04/11/2004 Entry: "Easter sucks."

Chestnuts roasted by LordKaT @ 04/11/2004 10:50 AM EST

It may be the health nut in me, but I have to say that it's not just the unnatural length of time that egg keeps for: the idea of a chemically sealed egg squicks me out, especially since egg shells are porous. I get the creeping suspicion that I'd be eating some shellac with my hard boiled egg.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 04/11/2004 10:50 AM EST

Ick... And I can only stand eggs when chopped into itty bits and served with rice...

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 04/11/2004 12:27 PM EST

I don't really like eggs and I'm sure I wouldn't like eggs that haven't been refridgerated for three months.

Chestnuts roasted by Meatwad @ 04/11/2004 12:53 PM EST

I shudder at this idea... some things are just too unnatural. It's like putting mayo in the sun and saying "Don't worry, our special jar as an internal air conditioning system, your mayo will be fine". And then you die of food poisoning.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 04/11/2004 01:21 PM EST

Woah, I have now officially seen pretty much everything..

Except of course my winning lottery ticket that I haven't seen yet. :P
Ah well, soon come..

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 04/11/2004 01:38 PM EST

My town has spawned some pretty unholy things before--like the Triple T Truck Stop, Lisa Frank, and that book about the kid who got addicted to poker--but this takes the proverbial Easter cake.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 04/11/2004 01:41 PM EST

I agree, Easter does suck. Santa Brings way better stuff than the easter bunny! And he doesn't leave candy hidden around you're house that goes unfound for months until one day you find your dog throwing up yellow and pink stuff and you realize he found a stash of candy hidden in a couch cushion!

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan @ 04/11/2004 02:33 PM EST

Happy Easter and spring to Matt and all bloggers!

I don't think Easter's so bad. Yeah, you don't get a ton of presents, but you do get candy...and better yet, after-Easter candy sales, which is probably how I'm going to get most of mine. ; 0 )

And Cadburys! You don't get Cadbury eggs any other time of year.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 04/11/2004 02:38 PM EST

We don't get that many Cadbury products up here so I'll have to do with Kinder-eggs (aka The Strangest Candy Of All Time). My country sucks. No Cadbury Crunchies or Wrigleys Big Red. What a stupid, stupid country this is.
Happy easter anyways.

Chestnuts roasted by iivuli @ 04/11/2004 02:57 PM EST

Cool!

and Happy Easter.

Chestnuts roasted by Marshall @ 04/11/2004 04:21 PM EST

i think those eggs are still made, or someone make similar ones. I saw some pre-peeled, colored, hardboiled eggs in packages of 3 i think it was.
Very odd indeed.

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 04/11/2004 04:54 PM EST

"They make pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't make pre-wrapped bacon."
"Do you blame them?"
"Well, yeah."

Pre-wrapped eggs. I bet they taste great w/ Clark Griswold's 8 year old milk packets.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/11/2004 05:20 PM EST

disgusting.

Happy Easter Everyone

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 04/11/2004 05:35 PM EST

Ok, let me just say, for everyone else here, in the voice of Dr. Sbaitso's wife, what the bleep is that all about?

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 04/11/2004 05:53 PM EST

Wrong? Morally or ethically? Both. What a time to be alive! I have found a 2 month old hidden Easter egg, lets just say it at one time it was painted yellow.

As for rabbits. My old cat decapited one, when we found it there were bees buzzing 'round its head. My mom freaked out, I think my dad had to pick it up with a snow shovel and put it in a brown grocery bad. I don't know why that is such a vivid childhood memory.

Chestnuts roasted by Don't Touch, Willy. @ 04/11/2004 06:49 PM EST

Actually they just had something on the pre-colored eggs on FoodTV or something - it was colorful and shiney so I lost the remote for a bit.

They seal the eggs when they color them - but it's still disgusting, eggs are just aborted baby chickens.

Save the baby chickens so we can have more fried chicken!

