02/03/2004 Entry: "New Article: Eating Spongebob Squarepants."

The 11th hour...just in time. Today's article is a special feature about some of the incredibly many Spongebob Squarepants food promotions that have just hit store shelves, ranging from Pop Tarts to cereal, popsicles, Cheez-It crackers, fruit snacks and more. He even got his own macaroni and cheese! He's pretty much everywhere you look in the supermarkets these days -- it's almost as bad as those Hulk promotions we looked at last summer. Here's the article, including several really giant pictures that may potentially cause hunger. When will it end? When there's Spongebob chicken.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 02/03/2004 11:41 PM EST

Funny thing is, I noticed all the Spongebob stuff the other day and thought it'd make a perfect X-E article. And here it is!

Chestnuts roasted by Lyss @ 02/03/2004 11:46 PM EST

Spongebob's growth in the supermarkets remind me of when they taught us how bacteria reproduces and multiplies in a room. I watched in awe as Spongebob strawberry juice that contains no juice (Coffee Talk. . . discuss) raped, pillaged and plundered through the aisles until there was Spongebob Garlic Powder, Spongebob Teriyaki Marinade, and Spongebob Maxi Pads with wings. Too bad I hate the guy. . . otherwise I would work my shopping list to exclusive Spongebobness.

Chestnuts roasted by Kata @ 02/04/2004 12:04 AM EST

Ah, but they used to have BLUE Spongebob Mac n Cheese. In a special bigger box I think.

I had it. It was blue. Yeah.... Blue. Cheese.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 02/04/2004 12:08 AM EST

I hate when I miss the blue editions, but know what's still sitting in my freezer? Blue Funky Fries. I'm pretty sure they killed those off real quick -- this bag has got to be almost two-years-old now. I should post it up sometime.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/04/2004 12:10 AM EST

Dude, I would kill for the mp3 of the Kids Bop version of "Bring Me To Life." Something great about preteens singing "Save me from the nothing I've become."

Chestnuts roasted by TEd @ 02/04/2004 12:16 AM EST

Those Kids Bop CD's worry me for some strange reason. I just wonder if they remove certain words, or if they are meant to be taken into a different context when the kids sing it, versus the adult version of the songs. Heck I don't know why it bothers me so much, I grew up listening to Van Halen, Kiss, Motley Crue, and alot of other bands that had the most raunchiest lyrics, and me being 6 or 7 being totally oblivious to what some of the meanings of the songs actually meant.

Chestnuts roasted by Justus Cade @ 02/04/2004 12:21 AM EST

Hi Matt, thank god you're on the side of He-Man. I'm lighting a candle at church in your name.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 02/04/2004 12:33 AM EST

I made my own spongebob costume for last years high school costume contest and WON, and got to sing the theme song, I was briefly estatic before kids started calling me spongebob and i was forced to sing the song at ever school event, Xmas, Idol, Prom, Graduation, and then my mom thought I loved it and got me all the stuff, I love the show but am now suffering from SPSB overkill, still gotta love that Squidward

Chestnuts roasted by Brrent @ 02/04/2004 12:40 AM EST

Oh yeah, I don't want to be a dick, but it's been like 34 days Matt, it's 2004

Chestnuts roasted by Brrent @ 02/04/2004 01:08 AM EST

There's no Spongebobs in that cereal!
The blue Spongebob mac-n-cheese has the funkiest, most disgusting smell on the planet, but if you have to babysit it's a get out of jail free card.
I don't know if anybody around here watched HBO's show Carnivale but I was a big fan, especially of Clancy Brown's performance as the demonic priest. My enjoyment was greatly enhanced by the fact that everytime he opened his mouth I pictured him saying "Me money! Me precious, precious money!"

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/04/2004 01:24 AM EST

Fixed :), sorry for the tough love, I just enjoy pointing out the small mistakes of others and pretending I spell perfectly.

Chestnuts roasted by Brrent @ 02/04/2004 01:31 AM EST

those yellow & brown spongebob marshmallows are so cute! mmmmm. mac and cheese....

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 02/04/2004 01:31 AM EST

Brrent: you could have at least waited till morning so I wouldn't have to go to sleep having bad dreams.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/04/2004 01:32 AM EST

Who are you kidding?? you'll be up for hours anyways, and I'm slowly but surely making my way through the old articles, "you're site is great" but still not enough tigers :(

Chestnuts roasted by Brrent @ 02/04/2004 01:35 AM EST

i tried the chocolate funky fries when they first came out....BAD CHOICE!! Worst thing I've ever consumed in my life...just thinking about them scares me, and the stores have like 15 freezers full of just them. never any missing but they are always there.

I was going to say something else but i forgot. @_@

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 02/04/2004 01:40 AM EST

squee- I was a big fan of the Carnivale, especially of the deliciousness know as Clancy Brown.

This whole Kidz Bop thing reminds me of when they sang on the Mickey Mouse Club and they had to change the words. A line from Salt n Pepa- "I think I wanna have your baby" becomes "I wanna be your baby"

Chestnuts roasted by allicat @ 02/04/2004 01:43 AM EST

wow. you go to bed late, matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 02/04/2004 01:44 AM EST

You know what they don't make of spongebob and it's so obivous spongebob sponge cake!

