young man himself had received.

The moral of this story? The ACTs are easy as hell. Ace 'em, Paul. Good luck.

(And The Dude, sorry about your experience, man, but glad it worked out for ya in the end. It's always tough to predict whether there'll actually be any physical chemistry there or not.)

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 01/30/2004 10:13 AM EST

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! hehe Barry and Levon. My bro has all the eps on a cd-rom around here somewhere. DOesn't that kick ass? Speaking of the State, did you ever see the Halloween special that aired on CBS?? Not many people did....but I was fortunate enough to stumble upon it.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/30/2004 10:25 AM EST

The Dude, I can feel for your story. I have one about online love as well that isn't turning out so good. Damn cyber love damn it to hell :-P

Chestnuts roasted by Spiffy McKracken @ 01/30/2004 10:39 AM EST

Yeah, had one myself that, while not nearly as bad as The Dude's, was also lacking in any real chemistry, and have generally stuck with real-person dating ever since. Cyber love... nnnnhhhh. Maybe it depends on the site. X-E females are obviously cool as hell (and undoubtedly foxes to boot), but go anywhere else and you're asking for trouble. Except for, y'know, that hot 18-year-old nymphomaniac's personal site. Then you're just asking for spam.

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 01/30/2004 11:02 AM EST

I'm sure some turn out. The expericences I've had (which range from bah to "that can't happen in the real word" shitty) haven't been too great. Now if only I could talk to reality women as well as I do to cyber women. I'd be a pimp, or as one of my students said "ballerific"

Chestnuts roasted by Spiffy McKracken @ 01/30/2004 11:10 AM EST

the lucky one, i loved that skit on the state. i bought the vhs tape years ago and watch it all the time. it has louie in it too... i loved louie!!!!
great cast really. i was so sad it went off the air. they were all very talented.

ahh the pudding. i hope they put it out on dvd. is it out on dvd?

Chestnuts roasted by jessica_76 @ 01/30/2004 11:27 AM EST

Dude, That's a fuckin' bummer man...

Actually, maybe i'm prying, but hell, you already spilled it. I'm kind of interested to know what happened between you and your dad when you got back. How did that conversation go?

Wes, here's a story about Unagi for you... well, it's no so much of a story as it is a tid-bit. The Japanese consider Unagi (and Tamago) sushi to be "kids sushi" I too am quite a fan of Unagi (and Tamago), and when you're asked if you can eat sushi in Japan (a question you'll get at least twice a week. the frequency is directly proportionate to how poor your Japanese language skills are, the worse you are, the more they ask). Anyway, the Japanese laughed at me because I like Unagi, and then said I was like a child. The irony is outstanding if you have a grasp of the "cute culture".

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/30/2004 11:31 AM EST

Once upon a time, there was a huge and slightly drunk god. He was bored out of his skull, so he decided to gather his worshippers together. They weren't really worshippers, just a bunch of rag-tag beings from all walks of "life" who share some common interests. Poof! and there they were, assembled on the floor of his living room, confused, and looking like the cattle call for a sequel to "Ice Pirates." WTF, thought the god, at least it beats playing checkers with Nike again, she always wins. A purple robot raised his hand, "Hello? Excuse me? But, what in the name of the Sword of Omens are we doing here? And, why does the carpet smell like cat food and NyQuil?" A tall girl wearing what looked like a cross between Dark Phoenix's costume and a Akagiyama 23 shoved him out of the way, "Yeah, what's going on? And why.... Is that a Metroplex? Oooh..." and she wandered off. A silver guy in a torn t-shit with "Lick it and Stick it" written on it in permanent marker came running out from the kitchen, "He's got ChocoDiles!" Soon, all the little people were running around the place, getting into things, and hogging the remote control. "Great," said the god to nobody in particular, "Looks like I'll have to set out traps again. No wonder I never had any temples built." th' end.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/30/2004 12:17 PM EST

Oh my god King, you're the greatest. A close second is Justin, with his monkey story.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 01/30/2004 12:50 PM EST

Thenk yew! I owe it all to the usual influences as stated before , and more recent additions like MST3K, Nodwick, Bill Hicks, Dennis Wolfberg, Denis Leary, Lewis Black, The Tick, Shonen Jump, Dork Tower, and the fervent hope that someday, there will be a movie that will not mess up Asimov's robot stories. (Will Smith?)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/30/2004 01:21 PM EST

Blorgh rhymes with frorgh, come to think of it.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/30/2004 01:22 PM EST

*does 60th post "running man"*

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/30/2004 02:16 PM EST

The Dude, where the hell is the punchline? I was waiting to see "the lies she spoke of was the fact that none of this actually happened and she doesn't exist. Ha!".

