02/13/2004 Entry: "Cobra's Chia Plot -- PART III!"

The time has come! What will become of Commander Frack and the Cobra gang now that Snake Eyes has turned them into Gremlins? It's been a long two weeks, but finally, the answers are here. In Cobra's Chia Plot - Part III, our unfortunate antiheroes arrive at Cobra Headquarters only to be cut off by a few guards who don't quite believe their story. Things only get weirder from there. It's the longest Chia Plot yet, and the most star-studded! Long and star-studded! Don't miss it.

Also, I'm planning an article for Valentine's Day. I won't guarantee that I'll have time to finish it, because if I guarantee it, it definitely won't happen. You know how that works.

Chestnuts roasted by Eric @ 02/13/2004 05:08 PM EST

I started my own story using text and action figures. It's, well.. bizaare. Check out my link. Bravo on the entire G.I. Joe/Gremlins/Chia Pet concept.. pure genius! But, what I've been waiting for is your return to Bar Harbor, MA to introduce those people to Coca Cola. Later!

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 02/13/2004 05:11 PM EST

Got some of those Peeps Hearts, eh Matt? I'm keeping some of those around for a review, though they'll be in with a bunch of other deformed marshmallow crap. Haven't opened the box yet, but they look delicious.

Nice use of the new mutagen, by the way. Will one of the new Mutatin' Turtles be making any cameos?

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 02/13/2004 05:15 PM EST

Best one yet by far, and that's saying something since I didn't think Part 2 could be topped. I laughed out loud on every page.

Chestnuts roasted by Dorito @ 02/13/2004 05:21 PM EST

Seriously, this series is amazing. It's the best diostory I've ever read.

Chestnuts roasted by James @ 02/13/2004 05:30 PM EST

and so the plot thickens...
Truly triple-a-awesome. I seem to remember being scared of Zartan a long, long time ago. Now I've almost gotten over it. Must've been the whole kameleonizing thingie.
For some reason Destros hot pink dogtags got me thinking whether or not the Cobra army has the whole "don't ask, don't tell"-thing going on..

Chestnuts roasted by iivuli @ 02/13/2004 05:46 PM EST

Pool. Table pool. HAH!

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 02/13/2004 05:49 PM EST

I *heart* the chia saga. Is it considered a saga? Eh, I'll just say it is and leave it at that.

P.S. Wow, is that how you spell 'saga'? The spelling just looks really weird to me.

Chestnuts roasted by Andrea @ 02/13/2004 05:59 PM EST

If anyone of any rank can weasel their way out of a mission in Chile, does that mean you can't weasel your way out of a Chia pet assignment? Or did Frack think this was going to be easy? Silly Cobras. Go Joe!

Chestnuts roasted by TOP1214 @ 02/13/2004 06:20 PM EST

WHAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!! Like a mutation, this just gets more and more fun every two weeks! Just tell the Frack Pack that whatever doesn't kill you, just makes you stranger. the things that make you go blorgh.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/13/2004 06:26 PM EST

I laughed at the whole thing, but really cracked up at this part:

MA'SERAIDO: Chyyyooooitle Soooitlellele!

GANZOID: My master bids you welcome, sir.

MA'SERAIDO: Chyyyoiiiiitle SobeeYOIttele!

GANZOID: My master bids you welcome again, albeit with a slightly alternate greeting on the second go-around.

MA'SERAIDO: Chyyyoiiitseeoiiitle Mossstaiboyle Sanchanananoyle!

GANZOID: Okay, I have no clue what the fuck he said that time.

Chestnuts roasted by Inky is Faces @ 02/13/2004 06:37 PM EST

I like to read matt's sags they get me hooked.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 02/13/2004 06:38 PM EST

Before Wes made his post, I was positive that the magic slime that reverted the Cobra soldiers was Ecto Cooler/Tangergreen. Oops :(

Awesome episode, Matt. Can't wait for the next one to come!

Chestnuts roasted by Aberration @ 02/13/2004 06:38 PM EST

was the " destro" guy the guy where the advert hyped his removable mask?

what a dissapointment. thr should have given him a cool face.

it wass very funny though. alll we need is a cameo from skeletor

Chestnuts roasted by the jim'll @ 02/13/2004 06:46 PM EST

Jim'll -- that's the one. From the mid-90s I think.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/13/2004 06:48 PM EST

The Ricky Martin part was inspired. It's going to take forever for those two weeks to go by...

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 02/13/2004 06:49 PM EST

Hmm...I know I've seen "MA'SERAIDO" somewhere before...I think one of my little cousins has it, but I can't recall the thing's real name. Blast.