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 02/04/2004 01:44 AM EST

hey this isnt about the spongebob article,i just wanted to say that it kix ass that you posted a link to that he-man petition,i had already sighned it about a week ago but ive been trying to get everyone i know to do it.

Chestnuts roasted by meef @ 02/04/2004 01:51 AM EST

Spongebob...ah, Spongebob. What is there to say that hasn't already been said?

And I hope Matt's initials are "M.A.C." Just because.

Chestnuts roasted by Omni @ 02/04/2004 01:57 AM EST

SPongeBobs into everything. I mean everything. Bandaids, bubble bath, food, clothing, underwear, (Even thongs-for 12 yr olds...scary), I happen to have the interactive talking spongebob where if you squeeze him he says things and his eyes bug out. if you whip him around (as I found out) he tells you to stop. Its so Cool.
On a side note, i cant make KD either. It always comes out as milky cheese water and chewy noodles. Matt is officially my hero for admitting his lack of KD skills first! Also, The Article was cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Allie @ 02/04/2004 02:10 AM EST

I work at Schnucks(grocery store) so I see a no end to the damn sponge bob products, thanks.

Chestnuts roasted by OtherMatt @ 02/04/2004 02:13 AM EST

Ah... I love Kraft Mac n Cheese. I'm sooo making it for lunch tomorrow.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 02/04/2004 02:17 AM EST

Ah, Spongebob. I've never seen such a weird phenominon. I don't mean the product tie-ins, I just mean the fact that people either dig him or despise him. There's no middle-ground here.

Personally, my favorite episode is the one where Barnacle Boy became a villain and Spongebob and friends had to become a Justice League-type superhero team. Just thinking of the live action commissioner and his maniacal laughing fit has me giggling.

o/~ F is for fire, burning down the whole town! U is for uranium... BOMBS! N is for no survivors... o/~

Chestnuts roasted by Gavok @ 02/04/2004 02:43 AM EST

Dylan had better pick Kelly, because Brenda is off in Paris pretending to be French, smoking cigarettes and eating brains.

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 02/04/2004 03:06 AM EST

Hi Matt, I'm from He-man.org. Been reading the site for years, but wanted to thank you for the support of the petition. Oh, and the years and years of entertainment:)

Chestnuts roasted by TrickJaw @ 02/04/2004 03:33 AM EST

How about the Spongebob video games?
My son got the Gameboy Advance one for Christmas and I don't think he's stopped playing it yet.. just plugs it in when it needs re-charging.(The Gameboy not the cartridge) But he keeps right on playing :P

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 02/04/2004 04:18 AM EST

I'm glad to see that Gary got included in the Mac and Cheese. I mean, really, how many snails do you know that can tie their own shoes? I think he deserves a little bit of recognition for that.

Chestnuts roasted by Ian @ 02/04/2004 04:39 AM EST

Oh man you guys in the states are so lucky, I remember things like that spongebob mac and cheese being super mario mac and cheese, the reason why I compare the two is because its such a good way to eat mac! I mean the regular stuff isnt near as good trust me. And for some reason its harder to find that 'shapely' macaroni at any safeway up here... hm hm hm.

Your site is amazing, been a longtime watcher for a while now, keep up the good work we appreciate it!

Chestnuts roasted by Duncan @ 02/04/2004 04:57 AM EST

Aye, I saw the Battle for Bikini Bottom for X-Box..thought about getting it for my son, and for myself possibly.

Chestnuts roasted by Justus Cade @ 02/04/2004 05:00 AM EST

My roommate and I get Spongebob macaroni and cheese at one of those wholesale food club store things... something like 20 boxes for $.008.

We like chewing on Spongebob. It's symbollic of our desire to rend him asunder and cannibalize on his plainly tasty visage.

Great site. *tips hat*

Chestnuts roasted by grep @ 02/04/2004 06:40 AM EST

Matt, how can you be bad at making Mac n Cheese? You want a tip? I find melting the butter in a glass measuring cup ( bigger the better), then pouring the milk into the measuring cup, then adding the cheese powder. Mix for a few seconds and then pour it over the noodles or whatever the pasta is shapped like. And presto.

That should get your better results than what you have before..

Chestnuts roasted by Punisher Bass @ 02/04/2004 07:41 AM EST

My first experience with Spongebob was a Comcast Cable kiosk that was outside of my work. They had a couple of TV's and the internet (very convenient for me) always on and showing various shows. The people who worked there gave me an extra remote because the mall was always dead. One day I flipped to Spongebob and decided to check it out. It was the episode where they went to the beach. I kept thinking, "Hey! Aren't they underwater?" And sure enough, they were under water and had found some sort of heavier water that was at "the beach." very stange. A friend assured me that this kind of thing happens all of the time on the show. That's pretty cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 02/04/2004 08:07 AM EST

That was so much Spongebob. I think something popped in the back of my brain.... from all the yellow.