Chestnuts roasted by bratling @ 04/11/2004 07:15 PM EST

Three months?! That's disgusting. And insane.

Insusting?
Disgane?
Dinsanegusting?
Inugingustoding?

No matter how you pronounce it, it's weird and gross.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 04/11/2004 07:25 PM EST

I'm officially scared as of...now...non refridgerated hardboiled eggs?
Harmless sealent?
didnt they used to say lead paint was harmless too?
aiyaiyai
thats insane...
Happy Stupid Easter to you too Matt =P

Chestnuts roasted by Allie @ 04/11/2004 08:40 PM EST

Happy Easter to all!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/11/2004 08:57 PM EST

I like my eggs fried over easy with all that gooey yolk to suck up...lots of pepper on them, and ona sandwich with cheese and bacon. Wow im getting hungry typing this...drooooool

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 04/11/2004 09:14 PM EST

WTF? That's crazy and wrong.

Chestnuts roasted by jjgoreha @ 04/11/2004 10:39 PM EST

I love how it's "Eggs T'go" like you're in such a rush you can't take the time to pronounce "to go" as 2 seperate words. Hurry up! The other backpackers, hikers and explorers are going to LEAVE YOUR ASS BEHIND if you don't just peel that baby open and suck it back.

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 04/11/2004 11:28 PM EST

...and oh yeah...HOPPY EASTER! Hahahahahha! That's one of my best bits :)

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 04/11/2004 11:29 PM EST

3 months, eh? I don't believe that for a minute. Notice how they make sure to include "harmless" in the description.

I'll bet people died, and the Tucson branch of the Illuminati covered it up...

*ruefull laugh* Chalk up another one for the Tucson Illuminati. Well rejoice while you can... the organization's going down! You've got my word on that.

Trust no one.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 04/12/2004 01:04 AM EST

Yeah, Kristal, but just think what they'd be called today: "Eggz 2 Go!" Or probably "EXTREME Eggz 2 Go!" And probably with the exlamation points. I hate marketing. Remeber when everything was "RADICAL"? That was funny. Way funnier than everything being EXTREME. Goddammit, cheese snacks are not EXTREME! And they weren't RADICAL in the 1980s, either!

EGGZ 2 GO! TO THE MAX! RARRRRR!

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosMonkey @ 04/12/2004 03:13 AM EST

More like, "Gag me with a spoon. Grody!"

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/12/2004 08:36 AM EST

I felt like announcing this: one of our TV channels down here in Brazil will be showing this Thursday, at about 3 PM, that classic you all know and love... THE WIZARD! Yep, in all its dubbed glory. I wonder what they'll call Super Mario Bros. 3 in Portuguese... I'll definately give it a shot, I had never heard of the movie prior to X-E. And even though Mario is now an icon worldwide, and even though Mario 3 WAS sold down here at its time, you just know these translating and dubbing processes usually don't give a crap about accuracy. That's why I got into the biz, to change the world. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 04/12/2004 09:51 AM EST

EGGS T'GO IS PEOPLE!!!!
Well, not really...
But there is an upside to them, I guess... The three months they can be left out is good for the *slow* kids on easter...

Chestnuts roasted by Bourbonillaka the Gooevil Moose @ 04/12/2004 10:13 AM EST

As a lapsed Baptist, I find those eggs somewhat unholy. But, I'd eat one anyway. I still want one of those spooky sandwiches the Army has that are good for five years in the package. Didn't get to see that one Bugs Bunny cartoon, you know: "I wanna Easter egg! I wanna Easter egg!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 12:13 PM EST

No, that's not disturbing at all. Not one friggin' bit.

*vomits*

Chestnuts roasted by Seth Christenfeld @ 04/12/2004 12:16 PM EST

Adorable story time:
Yesterday, at my aunt's Easter party, she took the time to show us something interesting in a potted plant on her porch.