Never believe anything you read on the internet.. except this. And this.

..And this.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (#2?) @ 01/30/2004 02:30 PM EST

I remember that State Halloween Special. Besides it being hilarious, i.e. replacing TV's imaginary fourth wall, the family trying to justify bringing their house's boiler on a camping trip, etc., it also featured, as a musical guest, SONIC YOUTH!

I used to have that episode on tape, and watched it many, many times, but I lost it.

Shit.

Chestnuts roasted by D-d-dave-some @ 01/30/2004 04:37 PM EST

a semi-random thought:
Being bored out of ones skull sounds mighty painful.

Chestnuts roasted by iivuli @ 01/30/2004 06:19 PM EST

Chopstick Sensei.... Oddly enough things never got bad between my father and I, he certainly wasnt happy about it, but he and I are still cool, still close.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 08:03 PM EST

to anyone interested in the State, you can get your fill at
statemedia.net
including video of every skit starting from season one. admittedly, the quality is shit, but hell, it's every skit. Also, ironically, the day I post this news to you is the day they switch servers for their video, so the videos may all be down.

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/30/2004 09:34 PM EST

Gotta point out, seeing as I don't see that anyone mentioned it yet, if you love The State you gotta check out the movie Wet Hot American Summer, its hilarious, and its written by and stars a lot of the state guys.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 09:51 PM EST

two words "fried twinkies"

Chestnuts roasted by Tacy @ 01/30/2004 09:56 PM EST

Hey "The Dude". The biggest mistake I "seen" you make was to venture outside a 30 mile radius from your home in a Chrysler! Think GM, man! Only kidding. Thank you for sharing. "There, but for the grace of God,...."

Chestnuts roasted by ibinsomniac @ 01/31/2004 01:55 AM EST

LoL, you're right ibinsomniac, sadly I was blinded by love at the time. Side note, just last week the LeBaron died, RIP. Had 123,000 miles on it.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/31/2004 03:19 AM EST

My pants are at half-staff in honor of the LeBaron. (wipes away tear)

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/31/2004 02:17 PM EST

Here's the best of both worlds: a sushi-related story!

Once upon a time, there were these two guys I know who went to the mall food court. One guy was in search of sushi; the other was there because he was... uhmm... well... there.
Guy A ordered his sushi, and he and Guy B sat down at a sticky ol' food court table.
"Hey, what's that green stuff on your plate?" Guy B asked.
"It's wasabi," Guy A replied.
"Is it good?" asked Guy B.
"It's really really spicy," said Guy A.
"Can I try some?" Guy B asked.
Guy A eyed him warily. "Okay," he finally said.
So Guy B picked up the wasabi and took a big bite out of it as though it were some sort of green Japanese plum. "Hey, this isn't that bad," he said.
And then he exploded.
Okay, maybe he didn't, but he's still got red rings under his eyes from that fateful day. Ouchies.

Chestnuts roasted by MRNonCCN @ 01/31/2004 06:39 PM EST

What is this thing about! I don't understand this! Oh my god! WHAT IS THIS! TELL ME! TELL ME! RIGHT NOW! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH !

Oh well, I still have My cool. PEACE TO THE EAST!

Chestnuts roasted by 76erx21993XL @ 03/25/2004 06:32 PM EST

What is this thing about! I don't understand this! Oh my god! WHAT IS THIS! TELL ME! TELL ME! RIGHT NOW! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH !

Oh well, I still have My cool. PEACE TO THE EAST!

Chestnuts roasted by 76erx21993XL @ 03/25/2004 06:32 PM EST

What is this thing about! I don't understand this! Oh my god! WHAT IS THIS! TELL ME! TELL ME! RIGHT NOW! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH !

Oh well, I still have My cool. PEACE TO THE EAST!

Chestnuts roasted by 76erx21993XL @ 03/25/2004 06:32 PM EST

What is this thing about! I don't understand this! Oh my god! WHAT IS THIS! TELL ME! TELL ME! RIGHT NOW! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH !

Oh well, I still have My cool. PEACE TO THE EAST!

Chestnuts roasted by 76erx21993XL @ 03/25/2004 06:33 PM EST

What is this thing about! I don't understand this! Oh my god! WHAT IS THIS! TELL ME! TELL ME! RIGHT NOW! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH !

Oh well, I still have My cool. PEACE TO THE EAST!

Chestnuts roasted by 76erx21993XL @ 03/25/2004 06:33 PM EST