Chestnuts roasted by I forget @ 02/04/2004 08:08 AM EST

Yarrr. I'm not a big fan of spongebob. My heart beats to only one Nicktoon: Ren and Stimpy. I had so much of their merchandise: games, clothing, I even collected the comic book. Sad times we live in. Well, I'm off to put a .50 caliber hollowpoint round in my head

Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 02/04/2004 08:39 AM EST

I really hope that yellow thing resembling a sponge inside that..plastic thing resembling Spongebob's arms and legs is actually a real usable sponge.

My mom wants one.

The mac and cheese is really good..I want the blue version now though.

Chestnuts roasted by Hollow @ 02/04/2004 08:42 AM EST

squee and allicat - I watched Carnivale, too. (It was actually pretty hard, finding someone else IRL who watched regularly.) It was wierd, hearing Mr. Krab's voice coming out of a demonic priest. I keep expecting to see Mr. Krabs grab Mrs. Puff, say, "We've come a long way, sister!" and then kiss her. Eewwww...

heeloyd, we got some of those chocolate fries for the younguns, too. Disgusting. Who ever thought chocolate and potato would be a great taste sensation?

Spongebob, spongebob, where to begin. We sing that F.U.N. song all the time. I like the ones w/ Squilliam b/c it's fun to see Squidward squirm.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 02/04/2004 08:52 AM EST

Matt, they did get rid of the funky fries... but not too long ago. I got them last november on a yearly trip with my friends. We all rent this big cabin, and get really drunk for a whole weekend. Anyway, I bought those things, and everyone was like... oh man your poop is going to be blue. But the fries were sooo good, they were crispy right out of the over, which is weird since usually fries are only crispy out of a deep fryer.

And my friends were right... the next morning... blue poop.

And you will receive a photo of my ass with M.C. X.E. on it by tomorrow.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 02/04/2004 09:33 AM EST

I love these kinds of articles. I'll love it even more in a year or two when all this stuff is long gone. (I still check the old Hulk promo articles once in a while...love this fad crap)

Chestnuts roasted by Sugarbear @ 02/04/2004 09:53 AM EST

OK, is it just me, or have you noticed that whenever they have fruit snacks, the reds, purples, greens, oranges and what have you, are always semi-translucent. But the yellows are always opaque! The Spongebob snacks are no exception! What is up with that? Is there a translucent yellow # 4 shortage? Or did they do a marketing study that found out kids prefer milkier looking fruit snacks, or what??

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 02/04/2004 10:12 AM EST

Well, damn. I was hoping you'd include the Spongebob strawberry-banana Leggo waffles I've been seeing at the grocery store. I'm really curious about them, but I haven't dared to try 'em out yet...

Chestnuts roasted by Samila @ 02/04/2004 10:51 AM EST

Looking at the Spongebob Mac & Cheese shapes... doesn't the Patrick Starfish shape look like tiny Ku Klux Klan member outlines. Yet reformed ones, now able to come together with the others in the Bikini Bottom bath of cheese.
Yes, folks can learn a life lesson in thier bowl. A lesson of acceptance and how even noodle racists can find redemption.

Ah, the power of cheese.

Chestnuts roasted by Aconite @ 02/04/2004 11:12 AM EST

Darn, I wish my store still sold the special edition sponge-bob Kraft mac and cheese with - NO LIE - sea green cheese. The kids loved it, especially since they could gross me out at the same time. Looked awful. Tasted OK.
Oh, all the wonders of blue food dye.

Chestnuts roasted by MamaLou @ 02/04/2004 11:20 AM EST

"Winner takes all/the thrill of just one kill/the last one to fall/will never sacrifice their will..." That should have been the Halftime show at the Super Bowl.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/04/2004 12:11 PM EST

Oh, you missed the best of all, when last year Kraft released a SBSP Mac N Cheeze with blue colored cheeze. It tasted like chrome. (Don't ask me how I know that) One short email later they returned my moneys. The end.

Chestnuts roasted by Blue @ 02/04/2004 12:21 PM EST

The fun does not stop with the stores either. on yahoo games you can download or even by the game. Spongebob collapse

Chestnuts roasted by Shorty @ 02/04/2004 12:32 PM EST

I recently purchaces Sponge Bob Square Pants Ice Cream...It is vanilla with caramel and chencks of chocolate cookie dough shaped like sponge bob.

Should I be embarased that I am 34 years old and have no children and this is not my favorite Ice cream?

Chestnuts roasted by Diane Falconi @ 02/04/2004 12:39 PM EST

I turn a blind eye towards these things in the grocery store. Of course when I'm at the grocery store, I just make a quick list of the essentials, Crunch Berries, Gatorade, Soda, Gobstoppers/Nerds. Rice, soy sauce, other Asian foods. Never really noticed that there were so many Spongebob things. Though I do recall having to make Spongebob Mac and Cheese for my cousin and had to substitue milk with evaporated milk, only to discover that evaporated milk makes it taste even cheesier.

So really I'm not scared of Sponge bob infiltrating my pantry.

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 02/04/2004 01:10 PM EST

Here's something, not food related but here's everything else that Spongebob's spongey little fingers have touched..

http://www.momsmarketonline.com/spongebob-squarepants-merchandise.html
Click the menu on the left for even more!