Turns out a couple of days ago, a rabbit had dug a hole in the soil, and now there were a ton of little fuzzballs sleeping in there. Cute beyond words, and convenient day for it to be happening on.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 04/12/2004 12:53 PM EST

One more kitties thing from Rathergood.com, because fuzzballs are fuzzballs. Might be an antidote for Eggs T'Go. Kitten Stomp! Click and imagine kitties stomping eggs.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 01:01 PM EST

AHH!

How did you find out about us, Night_Trekker? *shifty eyes*

*Skitters off sideways, like a crab*

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 04/12/2004 01:23 PM EST

I think we all saw the xeroxed flyer for the Tuscon Illuminati all-you-can-eat pancake and chitlin breakfast/karaoke to your favorite New Monkees song benefit, Freezair. All proceeds go to the "Send a disadvantged Matt to the Playboy mansion" fund.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 02:12 PM EST

I love seeing that Toys 'r' Us bunny commmercial!!

Chestnuts roasted by etyjkwetyj @ 04/12/2004 02:34 PM EST

"Save the baby chickens so we can have more fried chicken!"

Oh my do I ever agree with that one..
Thx Bratling however most of the time I manage to agree with most of you wierdos.. (us wierdos)

Ahhhhhhh yeah..

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 04/12/2004 09:49 PM EST

Prffft. This is nothing new. It's a modern variant of the 100-Year-Old Egg, classic of Chinese Cuisine.

http://www.kowloontraders.com/ampjul99.html

Chestnuts roasted by Riff @ 04/12/2004 10:50 PM EST

wait a minute, did someone say that lead paint wasn't harmless?!!

Oh well, still tastes like candy

Chestnuts roasted by Old_Schooler @ 04/12/2004 11:25 PM EST

Oops, sorry Nate -- my blog assister thought Rich's post was a phony plug. (wasn't) Anyway, no, those weren't my clothes. Then again, I might've tried on someone else's and forgotten. And yes, for a Transformers video game party, the female faces weren't at all monstrous. :)

And I'm going to miss that TRU bunny commercial mentioned above all year. Wish I taped it.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/13/2004 08:45 AM EST

I've seen these eggs at the local GIANT and man. I knew it was for the super lazy. But I didn't know it was manufactured by a company. People will do anything to get a few schekels!

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 04/13/2004 12:25 PM EST

ACTUALLY, the eggs we eat aren't aborted chicken babies at all. They were never fertalized... so think of them more like... calcified poultry menstruation.

There. Now doesn't that make you feel better? :D

Chestnuts roasted by Silkenray @ 04/13/2004 02:44 PM EST

Seriously-- the Funniest Easter Story ever... I couldn't make this one up.

On Easter I'm at my girlfriend's house, and her little cousins are out in the yard looking for easter eggs. Suddenly there's a horrific scream and they come running inside crying and stuff! It turns out that the night before, her dogs (rat terriers) ran out and killed a rabbit in their front yard under one of the bushes, and the kids just found it while looking for easter eggs.

Naturally some of the grown ups talk nice to the kids, and we go back out there, assuring them that "The Easter Bunny is NOT dead underneath the isalia bushes", and then--sure enough, Josey the dog is chewing on the head of this dead rabbit underneath the isalia bushes! Holy Crap! It was hilarious... I don't care if it scarred those kids for life-- that had to be one of the funniest things I'd ever seen.

Well I tried not to laugh for the kids, but I couldn't stop myself. I confessed that yes, the Easter Bunny had come by--and yes, he had dropped off eggs (which were still somewhat dispersed around the yard), but no--he wouldn't be back next year because Josey the dog had killed him. It was Awesome! The kids went inside and cried for a little while, but like an hour later they were re-enacting the whole situation with some dolls from the girl's room... ya know, kinda laughing about it--kinda.

So that was (at least to me) the funniest Easter Story ever. Very nice!

The Best Easter Story Ever is about Jesus, however-- a point long neglected in any of the previous "Easter Sucks" postings... you bunch of Pagans!

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 04/13/2004 04:23 PM EST

Chirrrp.... Chirrrp.... Chirrrp....

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