I'd just like to say to Matt and to all of XE's readers...Happy Hallmark Day!

Chestnuts roasted by The ORIGINAL Paul @ 02/13/2004 06:50 PM EST

Yeah, I wonder how much this Hallmark Day's gonna run me. Perhaps something homemade, like heart-shaped chicken breasts. Or you know, not.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/13/2004 06:51 PM EST

that was awesome. does that mean all these years shreddar was just trying to turn the turtles into cobra troops?

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 02/13/2004 06:54 PM EST

I got my gf a plush teddy bear, candy and flowers for Hallmark Day's, nothing special because I have no imagination. Except the bear is wearing cute socks, Go me!

Chestnuts roasted by Brrent @ 02/13/2004 06:56 PM EST

Rapid-Fire's pink lipstic rocks!

Chestnuts roasted by Laurel @ 02/13/2004 07:16 PM EST

This is the best episode so far. However, it does kinda stink that we'll have to wait two weeks for another one. Patience is a virtue, I guess.

Chestnuts roasted by Teirusu @ 02/13/2004 07:19 PM EST

Fantastic work Matt, truly inspired.

And oh... my... god...
That carpet, the one by Cobra HQ... it's the same exact one that's still there in my old room at my parent's house.

I suddenly got the urge to dig through their basement for some old Star Wars and He-Man figures and go play there right now. Anyone know where I can get a Chia pet in Norway? ;-)

Chestnuts roasted by Rattus @ 02/13/2004 07:33 PM EST

Oh and the storytelling troll's name is Yano. I got one for my daughter.

Chestnuts roasted by Rattus @ 02/13/2004 07:38 PM EST

i already know what i got for hallmark day this year my moms b/f got me ballons because he didnt want me to feel bad about my husband being gone and not being able to get me anything it was nice i guess but personaly i despise v day

Chestnuts roasted by laurie @ 02/13/2004 08:42 PM EST

Nice. Very nice.

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 02/13/2004 09:07 PM EST

Holy Crap!
Nice easter egg..
Here's what you influenced (along with a friend's stupid joke)

http://cyanyde.kicks-ass.net/eggcitement.jpg

Little side note.. I was in Walmart today and it's unbelievable what they have for sale in there..

Here's what I got for my daughter ('s 4th b-day)
instead of Optimus Prime 2k4!(It was really close)

http://cyanyde.kicks-ass.net/jewelia.jpg

Pretty kool toy tho.. it actually spins an' you can dance with it.. (well she can) :P

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 02/13/2004 09:20 PM EST

My brother had that removeable helmet Destro,so it was no real suprise for me,but the goofing about it was great. I also remember seeing the old 12" Cobra Commander with a removeable mask at an antique store a few years back. He had a normal face,but the lower half was covered by a bandana. I guess it was Hasbro's way of saying "Sike!".

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 02/13/2004 09:21 PM EST

dude is that a bong inside the door of cobra headquarters?!??

Chestnuts roasted by shinfifo @ 02/13/2004 09:49 PM EST

Yeah!

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 02/13/2004 10:17 PM EST

Haven't read the article yet, but just wanted to say I saw Matt on AOL and I said "hi" :-D

Chestnuts roasted by Spiffy McKracken @ 02/14/2004 12:01 AM EST

Pardon my French, but unless this article jumped off the screen and sucked me off, there's no way I could possibly enjoy it more than I did. Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by All Smiles @ 02/14/2004 12:37 AM EST

About six months ago I emailed Matt, bringing up the commercial for the Destro figure and how I always wondered what he looked like. I suggested an article about the figure, but figured the email had fallen into the cracks of his overflowing inbox.

This medium is better than anything I could've hoped for. Thanks a lot, Matt. You have brought peace to my formerly closure-less self.

Chestnuts roasted by Gavok @ 02/14/2004 03:53 AM EST

The destro without a mask thing is now the biggest disapointment I've ever had with GI JOE, before this: Taking off serpentor's hood and realizing he has no hair!

BTW, in the Old comics, there was a series where destor and Cobra Commander retired and it went into a whole speil about thier families, and I think CC had an illegitimate kid or something. Well anyway, they took off thier masks for that, and I think destor wore a berret. (he's the descendent of the man in the iron mask aparently, bloody frogs)and I think Cobra Commander had an eye patch.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 02/14/2004 09:12 AM EST

Such Blasphemy. Upon further inspection, CC's son's name was Billy, and at some point he tried to kill CC. Also aparently Destor isn't a real character, I meant Destro.