Everything from Sleeping bags to flip phones!

Man, Im so gonna buy the Smak and Yak!

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 02/04/2004 01:23 PM EST

I had that bryers ice cream last year, it was not so great. way too sweet. and its wasnt just spongebob thrown on a regualar flavor, it was HIS OWN FLAVOR! it was more like the cereal, just with ice cream..had those wierd candy bits in it too. gave me a stomach ache.

Chestnuts roasted by Bloodmustard @ 02/04/2004 01:59 PM EST

I wasn;t aware they made so muhc Spongebob crap! I love Spongebob!
Let me know when they actually come out witha Krabby Pattie!

Chestnuts roasted by Dragonrider @ 02/04/2004 02:24 PM EST

Well i saw the spongbob article and it reminded me of when I tried sponge bob mac and cheese. But I had to suffer a little bit more. Charft also makes a varriant with "Ocean Blue" cheese sauce. That's right blue, really really blue cheese sauce. I was actualy afraid to eat it at frist.. I feared the blueness would alter the taste, but it didn't.. just made it look weird...

Chestnuts roasted by James @ 02/04/2004 03:01 PM EST

I was at the store like half an hour ago. That cereal aisle is just a bunch of articles waiting to happen. I saw that Sponge bob cereal and I thought about this site.

Chestnuts roasted by swordbourne @ 02/04/2004 03:19 PM EST

Krabby patties reminds me of hermit crab food for some reason. Makes my stomach turn. I rather have a Crab cake. MMMMMM! CRAAAHHHHHB.

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 02/04/2004 03:21 PM EST

If my kid read this I'll have no choice but to hang myself. Some good investigative journalism, but dangerous dangerous stuff for us parents to deal with. So far I'm in hawk for buying SpongeBob Dolls(including a Barbie one), Toothbrush Holder, Talking Spongebob (with the exception of a talking Barney this is the most annoying thing on earth), Talking Gary (Amusing for 7.3 seconds), Sponge Bob Posters, Clothing (including Shirt and Socks), and perhaps worst of all.... DVD's meaning Being subjected to it outside of the normal cable timeslot!!!!!!! What happened to Card Games........ OH YEAH they have that SPONGEBOB TOO!!!

Chestnuts roasted by The Shifter @ 02/04/2004 03:29 PM EST

Keep an eye out for the Spongebob Sqarepants Movie! Oh yea!

I think they should have been working on it instead of that stupid rugrats meets the thornerries movie.

Chestnuts roasted by chiablo @ 02/04/2004 03:30 PM EST

At one point, there used to be Spongebob Cheese Nips. Now how many cartoon characters get to be both Cheez-Its AND Cheese Nips?

Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 02/04/2004 03:56 PM EST

The pop tart box is very creepy. It looks like he's coming out to get you!

Chestnuts roasted by Cap'n serioustown @ 02/04/2004 04:17 PM EST

hey, they have crabby patties at a resteraunt near my house. Hamburger with crab dip ontop.... delish!

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 02/04/2004 04:21 PM EST

Hey, I'M a 20-something who watches SPSP daily and puzzles over Kids Bop, just like YOU. Matt is the voice of my generation. What's the freakin' deal with Kidz Bop, anyhow? Time to see if people are insane enough to 1. make mp3s and 2. share them on Kazaa.

Chestnuts roasted by DeathFrogurt @ 02/04/2004 04:48 PM EST

Update: the world is retarded AND doomed. Kidz Bop is all over Kazaa.

There's even a version of "Complicated" on there. Avril is only like 17. To Kidz Bop-ize her song is to be redundant.

Chestnuts roasted by Deathfrogurt @ 02/04/2004 04:53 PM EST

Well, I'M a middle person with SpongeBob. I like a few of the episodes and tolerate the rest. I really like the one where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing around in the big cardboard box, and when it's closed it sounds like the things they're imagining are real, but when the box is opened... yeah. "Imaaaaaginaaaation!" Cracks me up every time. Also, I love that song they sing in the "Band Geeks" one. I have in on MP3 and my little sister has it in VideoNow disc format.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 02/04/2004 05:52 PM EST

All these comments and no one mentions the two Easter Eggs at the top! I can't be the only one who noticed them. Click on Sally and Patrick to get some more articles.

Chestnuts roasted by jason1551 @ 02/04/2004 08:15 PM EST

hmm... a wood background... where in the world would you get that idea, huh matt??

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/04/2004 08:32 PM EST

You'd never see Pee Wee eating Spongebob cereal.

As for Carnivale... yes, great great show... gave me something new to watch since they took "American Gothic" off the air so many moons ago.

Chestnuts roasted by gesis @ 02/04/2004 08:54 PM EST

I wonder what Mat would do if one of us really wrote his initials on our but and mooned him

Chestnuts roasted by Lossenelin @ 02/04/2004 08:57 PM EST

Am I the only one who buys those shaped Mac & Cheese and don't use the cheese? I just mix in some butter to keep it from sticking together. A little salt, and it's good eatin'. I miss the DC comic heroes shapes--and the Scooby-Doo ones are creepy. I don't like my food to look at me.

There used to be a lot of shaped pastas when I was a kid, usually made by some small company that never advertised. The astronauts were my favorite. Then they disappeared, although my aunt did find some down the street from where they used to live. I'm usually a spagetti fan myself, but the shapes are darn tasty, too.

Chestnuts roasted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 02/04/2004 09:13 PM EST

I also work in a grocery store and am familiar with most of these items (all of them but the Cheez-Its and the Pop Tarts, including the mentioned-but-not-show ice cream). I also took one look at the cereal and thought "Oh, Matt's got to review this, if only for the box alone." It's on sale down here, too, but I have no interest in it. I hate cereal with marshmallows. The marshmallows are always hard, and the cereal is either bland or a "Cap'in Crunch" knock-off.

I'm not exactly sure what to make of "SpongeBob." It's one of the few shows my 11-year-old brother refuses to miss. It's certainly...different. My favorite character is the Texas-accented squirrel, Sandy Cheeks. Not only because she's tougher than all the guys on the show put together, but I just love the absurd idea of a female squirrel with a Texas accent living in a bubble with a tree under the ocean. I haven't seen many episodes, but the one I liked the most of what I have seen was when Sandy dared SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs to go on land. When the guys go on land, they're amusingly depicted by very obvious toys (a rubber squid, a plastic crab and starfish, and a normal yellow sponge on a stick). Sandy is a squirrel puppet in an astronaut suit. She has to save the guys from seagulls who see them as a light snack. I always knew seagulls were bad guys.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 02/04/2004 09:27 PM EST

"OK, is it just me, or have you noticed that whenever they have fruit snacks, the reds, purples, greens, oranges and what have you, are always semi-translucent. But the yellows are always opaque! The Spongebob snacks are no exception! What is up with that? Is there a translucent yellow # 4 shortage? Or did they do a marketing study that found out kids prefer milkier looking fruit snacks, or what?? "

I always thought the opaque ones were the best. You could trade two of them for a whole pack of snacks. The translucent yellows were always really hard.

Chestnuts roasted by Fk27 @ 02/04/2004 10:39 PM EST

I do enjoy Sponge Bob on some strangley erotic level. I think though he is about to run his course though. With the movie coming out this year, our little yellow friend will hit his zenith.

A cartoon that turns into a film is tricky bussiness. So many toons before him have hit the big screen and fizzled out. It's ussually by the time the toon gets to multiplexes, the 15 short minutes of kiddie fame are over.

( I mean there are of course sick individuals who will see a kiddie film "under the influence").

This of course will be Mr. Squarepants greatest challenge. Will he get major pop and go over at the local theater or will it be the kiss of death? We shall see.

However there is one thing though that you can't take away from the little yellow guy: he is the undisputed pop culture icon that is so absurd (or genius) that he is the lexicon of brand name product tie in's.The heavy weight champ of any Nick Toon before him and perhaps long after as well. He has more merchandise than the Hilton sisters have money. Somewhere out there, there are Sponge Bob enemas and lube.
Corporate America, wouldn't have it any other way.

Chestnuts roasted by Gerald James @ 02/05/2004 12:23 AM EST

"( I mean there are of course sick individuals who will see a kiddie film "under the influence")."

Hmm... I don't know anybody that watches the kiddie movies under the influence, just stoner movies ("How High" comes to mind). But hey, if I still smoked the herbal treatment, I'd go watch the spongebob flick. I hate that damn sponge.

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 12:55 AM EST

Matt,

Great article! Very funny! It's not often I get to read something AS hilarious and I just wanted to commend you & your employer.

I'd like a job where you work. By any miracle, do you think you could hook me up?

M.T. in BC
British Columbia--not "Brownie Chocolate"

Chestnuts roasted by marco gerard @ 02/05/2004 06:18 AM EST

You need to go back to the old format. Bigger font, on black background. This article was much harder to read. Still awesome article.

Chestnuts roasted by G0aT CheEZeY @ 02/05/2004 07:57 AM EST

Yeah, it was kinda tough, but for the background I used (too late to change), that was the best font. It won't be a regular thing, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/05/2004 08:24 AM EST

I had to smile when I read this. Why? Well, first because it's Ice Cream Day at work, and second because I'm part of the team who designed the cereal and poptarts boxes. Glad you found them so irresistably pickupable. :) That's why I get paid. I'm not normally a blog reader (when I say "not normally", I mean I've never read a one.) but this was sent to me by a friend and I may tune in a bit more frequently if this is your regular repetoire. Good stuff, and thanks for the praise. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Amazing Grace @ 02/05/2004 08:53 AM EST

Wow, small world. :) Yeah, I'd say you and your team did a perfect job with those. I appreciate great marketing wherever I find it, and aside from the Spongebob mania, that was the point of the article. Good work!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/05/2004 09:03 AM EST

Okay, Matt (Calling people who don't have the slightest clue or care about my sheer existance is fun!)... Now you got me so far that I find everything you write madly amusing. You could even put out an article consisting almost solely of the word "shit", and I'd still eat it up.
The article. Not the feces.
I think you did that before, anyway.
The article. Not the feces.