Chestnuts roasted by Trippy the 8th dwarf @ 02/14/2004 12:47 PM EST

Dude..heres the thing...awsome read..great that you took Destro's mask of..but now I wonder...why'd he wear it in the first place?I was hoping he be burned..like Kane..should've been....dude.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 02/14/2004 01:22 PM EST

Love the Batman Returns quote.

Chestnuts roasted by Colgate @ 02/14/2004 01:39 PM EST

Genius, pure genius.

Chestnuts roasted by Dayne Thomas @ 02/14/2004 02:10 PM EST

Who'd ever had thought that this thing would create a life of its own and spread out for 4 parts!!!

And the troll guy is still being sold down here, but its name is not Yano... At least, not down here.

Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 02/14/2004 06:04 PM EST

Only three and a half hours left, Matt...

Didn't you say something about a Valentine's Day artice? :)

Chestnuts roasted by The ORIGINAL Paul @ 02/14/2004 08:37 PM EST

May be a bit later, but not more than an hour late. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 02/14/2004 08:45 PM EST

Is it just me or is there alot of homo-eroticism in this story? I Love it!
Matt you really make my day!

Chestnuts roasted by Allie @ 02/15/2004 03:38 AM EST

I remember the commercial hyping up the Destro figure with the removeable mask. Remember when G.I. Joe use to have "mini-stories" in their commercials? There was one in which Destro's mask fell off when he fell off a cliff, and this led to the Destro removeable mask toy. I remember wanting to get ths toy badly, but I wasn't a big enough fan of G.I. Joe that I actually went out and got it. It wasn't until I read this article that I found out what Destro looked like. He really DOES look a bit like Ricky Martin. Not alot. Just a little. Kind of disappointed with the face. Oh well.

Kudos to another fabolous article Matt! Kudos! Yea!

Chestnuts roasted by Steven @ 02/15/2004 09:51 AM EST

Excellent article, it's on its way to being my favorite XE article ever. (the opertaion battle is a classic hard to beat though.) i was disappointed at Destro's face, i thought it might look more... evil? i liked your reference to being from rochester (which i am) im just not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing... keep up the good work

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew @ 02/15/2004 03:44 PM EST

No, Destro's completely normal face was the best thing about it. Everyone expects him to be ugly, and that's why he wears it. He thinks his ugly, and that's why he wears it.

In the end, he looks like Ricky Martin. Which is the last thing I expected. Which is why it was funny.

Chestnuts roasted by Damien @ 02/16/2004 06:58 AM EST

Oh, and I got my girlfriend a teddy bear dressed as a gimp.

Chestnuts roasted by Damien @ 02/16/2004 06:59 AM EST

Again, This is why I am a loyal follower of this site. Matt, that was funny as hell. Can't wait for part four. Livin' Lavida Loca!
Ha!

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 02/16/2004 08:00 AM EST

Dude, This rocks like I've never seen before! Can't wait to read the next part... man, who'd have thought that Destro would have been so ugly, so disfigured and so.. well... Pretty!! From one pretty boy to the next, Live with the mask Destro. It's alot less hassle! Seriously, you rock!!!

Chestnuts roasted by The Ross @ 02/16/2004 08:14 AM EST

He's even purdier than the Baroness.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/16/2004 11:45 AM EST

I love how just a little tilt of a Gremlin head speaks a thousand expressionable words. The pictures just go hand in hand w/ the dialogue. You couldn't have one w/o the other.

I'm cracking up over how Inky is sticking his man-boobs out at Rapid-Fire to try and sway him. You can see the homophobic disgust on Rapid-Fire's face. Classic.

Does anyone else chant that old Bugs Bunny Easter cartoon line, "I wanna Easter egg, I wanna EASTER egg!" when hovering over the pictures on here? Just me, then? Oh, well.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 02/16/2004 08:03 PM EST

Yeah i live in rochester for a while for school...dont remember any black pizza......any explaination matt??

Chestnuts roasted by LordSorrow @ 02/17/2004 01:28 AM EST

I don't think I can handle this "...in two weeks!" business anymore.

..Ah the power Matt wields.

Chestnuts roasted by Kate @ 02/17/2004 10:42 AM EST

This Rocks! I can't wait for two weeks. I am gonna be so crappy at work. your stories keep me smiling. Keep up the great work your site is so awsome!

Chestnuts roasted by Crystal @ 02/17/2004 02:04 PM EST

just thought you guys would want to see this... check out the riotous shindig for a great laugh! Roboto is god!
http://www.skeletorandgang.tk/

Chestnuts roasted by The Ross @ 02/17/2004 02:40 PM EST

That was too funny. Way too funny!

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