Chestnuts roasted by Creature SH @ 02/05/2004 10:09 AM EST

One comment on the SpongeBob enimas and lube comment...As a SpongeBob "quasi-collector" (meaning my friends feel the need to stock my shelves with the most inane SB products out there) I haven't seen those two things, but I do have something along a similiar vein. A SpongeBob children's thermometer. Not a big deal? The copy on the package reads, "For oral, ear and anal use." Tell me, why on earth would a parent feel the need to shove SpongeBob up their child's a$$? And, would that child still love SpongeBob? And, if they did, is that considered beastiality?

Chestnuts roasted by Amazing Grace @ 02/05/2004 10:44 AM EST

You do know how a sea sponge is harvested, don't you?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 11:47 AM EST

All right kinglash, I am picturing natives heading out of port in their little kayaks for a days sponge harvesting. They dive into the water and lovingly pluck the sponges from the sea floor with their ass cheeks. ?!?!?

Incidentally, Tarpon Springs is just a short drive away from my house. That's where a whole lotta sponges come from.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 02/05/2004 12:43 PM EST

Hola Matt
Here in Mexico we have Lolipops of
"Bob Esponja" are very huge, whit spicy pinneaple flavor.

Chestnuts roasted by Erasmo @ 02/05/2004 12:49 PM EST

Attention all Sponge-Heads!!!!

Universal Studios in CA is beginning to shoot a live action Sponge Bob movie.

God help us all!

Matt you thought there were a lot of crap now...just wait till that monstrosity comes out.

Chestnuts roasted by Yeti Hunter @ 02/05/2004 01:18 PM EST

I am geniunely surprised to find three whole people who are Carnivale fans outside of a fan community. Here's a LJ community I started for Carnivale fan fic, for anybody that's into that kind of nerdiness.
Also, watching a "stoner" movie like Half Baked while you're fried is like peanut butter and chocolate. Sure, it goes good together, but where's the innovation? Where's the creativity? It takes a real stoner to make it through an episode of Teletubbies without having a freakout.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/05/2004 03:37 PM EST

Harvesting, in short, involves bringing out the sponges, laying them out on a flat surface, and beating them to kill the little creatures that form the sponges, also smashing the glass-like filiments of their skeletal structure, then leaving them to dry in the sun. I think ass cheeks are only involved just for the tourist trade. Or their own amusement.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 04:36 PM EST

real quick, before you try to go to my site, the site is down until tomorrow (friday 2/6) at noon at the latest. anyways...

A spongebob live action movie? So now we have um.. Transformers, Garfield, SpongeBob, and probably some other things I can't think of, and Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka! I'm not the biggest spongebob fan, but come on, you know they're going to ruin it!

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 05:00 PM EST

And by the way, I have sat through an episode of telletubbies when I was stoned. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life until I watched Oobi at my friend Turtle's house and Oobi had a pet turtle. That was hillarious. And then that was the funniest thing ever until I was watching Maximum Exposure the other day (speaking of which, I had an idea for you Matt, I'll e-mail it to you when my site is back up), and... well, lets go back and give you some background information. As I mentioned earlier in this post, Turtle is my best friend, and we have a friend that has the nickname "Diver." So anyways, I was watching Max X, and they were showing the mating habits of turtles. The male turtle went after a female diver that was filming under water and they said "This diver doesn't want any of that hot turtle action." So now that's the funniest thing I've ever seen. And I haven't gotten stoned in 2 years, so you know that had to have been hillarious.

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 05:07 PM EST

Pop tarts have really gone down hill since the frosted ones took over and they changed the breaded part to a chalky taste. Pity... Oh yea! Down on the OCMD boardwalk there was a small game booth with a looping Spongebob theme song. I felt nothing by pity for the skeevy guy who was running the booth. Poor guy...

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 02/05/2004 05:08 PM EST

well, you should feel pity for me, I don't like spongebob, and my fiance is going to have my baby in a few months, so I'm probably eventually going to have to listen to that damned theme song.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 05:36 PM EST

That article is great. I really like Spongebob and his fellow underwater friends... especailly Patrick.

Spongebob: What's the matter?
Patrick: I can't see my forehead.

...another great article. Good job, Matt!! ^_^

Chestnuts roasted by 9volt @ 02/05/2004 07:24 PM EST

Why not speak of the sponge SpongeBob there, too, or did you just want to limit it to foodstuffs?
(BTW, I would be bathing with one of those, sick as it sounds for a 20 year old woman to do such a thing, if they weren't so damn expensive. *sigh*)

Chestnuts roasted by Shelly @ 02/05/2004 10:25 PM EST

Those pop tarts are ALMOST good enough to break my supermarket pop tart boycott! The day when I find a supermarket on the north eastern seaboard that stocks CHERRY pop tarts on thier shelves I will have found the house of god. Until then, I'm stuck visiting the local 7-11 in hopes that I can find 'em fresh.

Matt, how about an article on all the cheesy contests they had in the 80's.. didn't Capn' Crunch go missing for like half a year? Can you dig up anything on these (like who won the damn things) or or that ilk?

Chestnuts roasted by (the original) Toxikfoxx (now with marshmellows!) @ 02/06/2004 08:44 AM EST

I'm not sure we're ready for the repercussions that would be felt around the world if Matt looked into ANOTHER 80's contest. Last time it wasn't even a full length article, and it spawned *waits, and waits, for it to load* 2107 comments and counting.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 02/06/2004 06:20 PM EST

The sad thing is that whenever I go to Target just about everything has some Spongebob crap involved. It is tough to go anywhere in the store to find some place without all that Spongebob stuff. It is so sad. Good thing I don't know of anyone on college who loves this stuff.

By the way, if anyone noticed the macaroni noodles the Spongebob one looks kind of like Robot Jones without that light bulb head.

Chestnuts roasted by mjf7583 @ 02/06/2004 07:40 PM EST

Yes!!! This is my brother at his greatest. I love you, man!!! (There I go with those exclamation points again!!!!)

Chestnuts roasted by Little Sis' @ 02/06/2004 10:00 PM EST

Hey Jason! If you REALLY want to get depressed, try a Store-Brand Pop-Tart knock-off. Especially the chocolate-frosted. Hideous! You'd end up BEGGING for the now-chalky PT dough.

And don't feel too sorry for the skeevy guy who had to listen to the SBSP theme loop on the OCMD boardwalk. The poor soul may actually have been better-off having something predictable to listen to.

I was a skeevy guy working a wheel of chance (slim and none) and a "spin paint" concession (yes, it was a blast) on the Long Branch Fishing Pier in NJ (the Pier is now visiting Davey Jones' Locker) who's sanity was actually maintained by the endless loop of Three-Dog-Night's "Shambala" and "Mama Told me"; Edgar Winter's "Frankenstein" (the long version); "Walk on the Wild Side"(I forget who's); and Manu Debango's "Soul Makosa". Although I must say it did do something permanent to my brain.

Chestnuts roasted by ibinsomniac @ 02/06/2004 11:36 PM EST

Actually, Matt, that Spongebob Ice Cream ~IS~ a unique flavor... I've never heard of Caramel Cookie Dough before. If you have, it's a retread with Spongebob and Patric shaped cookie dough chunks. It's pretty damned good-- a regular at this house until they stopped carrying it at our grocery store. Bryers has some high quality ice cream, so it's worth the $6-- expecially since you'll staple the recepts together and wright off the whole lot on your taxes as a buisiness expense.

Chestnuts roasted by Orgg @ 02/07/2004 08:49 PM EST

Trying to jerk off on coke!!!! Beautiful man, beautiful.

Chestnuts roasted by shinymetallic @ 02/07/2004 10:45 PM EST

I forgot to mention something earlier. Why does the Sandy Cheeks thingie on the top of the page link to an article on hermit crabs? What is the correlation there? And Patrick leads to Spongebob vs. The Hulk? Must be symbolic of a great intellectual battle to be fought. My main concern is in regards to the lack of equal representation of rodentia in all these great products. Is not Ms. Cheeks "worthy" of being included within the heirarchy of tasty and yet healthy (per se) vittles?

Chestnuts roasted by shinymetallic @ 02/07/2004 10:56 PM EST

Spelled Poliwhirl wrong.

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 02/08/2004 08:10 AM EST

THE BEST NEW SPONGEBOB FOOD IS NOT IN YOUR ARTICLE, ITS SPONGEBOB EGGO WAFFLES, NEW FLAVOR AND HIS FACE IS IN THE WAFFLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by swissmr @ 02/09/2004 02:23 AM EST

kidz bop SUCKS

Chestnuts roasted by zombie c @ 02/09/2004 04:44 PM EST

Aren't you supposed to add butter to the mac and cheese?

Chestnuts roasted by Jon Smithman @ 02/10/2004 12:05 AM EST

Meow!

Chestnuts roasted by Gary @ 02/10/2004 03:21 PM EST

hey I love spongebob squarepants he is hot lol jkin

Chestnuts roasted by Valerie @ 02/10/2004 06:13 PM EST

i think it's time for a kidz bop review.

Chestnuts roasted by mark @ 02/11/2004 01:42 PM EST

A classmate saw Spongebob KD and bought it for me last time she went grocery shopping :) My box has 30% MORE PASTA IN IT, THOUGH! It was exciting.

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 02/12/2004 09:57 AM EST

you homies are kidding right?
wake up !!!

from downunder ausie bloke

Chestnuts roasted by Peter @ 02/15/2004 06:18 AM EST

I personally hate mac&cheese, I find it really to be lack luster

Chestnuts roasted by Mihail @ 02/18/2004 05:07 PM EST

haha..
nice..
loved the article!!!
spongebob is taking over the world and the brains of the kids these days...

Chestnuts roasted by proudkorean @ 02/22/2004 11:18 PM EST

haha..
nice..
loved the article!!!
spongebob is taking over the world and the brains of the kids these days...

Chestnuts roasted by proudkorean @ 02/22/2004 11:18 PM EST

haha..
nice..
loved the article!!!
spongebob is taking over the world and the brains of the kids these days...

Chestnuts roasted by proudkorean @ 02/22/2004 11:19 PM EST

oops...

Chestnuts roasted by proudkorean @ 02/22/2004 11:20 PM EST

The funniest thing about this is probably that the reason SPongebob is funny in the first place is that his cartoon is obscure funny. Y'know, like the animators using realisitic objects in stead of drawings and such. And yet, there he is on a box of cereal...

Chestnuts roasted by H-d @ 02/23/2004 05:31 PM EST

Wow, what a great article. Well written and so true!

Chestnuts roasted by Jenn @ 02/27/2004 10:21 AM EST

I know, I know, I am late to comment on this article...thing, but I just got the link for it! I must say, that was friggen' hilarious. (Can we curse on this thing? Had little interest in scrolling up and checking what other folks wrote.) Anyways...wow, that was all too true. Spongebob is everywhere. Though...because of the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake thing, Spongebob is probably going to get canceled like that Howard Stern dude, or at least censored. I mean, if you watch the show all the time, (like me) you'd notice that he shows off his spongey, yellow nekkid bod quite often. ... What was I talkng about? Yah, and uh....I want some of those popsicles and fruit snacks. Later, going to go call my mom and request some. I also need to go to the "As Seen On T.V." store (yes, they actually have one, even though the crap ain't supposed to be available in stores), and get me kids Bop Volume 5.

Chestnuts roasted by Cherelle @ 02/27/2004 04:29 PM EST

great article - well-written. =) i'm a big fan of sb, but i feel there's way too much merchandise out there. my international friends complain that there aren't enough spongebob items for sale - we should export some of it, 'cause we have too much! =P

Chestnuts roasted by sarah @ 03/07/2004 12:10 PM EST

Hey dude, Great article! I love spongebob, the creators are genius! However I agree..theres way too much merchandise and urrrghhh the pop tarts look gross!

Chestnuts roasted by Ella @ 03/21/2004 08:38 AM EST

spongebob waffles are a discrace to waffles all over the world!!!

Chestnuts roasted by jesse @ 03/24/2004 06:10 PM EST

I'm 15 and I'm in love with spongebob. I love all of the things that spongebob have out. He is the best cartoon character around.

Chestnuts roasted by Shaheedah @ 03/26/2004 01:01 PM EST

i really love sponge bob and my e-amil adress is spongebob_robby106
but i am only 13 years old thanx for the add i really liked it alot:) lol

Chestnuts roasted by Ruby @ 04/03/2004 08:01 PM EST

I found the "Reaper dusting off Cree Summer" comment ironic, seeing as Cree does a number of voices on Nickelodeon shows. (Actually, I think her voice-over career dates back to at least "Inspector Gadget.") And isn't "Cree" a great name? Cree. Cree. It's fun to say and to type.

And regarding Mr. Matt's comment, quoted as follows:

"You can even cut around Spongey's head for "more nautical nonsense" inside the box. I've yet to do this, but smart money's on a bunch of Sally Seashell jokes and doodles of cartoon starfish running towards outhouses."

There is no need to cut around Mr. Squarepants' head. The box front opens on one side. When you open it, one of four Spongebobs appears. The picture on the side of the box is the SpongeBob you will get. However, current boxes of the cereal do not have this feature. (I work at a grocery store, I should know these things.)

Cree.

Chestnuts roasted by R. W. Mead @ 06/02/2004 12:52 PM EST

you know, i didnt realize that there was that much stuff! it was insane(ly amazing)! Mr. Squarepants is really making it up in popularity now isnt he?

Great article!

Chestnuts roasted by I.C. Wieners @ 06/29/2004 08:41 PM EST

I really loved your article!!! You are a very enjoyable internet personality. Your pictures are also amazing... Especially the one of Spongebob eating his own pop tart! Very cute. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Evelyn @ 07/19/2004 04:39 PM EST

tobat!! spongebob marake aku kepingkel-pingkel....

Chestnuts roasted by ssc @ 09/08/2004 03:47 AM EST

Dial 1.800.878.4764 to order "Kids Bop" Volume 5.
---or to order costumes from "zoogster" (who?)
...or to get pregnancy exercise videos.
and TREADMILL MUSIC!!

and RAINBOW ART!!!

AND MOST OF ALL...

MIRACLE HAND REPAIR CREAM!!!

...uh...what?

(HA I'll never be able to prove this was done by me...unless I carefully COVER ALL BASES OF ATTACK AND BACK IT UP!!! WITH LOTS OF EXCLA!!!!MA!!TION!!! POINTS??? I mean...!!!)

ok I'll shut up.

Chestnuts roasted by I AM NEVER GOING TO BE READ!!! @ 10/05/2004 02:25 AM EST

bum

Chestnuts roasted by emma taylor @ 10/23/2004 09:55 AM EST

spongebob rules!!!!!!!!!! emmas comment sucks who puts bum on the internet

Chestnuts roasted by big j @ 10/23/2004 09:58 AM EST

well obviously i do ha ha

Chestnuts roasted by emma taylor @ 10/23/2004 10:02 AM EST